They've Got Mail
by Anakin McFly
Summary: NOVELISATION IS HERE. Go straight to the last chapter for details.
1. Communication Device

Disclaimer: Hey, what d'you know? I DO own Bttf! =D

*nose grows 3 feet*

You get my point, so on with the fic.

I used html for this! Yay! Can have bold lettering! =D

Okay, I know that email and the Internet weren't exactly in wide use in 1985, but for the sake of this fic, just assume it was. Come up with an explanation yourself. Maybe the technology in Hill Valley is extremely high, or something.

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL**

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Testing 123**

Marty,

If this works, we can communicate with each other through email.

Reply if you get this.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Testing 123**

Hi Doc!

Yup, it works. What did you do?

Cool.

- Marty

P.S.: Whenever he hears the title 'Star Wars', my father gets this weird look on his face. Maybe it has something to do with what I did to him in 1955.

~-~-~

**From - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - verne_newton_brown(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: I rule**

Hi Verne!

Like my new email address? *snigger*

Show me the money.

Jules, Ruler of the Universe.

~-~-~

**From - verne_newton_brown(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Hi!**

Hi Marty!

Verne here. If Jules sends you anything don't respond. He stole my Gameboy and wants ransom. Got any spare cash? He's asking for a million. If you have just tell me and I'll steal the time train to come get it.

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - verne_newton_brown(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: I still rule**

I know your email password. I saw what you sent Marty. Pay me another million or I'll tell Dad that you're planning to steal the train.

- Jules the Great

~-~-~

**From - verne_newton_brown(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I still rule**

I changed my password. So there. And I warned Marty against you so don't try anything funny.

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Dad,

My little idiot of a brother is planning to steal the train and go to 1985. Just so you know. Marty's in the conspiracy too. I hate both of them.

- Your favourite son

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Don't call your brother an idiot. And leave Marty out of this.

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)ihatemanure(.)com**

**To - I_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: You free?**

Hi there, Lorraine! Free tonight?

Call me.

- Biff

~-~-~

**From - I_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)ihatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Re: You free?**

Biff,

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

I hope you crash into a manure truck while driving.

- Lorraine.

P.S.: Give the BMW three coats of wax next time you drop by.

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Testing 123**

Hi Marty!

I can't believe it! I finally invented something that actually works! Again!

I'd explain it to you, but you probably won't understand. Basically I invented something that allows us to communicate through email between different time periods.

How's everybody?

Maybe I'll drop by one day.

- Doc

P.S.: Jules said something about you and Verne being in a conspiracy against him. Is that true?

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - verne_newton_brown(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Uh, is there something going on that I don't know about? What conspiracy?

Marty

~-~-~

**From - Strickland(at)**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Regular late coming**

Mr. McFly,

It has come to my attention that you have collected a total of 83 tardy slips this year, breaking last year's record of 61. If the same is repeated next year, you shall be expelled. I do not tolerate tardiness in this school.

- Mr. Strickland

~-~-~

**From - c_cheeken(at)wwr(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: New record made**

Dear Sir,

It appears that you have broken the record for the most tardy slips collected in a year.

We would like your permission to be featured in our next publication.

Thank you.

Mr. Chris B. Cheeken, Manager of Weird World Records Pte. Ltd.

~-~-~

**From - georgemcfly(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - hotchoclat(at)hvmentalhospital(.)com**

**Subject: Am I going crazy?**

Mr. Hotchoclat,

I have worries about my mental health.

My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I swear this is the truth. 30 years ago in 1955, I woke up one night to see this creature who claimed to be Darth Vader standing over me with a hairdryer.

I know it's impossible, but I'm positive it happened.

Do you think I'm going senile?

- George McFly

~-~-~

**From - hotchoclat(at)hvmentalhospital(.)com**

**To - georgemcfly(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Am I going crazy?**

Hey, you're George McFly?

Dude, I'm your greatest fan! I've read ALL your books!

No, I don't think you're crazy, dude! There is NO WAY a great author like you can possibly be crazy!

Now, as for ME, my colleagues think I'm going nuts. They think I'm overworking myself or something.

But I'm not, dude! You go tell those dudes the truth. They'll believe you. The hospital is full of your fans.

- Mr. Hotchoclat, Hill Valley Mental Hospital

P.S.: Can I have your autograph?

~-~-~


	2. Battle of the Bands 1985

Disclaimer: I don't own BttF

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL: Chapter 2**

**From - musicdept(at)**

**To - thegreatestbandever(at)hotmail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, the_broccoli_lover(at)yahoo(.)com, starwarsfan(at)yahoo(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, doomedyouth(at)hotmail(.)com, out_of_tune(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Notice to bands**

To all bands participating in the 1985 Battle of the Bands competition in Hill Valley, a few points to note.

1) The maximum sound volume allowed is 35 decibels. To facilitate this change, no microphones shall be allowed on stage.

2) No kicking over of any stage object is allowed. Violators of this law will be punished accordingly.

3) Keep all clothes on.

4) Patriotic songs are not allowed on the grounds that they give you an unfair advantage.

5) All band members must be human. So no parrots. It's called 'showing off'.

Forward this to all your band members.

Thanks.

- Mrs Drebel Clef, Music Department, Hill Valley High

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Fwd: Notice to bands**

Hey guys,

I just received this from Mrs Clef. You're supposed to read through. I think it's kind of stupid but, well, it's the rules.

I heard that the Wyld Stallyns are participating in the competition too. Their email address was on the mailing list. Think we can beat them?

- Marty

**From - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To: futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Fwd: Notice to bands**

Hi everyone.

And these are the oh so superior rules of the com...

1) The maximum sound volume allowed is 35 decibels. To facilitate this change, no microphones shall be allowed on stage.

35 DECIBELS? What are we, mice? It's not possible to play that soft! And Marty, no offence but don't give me that 'If you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything' speech. It's just... not... possible.

2) No kicking over of any stage object is allowed. Violators of this law will be punished accordingly.

Does 'stage objects' include the person who set these rules? Because I feel like kicking that person.

3) Keep all clothes on.

Why'd we want them off?

4) Patriotic songs are not allowed on the grounds that they give you an unfair advantage.

Like we've ever played any.

5) All band members must be human. So no parrots. It's called 'showing off'.

In other words, I can't join. Right?

And the Wyld Stallyns are participating?

We're doomed. See you all in the next life.

- The Greatest Drummer Ever

**From - myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Yup, we're doomed.**

Uh, my dog trashed my guitar. Do you have another? Looks like I might not be able to play...

Either way, we ARE doomed. I mean, we didn't even survive the audition last month. What makes you think we can win a competition? Why don't we all just quit the band and concentrate on our studies like good little kids?

I'm sorry, Marty, but I doubt we can win this. I don't see why you're so confident. It's not like you know the future or anything.

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Notice to bands**

We are NOT doomed. Not yet. If you put you're mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

No, I don't have a spare guitar.

Just keep on practising, everyone. We CAN win this. We have to. Please. And don't any of you commit suicide or something. It's not worth it. Not yet, anyway.

- Marty

**From - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Notice to bands**

futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com wrote:

If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

I KNEW it!

- The Greatest Drummer Ever

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: HELP!**

Doc, I need a favour. I know what you'd say, but just for once, can you please help me to check the results of the 1985 Battle of the Bands? Please? Because half my band are threatening to drop out and one is contemplating suicide... or at least can you go and wipe the Wyld Stallyns out of existence?

I just can't bear it any more.

Thanks.

- Marty

P.S.: I don't know what Jules is talking about. There IS no conspiracy against him.

**From - richoldgit(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Bad service**

Mr. Tannen,

I believe I asked you to wax my Rolls Royce, BMW, Mercedes Benz and manure truck.

I noticed that you left the truck unwaxed.

I would like my money back, please.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Turich Forwards

**From - acastmember(at)bttf(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, georgemcfly(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I have NO idea who you guys think you are, but I'm reporting this to Universal Studios.

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: HELP!**

Marty, I would like to help you but unfortunately I can't. No one should know too much about their own future, no matter what the reason. You know the possible consequences. I'm sorry. Just practise hard and you might win. Good luck.

- Doc

P.S.: Did you receive an email from 'acastmember(at)bttf(.)com'? Any idea who he or she is?

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Leave me alone. I'm feeling depressed.

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - richoldgit(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Bad service**

I HATE manure. I'm never gone near a single manure truck ever since what happened to me in 1955, and there's no reason why I should now. So there.

- Biff

**From - bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Sorry**

Marty, I know that this is a VERY bad time to say so, but the school band concert is on the same day as the competition. So you guys will have to do without me. Sorry.

P.S.: Don't committ suicide.

P.P.S.: And don't be so depressed.

P.P.P.S.: And remember that things will always look better in the morning.

P.P.P.P.S.: And that it never rains but pours.

P.P.P.P.P.S.: And that every cloud has a silver lining.

- Keyboardist of The Pinheads

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Ha.**

Hi Jules.

Like MY new email address? It's longer than yours and it's nicer too, so there. And I've watched more movies than you, so I'm greater.

- Verne

**From - richoldgit(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Bad service**

Mr. Tannen,

Hating manure is NO excuse for not waxing my truck. You were paid to do it and therefore you shall do it. Do I make myself clear?

GET DOWN TO IT.

- Mr. Turich Forwards

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: HELP!**

Doc,

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? First I receive a set of rules that say we are not allowed to play louder than 35dB, then I hear that the Wyld Stallyns are playing, then my drummer considers suicide, then someone's guitar got trashed, then someone else is dropping out because of her band concert...

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? Whatever it was, I'm SORRY, okay?

Can't you check just this once? I HAVE to know who will win! The whole band(or what's left of it) is convinced we're doomed...

...

- Marty

P.S.: No, I have no idea who 'acastmember(at)bttf(.)com' is. What's more, there's no such website as 'bttf(.)com'. I checked.

**From - acastmember(at)bttf(.)com**

**To - georgemcfly(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

DIE, IMPOSTERS!

Attachment: manniethevirus(.)exe

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To: everybody(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: New email**

Just to let you all know that I changed my email address. Some one sent a virus to my old account. Pass on the news. Thanks.

- George McFly

**From - bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Marty,

I'm in after all. I left my band uniform in China when my family went there last week... I just found out. Anyway, the band major is REALLY mad and basically he kicked me out of the concert. So I'll be coming for the competition with you guys instead.

- Keyboardist of The Pinheads

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - richoldgit(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Sorry.**

Mr. Forwards,

I'm SO sorry for not waxing your manure truck. Attached is a printable copy of $100. Once again, I'm REALLY sorry.

Attachment: manniethevirus(.)exe

**From - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymailcom**

**Subject: Re: Ha.**

Verne, you cytoplasmic organelle,

Thanks for the compliment. Stupid=negative, idiot=negative, negativeXnegative=positive.

I'll have to return that favour one day. And so what if you've watched more movies than me? At least I have better things to do than that. Besides, I'm smarter.

- Jules, King of All We Know

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! ^_^

ErikDevotee: Okay, I changed his address. =D Thanks for reviewing!

Stoko: Thanks for the info. ^_^I didn't know there was a girl in there too. I didn't even notice that there was a keyboard. I was too busy looking out for flutes... =D fine, so there weren't any.

docnov121955: Thanks for your review!

Exotria: It just that in most of the fics Jules seems to hate Marty... and besides, I don't like him. Jules looks like a spoilt brat. And I haven't seen the animated series so...

Back2thechaos: Thanks for you review! I think one of Flaming Trails' fics had their names in them... dunno if she made them up or found them somewhere.


	3. The Jules and Verne Conspiracy

I don't own BttF. Not even the DVD. Just the tapes, one of which is moulding due to being 15 years old.

Parts of this chapter and fic were inspired by 'Albus Dumbledore's Inbox'. It's really funny, go read. ^_^

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL**

Chapter 3

**From - wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Hi dude!**

Hey, you're the leader dude of The Pinheads, right? Excellent! Well, The Wyld Stallyns will be perfoming a most triumphant piece of music at the competition! Don't miss it!

- Bill and his most excellent friend, Ted.

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: HELP!**

Marty, I'm REALLY sorry but I just can't. I don't think you want to go through another lecture on the possible effects on the space-time continuum. What will happen will happen. Sorry.

- Doc

P.S.: I just realised that 'bttf' from 'bttf(.)com' could stand for 'back to the future'. Coincidence?

**From - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I know the results of the 1985 Battle of the Bands competition. It's in this book I stole from the future. Don't tell my father. He'll be really mad.

Want to know? All you have to do is call Verne names and send a virus to his email account. The success of your band depends on this.

- Jules the Superior

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Attachment: manniethevirus(.)exe

**From - futureboy(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Doc,

It doesn't matter. I suppose it won't help much knowing anyway. If we're doomed we're doomed.

I thought you'd like to see this:

death_to_verne(at)hotmail(.)com wrote:

I know the results of the 1985 Battle of the Bands competition. It's in this book I stole from the future. Don't tell my father. He'll be really mad.

Want to know? All you have to do is call Verne names and send a virus to his email account. The success of your band depends on this.

- Jules the Superior

- Marty

P.S.: I went to visit this site called 'backtothefuture(.)com'. It's some weird world news place.

**From - hvtc(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - everyone(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: SAVE THE CLOCKTOWER!**

As all of you should know by now, the Clocktower which overlooks the Hill Valley Courthouse Square is an invaluable piece of our cultural history.

30 years ago, however, on the night of 12th November 1955, this masterpiece of a building that had kept perfect time until then was struck by a bolt of lightning during one of the greatest lightning storms ever to occur in our town.

As a result, the clock stopped, and the building is now in grave danger of being pulled down.

We at the Hill Valley Town Council are hoping to raise enough money to help persuade the government to leave the Clocktower alone, thus preserving an important piece of our history.

YOU can play a part too! Donate today and save the Clocktower!

Thank you.

- President of the Hill Valley Town Council

**From - death_to_verne_brown_and_marty_mcfly(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I suppose you had fun destroying my email account and getting my book confiscated, not to mention making my father force me to wash out the pig sty. Enjoy it while it lasts. One day I'll have my revenge.

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne_brown_and_marty_mcfly(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hi Jules.

Nice email address. Though I don't suppose you could make it shorter? It gets kinda tiring to type out the whole thing.

By the way, did I mention that I visited the cemetery that day and saw your tombstone there? It was kind of moldy.

- Marty

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! ^_^ Thanks.

The 'left band uniform in China' thing is one of my band in-jokes. During the election for band major, one of the questions asked was what they would do if a band member left their uniform in China one day before the concert, and we were like, 'What would the band uniform be doing in CHINA?' =D Yeah, so... my band is weird. ^_^

ErikDevotee: Thanks for your review! =D

Stoko: Thanks for reviewing! Flaming Trails says they're all guys though. *can't be bothered to change chap 2*

Flaming Trails: Thanks for the info. I missed the animated series the first time round and it's not showing here anymore. All the info about J&V were taken from other fics and various bttf websites. And the fact that Verne looks cute and Jules looks like a spoilt brat.

Exotria: I'm still trying to think up an address for Clara. Any ideas? And who's Terry?

docnov121955: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

Ectodude: Last time I had a CAT scan? *thinks* Hey, what d'you know, I've never had one! *stares blankly* Why?

Irish Bug: Yes, you have GOOD mental health. But the people in your head don't.

Erif: What's a cenobite?

Lisa Fagan: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I know many other fics like this.


	4. Of Purple Hats and The Matrix

Disclaimer: All the names featured in this chapter belong to... well... their owners. I still don't own BttF. Yesterday I copied out the logo from a magazine, though. ^_^ Copying movie logs is my hobby. I have a whole collection of copied out movie logos. =D Someone stole my Matrix and Left Behind ones. Fine, so I'm weird.

Oh, and I don't own The Matrix either. And Really Cool Purple Hats belong to back2thechaos. Clarence too.

This fic is DANGEROUSLY close to becoming a BttF/The Matrix/Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure crossover. I hope it won't happen...

I won't be updating for a while until my exam is over (I've only got one, hah! =D). Next update for any of my fics would probably be around June.

New feature: If you like, you can add your own email to the lists. Just write whatever you want to say in your reviews.

**They've Got Mail**

**From - purplesleepingbag(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - mushmeloland(at)hotmail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, joystick_click(at)yahoo(.)com, smellysocksstink(at)hotmail(.)com, ouchywawa(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, mirror_mirror_on_the_wall(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

Hi everyone. Add your name onto the list.

Hello. All you have to do is add your name to this list and email it to me at 'icecubes_are_cool(at)yahoo(.)com', then forward it to others. I'm having a contest with my friend to see who can come up with the most people first. Thanks. Your help in this would be greatly appreciated.

1. Joyce Lee

2. Thomas Anderson

3. Morpheus

4. Ernie

5. Bert

6. J.R.R. Tolkein

7. Mark Hamill

8. Harrison Ford

9. Elvis Presley

10. Carrie Fisher

11. Tinky Winky

12. Luke Skywalker

13. Sharon Ow

14. J.K. Rowling

15. Danielle Radcliffe

16. Rupert Grint

17. Jonathan Sam

18. Clarence the Invisible

19. Leia Organa Solo

20. Saddam Hussein

21. Lando Calrissan

22. Emma Watson

23. Michael J. Fox

24. Christopher Lloyd

25. Crispin Glover

26. Algernon the Mouse

27. Stuart Little

28. Fievel the Mouse

29. Willard

30. Dipsy

31. Atticus Finch

32. Po

33. Thomas F. Wilson

34. Mister Sandman

35. Asterix

36. Obelix

37. Vitalstatistix

38. Osammy B. Laddy

39. La-la

40. C.S. Lewis

41. Frodo Baggins

42. Lea Thompson

43. Gollum

44. Smeagol

45. The Preciousssss

46. Lone Starr

47. Dark Helmet

48. Peregrin Took

49. Keith Gow

50. The Farmer In The Dell

51. Mr. Bean

52. Yoda

53. Bill S. Preston Esquire

54. Ted Theodore Logan

55. [Please add your name]

**From - founder_of_clayton_ravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Hi!**

Hi Marty!

Clara here. Seems that my family have been sending you a lot of mail. If J&V give you any trouble, you have my full permission to send a virus to them.

Hope your band wins the competition. Good luck.

- Clara

**From - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hello Marty.

Your future lies in MY hands.

MUAHAHAHAHA!

- Anakin McFly of fanfiction(.)net

**From - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

I was thinking... maybe we can distribute earmuffs before the performance? So that we won't sound so loud?

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Doc.

I received this weird email:

Hello Marty.

Your future lies in MY hands.

MUAHAHAHAHA!

- Anakin McFly of fanfiction(.)net

Any idea what it means? Because there's no such website as fanfiction(.)net.

- Marty

**From - death_to_verne_brown_and_marty_mcfly(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

That day we took a little trip to the future and I saw YOUR tombstone. They spelt your name wrong, and someone had written 'chicken' on it. Me.

So you won't send a virus to Verne, huh? What's the matter, McFly? CHICKEN?

- Jules, Greatest Product of the Human Race

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - death_to_verne_brown_and_marty_mcfly(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

NOBODY... calls me chicken.

Attachment: clarencetheinvisiblevirus(.)exe

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: The Matrix**

Wake up, Marty.

The Matrix has you.

Follow the purple chinchilla.

Knock knock, Marty.

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - hotchoclat(at)hvmentalhospital(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Am I going crazy?**

Yeah, you can have my autograph.

Attachment: autograph(.)doc

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: The Matrix**

Who are you?

What's the Matrix?

- Marty

**From - admin(at)rcph(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Really Cool Purple Hats for Sale!**

Think you look uncool?

Does nobody ever notice you?

Do you have no friends at all?

Are you looking for a way to stop this all?

Then look no more! Just pop down to any cheapstuff4sale outlet and buy yourself a Really Cool Purple Hat!

All your newfound friends will be jealous!

You'll be the coolest person in town!

So... what are you waiting for?

Just dial 4323212 for us to specially deliver the hat(s) to your doorstep, or come on down yourself to get them!

See you soon!

- Randy, Candy, Pandy and Handy

Really Cool Purple Hats

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: The Matrix**

No one can tell you what the Matrix is.

You have to see it for yourself.

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Marty,

Jules was playing with the device that connects us and something strange happened. I don't know what it is, but suddenly all the previously inaccessible websites have become accessible.

YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS.

www(.)bttf(.)com

The link should work now.

- Doc

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Biff.

I just bought a new car. Give it 2 coats of wax the next time you drop by. Thanks.

- George McFly

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

So how can I 'see' it? As in the Matrix? It sounds like some movie or something.

And I still don't know what's going on.

WHO ARE YOU?

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Mr. McFly,

Okay, I'll get right down to it.

- Biff

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

I went to the site and now I'm feeling totally freaked out. I don't understand. What's going on?

Maybe whatever Jules did unlocked some sort of portal into another dimension or... I don't know.

Whatever it is, I'm scared. Really. I'm not ever going to that site again. It's cursed or something. Maybe this has something to do with the Matrix, whatever that is. Just don't talk to me for a while. I'm feeling really confused.

- Marty

P.S.: Today Biff wore this really weird hat to work. Wish you were here to see it.

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Biff,

WHAT. WERE. YOU. WEARING. ON. YOUR. HEAD?

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Mr. McFly,

I was wearing a Really Cool Purple Hat! Don't you think it looked nice? I ordered it online at www(.)reallycoolpurplehats(.)com. Do you want one too? I can help you get it.

- Biff

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

My name is Neo. I thought you would have guessed so from my email address.

I cannot tell you what the Matrix is.

But follow me... and all your questions will be answered.

I know all about you, Marty.

Of how you struggle to keep your band together.

Of everything that has happened in your entire life.

Of the events of that fateful day, 26th October 1985.

All your life you have known that something was not quite right. You have been searching for the truth that you knew was out there, but never found it.

Now, I give you the chance to do so.

I can answer all those questions of yours, Marty.

"What is the Matrix?"

"Will Doc ever come back?"

"Will I ever be early for school?"

"Will those people EVER stop bugging me to donate to the Clocktower?"

"Who is Michael J. Fox?"

I have the answers, Marty.

Now all you have to do... is to follow the purple chinchilla.

There is not much time left. You have to come. Because you are the only one who knows the truth.

- Neo

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

I don't know who you are, I don't know what you mean, I don't know how you know everything you do but I don't want to find out.

Just leave me alone, okay? I don't know the 'truth', whatever that is.

If you want somebody to go torture, why don't you go email Biff? His email address is 'bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com'. But I bet you knew that already, right?

So just leave me alone! I haven't done anything to deserve this!

And there's no such thing as a purple chinchilla. Purple hat, maybe. Biff was wearing one today. BUT NO PURPLE CHINCHILLA.

- Marty

TO BE CONTINUED...

Stoko: Thanks for your review!

docnov121955: Thanks for reviewing!

Ectodude: Brain damage? *scratches head* I dunno. According to my parents I fell out of my cot when I was a baby. Maybe something happened then.

Irish Bug: You're dead? Since when? :S CONTINUE YOUR BTTF FIC ON PAIN OF DEATH!

Exotria: Thanks for the suggestions! They were... uh... inspiring. ^_^

Lady Baggins of the Shire: *sigh* Seems that everyone's getting the DVD except for me. Then again, I already have all three tapes, so...

B2tC: Okay, maybe I'll give Einie an email address too...


	5. Strangers From Out There

Disclaimer: BttF is the property of Universal Studios and Amblin Entertainment, and any actors mentioned in this chapter belong to themselves. Really Cool Purple Hats are from back2thechaos. I also own neither The Matrix nor Scooby Doo nor the two Bill and Ted movies.

THANKS EVERYBODY FOR YOUR REVIEWS! =D I never expected to get that much. ^_^

They've Got Mail: Part 5

~-~-~

**From - admin(at)worlddomzine(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject - World Domination Magazine**

Do you hate life?

Do you hate everyone?

Do you hate manure?

Do you wish to take over the world?

If your answer to any of that is 'yes', then wait no more and subscribe to WORLDDOMZINE!

This online magazine provides you with detailed instructions on how to go about taking over the world, as well as many examples of others who have succeeded in doing so.

If you wish to be like them, well, you know what to do!

Simply visit our website at '(.)com' and register there to get a copy of the magazine every week!

And the best thing is, it's completely FREE! No hidden costs!

It couldn't be better!

In a short time, the whole world will know your name! You'll go down in history as the one who took over the world!

So what are you waiting for? Subscribe now!

- S. Hussein

Worlddomzine

~-~-~

**From - PIcaRDMPC(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hello Marty. I know everything there is to know about you. I know all about your time-travelling experiences, and all about everything else involved with them. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

- Matt "PIcaRDMPC" Carpenter"

~-~-~

**From - buttercup's_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Martin Seamus Mcfly,

I hear you have a problem with a Jules Brown, older offspring of Emmett Lathrop Brown and Clara Clayton. Do you want any help? Just e-mail me back and I'll give you the solution. Also send any questions if you like. Remember:

Cheese is happy, but not as happy as pancakes and donuts, and waffles aren't happy at all.

- Faolcrop McFly

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - PIcaRDMPC(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

You're one of THEM, aren't you? LEAVE ME ALONE!

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - admin(at)rcph(.)com**

**Subject: Lousy product**

To whoever is out there:

The Really Cool Purple Hat I ordered for my chinchilla is too big! I demand a refund. Now.

- Biff

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - buttercup's_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

How'd you know about Jules? If you're another one of THEM, go away. And I think you need psychiatric help. Waffles ARE happy. And so are pancakes and donuts.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Biff,

Just to let you know, pets are not allowed while you work. Especially chinchillas with overlarge Really Cool Purple Hats. Thank you.

- George McFly

~-~-~

**From - wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Questionnaire**

Hi dude! Good luck for the competition, though we will probably beat you anyway. Just for fun, here's something for you to fill up and send to other dudes! Have fun!

Party on, dude!

- Ted 'Theodore' Logan and Bill S. Preston Esquire

WHAT'S THE DATE?: 6 December 1985

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?: This, dude!

FULL NAME: Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston Esquire

AGE: 17

WHERE WERE YOU BORN: San Dimas

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?: Nothing, dude!

YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN: Woman, dude!

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?: YEAH!

EMBARRASING MOMENT: None, dude!

YOUR GOOD FRIENDS: Each other!

PERSONS IN YOUR FAMILY? Our family members!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE...

BEVERAGE? The Wyld Stallyns drink

MOVIE? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

ACTRESS? She's a girl, dude!

ACTOR? Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter

AUTHOR? We can't read, dude!

BANDS/SINGER? The Wyld Stallyns!

SPORTS? Walking, dude!

CAREER/AMBITION? To be the greatest band ever.

HAVE YOU EVER...

LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? No, dude!

DRANK? Of course, dude! We need water to survive!

SMOKED? Nah.

BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? Uh, no.

COME CLOSE TO DYING? Sort of, dude! We were planning to dye our hair blue, but we didn't have the cash!

ARE YOU A...

GOOD STUDENT? Dude, we were nearly kicked out of school!

DO YOU...

WET THE BED? NO!

COLLECT ANYTHING? Nothing, dude!

BEEN IN TROUBLE A LOT? That's none of your business, dude!

EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION $ ? Course not! They're smarter than us!

KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS?: Yeah, dude!

ANYONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? Yeah! It shall be called 'The Wyld Stallyns Movie'!

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Bill and Ted, dude!

WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON? Nobody, dude! We don't go round crushing other dudes!

- The End -

- Bill and Ted

~-~-~

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**From - GeeDDf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: something**

futureboy85: YOU ARE MICHAEL J. FOX.

neo_anderson: Can I follow the purple chinchilla?

julesvernefan: Make a time machine!!

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hilllvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Purple chinchilla**

I told you to follow the purple chinchilla. So why didn't you?

- Neo, The One

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - GeeDDf(at)yahoo(.)com, neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: something**

NO I'M NOT, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! LEAVE ME ALONE, CAN'T YOU? ALL OF YOU!

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, GeeDDf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: something**

WHO WAS THE IDIOT WHO CLICKED THE 'REPLY ALL' BUTTON?

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - GeeDf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: something**

Just wondering... how did you get my email address? And I've already made a time machine.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - GeeDDf(at)yahoo(.)com, neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: something**

It was me. Sorry.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Purple chinchilla**

It wasn't a purple chinchilla. It was a chinchilla wearing a Really Cool Purple Hat. And I thought I told you to go after Biff instead.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - GeeDDf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: something**

If you want to follow the purple chinchilla, go ahead. I doubt you'll find one though.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Purple chinchilla**

It was a purple chinchilla all the same. I thought you'd have known that. And for your information, you're not the only one I'm after.

- Neo

~-~-~

We shall now have the priveledge of viewing an email irrelevant to BttF.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - keanu_reeves(at)imdb(.)com**

**Subject: The Matrix**

Wake up, Keanu.

The Matrix has you.

Follow the yellow hamster.

Knock knock, Keanu.

~-~-~

- End sneak peek -

~-~-~

**From - worldsfirsttimetraveler(at)catsanddogs(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Woof!

- Einie

~-~-~

**From - scoobydoo(at)catsanddogs(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Ri Rarty!

Rinie rold re rarout ru.

Reheh!

- Rooby roo

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Uh... Doc?

Einie... sent me an email.

What's going on over there?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, founder_of_clayton_ravine(at)hotmail(.)com, bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Questionnaire**

I can't believe I"m actually doing this. Oh well.

WHAT'S THE DATE?: 7 December 1985

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?: Checking email

FULL NAME: Martin Seamus McFly

AGE: 17

WHERE WERE YOU BORN: Hill Valley, California

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?: People calling me chicken

YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN: Jennifer

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?: I think so...

EMBARRASING MOMENT: That's none of your business.

YOUR GOOD FRIENDS: Doc

PERSONS IN YOUR FAMILY? Mum, Dad, Dave, Linda... if you want my whole family tree, just ask for it.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE...

BEVERAGE? Pepsi

MOVIE? Don't really have one.

ACTRESS? Not telling.

ACTOR? Anyone but Michael J. Fox

AUTHOR? Dunno.

BANDS/SINGER? The Pinheads. Duh.

SPORTS? Skateboarding!

CAREER/AMBITION? To be the greatest band ever.

HAVE YOU EVER...

LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY? Uh... no.

DRANK? Yup.

SMOKED? Nah.

BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? Sort of...

COME CLOSE TO DYING? Nope. Being erased from existence, yes.

ARE YOU A...

GOOD STUDENT? I strongly doubt Mr. Strickland thinks so.

DO YOU...

WET THE BED? NO!

COLLECT ANYTHING? Um... don't think so...

BEEN IN TROUBLE A LOT? Heheh.

EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION $ ? Are you crazy?

KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR 15 MILLION DOLLARS?: No.

ANYONE OFFERED YOU A SMALL PART IN A MOVIE WOULD YOU ACCEPT? Maybe. Depends on the movie.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Marty, and I shall not reveal the rest for certain reasons with regards to the space-time continuum.

WHO DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON? Um, Jennifer?

- The End -

- Marty

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! Continue to send more mails! ^_^

Ideas are welcome for the email addresses of Jennifer and any other character not yet mentioned. I need inspiration...

I am resisting the temptation to turn this into an actor fic...

Stoko: Yup, he can see too. =D But I won't torture him with that... yet. What did you mean in your latest review? Who's TP? Where or what is STGN?

Irish Bug: Algernon is a cute mouse. Does he live in your head too? ^_^

docnov121955: Thanks for reviewing!

PIcaRDMPC: Okay, I added your mail in. But you've got to continue replying yourself. This is an interactive fic.

Exotria: Then what happens after Jules gets sucked into another dimension?

Faolcrop and Buttercup McFly: 'Cheese is happy, but not as happy as pancakes and donuts, and waffles aren't happy at all.' ?! What the...

Indigo Ziona: I've also seen a 'Draco Skywalker' around somewhere... If you REALLY want to know, one of my other penname ideas was 'Anakin 'Neo' McFly, the Deranged Muggle Oboist Dude of Rivendell', but I decided it was too long... Yup, I did the questionnaire thingy too. It was from a classmate. HOW DID YOU GET SO MANY REVIEWS?

Father Hulk: Okay. Thanks for your review!

White She Devil: I thought Part 2 made perfect sense. Then I came to and wasn't so sure anymore.

starfish: Laughing too much is a sign of insanity. *looks wise*

DeLorean86: Sheesh. You guys never give up trying to guess where I live, huh? So... what makes you think so?


	6. Clarence, Neo, and Ted

Disclaimer: I don't own BttF. Frankly, I don't really care anymore.

Thanks for all your reviews! ^_^

**They've Got Mail**

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Marty!

Dad hooked up our TV to the connecting device thing and now we have a whole lot of new TV shows and movies coming in! I watched Stuart Little and Willard yesterday. I like rodents. I got a pet mouse named Algernon, and Jules wants to kill him. He tried but Algy bit him. Hah.

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I'm a psychic! I've read about you sending a virus to Jules. I can help you delete his e-mail account...for GOOD! Just ask me how and I'll tell you. It's different for every person.

- Faolcrop McFly

P.S.: Marty, I AM YOUR SECOND COUSIN! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Uh, Mom, I was just wondering... do I have a second cousin named Faolcrop?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - jules_the_great(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Say goodbye to Algernon. Apparently the sleep inducer kills when used on mice.

- Jules, Spangle of the Cosmos

~-~-~

**From - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Faolcrop? No, I don't think you have a second cousin by that name.

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To: julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Dear Doc, you sexy thing, leave Clara and I'll make you the happiest man alive!

-Flaming Trails

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

I already know how to delete Jules' email account. Thanks anyway. Go delete Biff's.

- Marty

P.S. You are NOT my second cousin, as far as I know.

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

JULES KILLED ALGERNON! Send him another virus, please!

My parents were arguing today. Mom said something about Dad flirting with girls from the future through e-mail. Someone named 'Flaming Trails'. Mom's REALLY mad. Apparently she saw him checking his mail and pulled the computer plug before he could reply.

- Verne

~-~-~

The following was sent in by another reviewer

~-~-~

**From - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: MESSAGE FROM THE ZION TOURIST COMMISSION**

Come to Zion. Marvell at the clammy air. Wonder at the massive caverns. Taste our tasteless and disgusting synthetic meals.

NOTE: No creepy dudes with ugly black suits and shades allowed. Only exception: Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith.

Rock on dudes!

Bill & Ted, Zion tourist commission.

~-~-~

**From - founder_of_clayton_ravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Look here, Flaming Trails, I don't know who you are, but you LEAVE MY HUSBAND ALONE!

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I thought I told you to leave me alone? The Wyld Stallyns just emailed me through your website. I never knew they were with you. So THAT's how you know so much about me. Liar. Just when I was starting to believe you.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - hvosearch(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Search failure**

Mrs. McFly,

We are sorry but we have been unable to find anyone named Calvin or Martin Klein in the 1955 school records. We can tell from your email address that you love him very much, but perhaps you got his name wrong?

Once again, we apologise for our failure.

- The Hill Valley Online Search Team

~-~-~

**From - squashed_tomatoes(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Marty!

Have you heard about Jennifer and Clarence? Someone said he saw them together.

- David

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Jen,

What's this I hear about you and Clarence? Don't tell me you've been dating my best friend.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - admin(at)theinsuranceguys(.)com**

**To - everyone(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Manure Insurance**

Do you always crash into manure trucks?

Do you always smell of manure as a result?

Do you simply HATE manure?

Then buy our special Manure Insurance Package (MIP) now!

MIP will take care of all costs brought about by manure, at a small price of $1000 a month!

Visit our website at (.)com for more details. There, we also provide you with more information on any insurance related topic.

- The Insurance Guys: Dazza, Shazza, Gazza, Bazza and Frank.

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Clarence? Never heard of him. Who's that?

- Jen

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Hi**

Uh... who's this? I've never seen you around before... Someone told me you're the Wyld Stallyns. Who are you?

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - jen_parker241(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Clarence is whoever you want him to be. And he's invisible. WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MY FRIEND?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Marty, are you sure you're okay? You mean you have invisible friends? At this age? And I told you, I don't know who he is.

- Jennifer

~-~-~

**From - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hiya Neo dude!

Yup! We ARE the Wyld Stallyns! I'm Ted, and this dude next to me on the computer is my most excellent friend, Bill! Tomorrow we're going for this competition where we'll be playing a most triumphant piece of music!

Party on, dude!

- Bill and Ted

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! ^_^

Neo meets Ted... haha. =D

No questionnaire thing for this chap because I was out of ideas. Anyone who feels free enough to fill up one for any character is completely welcome to do so in their review. I might use it.

Stoko: NO! I won't remove it! I want all the reviews I can get! Sorry.

Ectodude: Sorry, but you did not manage to beat the record for the shortest review I've ever received with your '...'. The current record is still '^^' from Pip.

Faolcrop and Buttercup McFly: You spelt 'psychic' wrongly. ^_^ Thanks for your letter...

White She Devil: Huh? What stuff from people you don't know?

Rhys: I don't know if that was meant to be included, but I added it in anyway. Thanks! =D By the ff(.)net mails, I meant the ones sent in by reviewers.

Flaming Trails: Thanks for your suggestion cum mail cum review. ^_^ Kindly reply to Clara's email. This is fun... =D

starfish: Wait... therapist? What therapist? 0.0 YOU HAVE A THERAPIST?

PIP- Still A Lazy Frog: So now there's a dead mouse in your head? ... Okay... Where's your strange love mails to Marty?

Indigo Ziona: Have you seen the animated version of Bill and Ted? Because I haven't. I updated my HP fic on a Wednesday and got 13 reviews. I updated the same fic on a Tuesday and got 1 review. According to my classmate, Tuesdays are a bad day to post stories... wonder why... Thanks for reviewing!

Hoverboard Kid: Thanks for your review! ^_^

White She Devil: Did you really have to review twice?

Captain of the U.S.S. Sovereign: Sorry, but I received your review just before I was going to post this. Yours will be featured in the next chapter. Thanks for the mail!


	7. Flaming Trails vs Gina vs Clara

Disclaimer: Guess what? A most amazing truth just revealed itself to me! I DON'T OWN BTTF! =D I also don't own The Matrix, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Barney and Friends or Chrichael J. Floxoyd. For those of you who don't know who Chrichael is, just ask.

One more thing... thanks to everyone who sent in emails! ^_^ They are all greatly appreciated. (To Flaming Trails: Did you really need to send that many?)

**They've Got Mail**

~-~-~

**From - hi_i_am_a_dude(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - marshmallowsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, I12P(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, mashed_snakes(at)hotmail(.)com, findingneo(at)yahoo(.)com, brocolli_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, clocktower123(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, chrichael_j_floxoyd(at)twilightzone(.)com, poisonforlunch(at)hotmail(.)com, icecubes_yay(at)hotmail(.)com, death_to_you(at)wehatemanure(.)com, nolife69(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Pass this on and help.**

Very Fett is a poor, misunderstood individual whose name has been made fun of time and again. Now, however, Barney and Friends Inc. has offered to give him a name-change for the price of $10,000,000. Coming from a poor family, Very Fett is therefore unable to come up with the seemingly meagre sum. However, Barney and Friends Inc. has generously said that they would pay 1 cent of the total cost for each e-mail sent out to inform others of Very Fett's condition.

You too can play a part! Forward this mail to everyone you know, and help raise the money! Every cent counts!

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Looking for someone from your past? Maybe Marty is closer to you than you think.

- Stoko

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Make me. I have an army of groupies ready and waiting to storm the house and take Doc -- by force, if necessary. I hold the Book of E-ville and am friends with a killer bunny. ((.)net) I WILL have Doc.

- Flaming Trails

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Good luck**

Okay guys, I don't know when you'll be getting this but the competition's today so just play your best and see what we get.

P.S. I tried distributing earmuffs to the teacher's but they didn't fall for it. We have to do this the hard way, then. Cover your instrument with sound-proof material. Hopefully it works.

Good luck everybody.

~-~-~

**From - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Huh? Who are you?

- Lorraine McFly

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Come and try to get him. You won't succeed. WE'RE MARRIED, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! What on earth makes you think he'll leave me for you?

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Doc.

The competition's today. Wish me luck.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

You girls keep your hands off my doc! He's mine!

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hallo. You're so cute when you're asleep! I worship the ground you walk on. I plan to liberate you from The Dark One's Grip soon, don't worry.

- Flaming Trails

~-~-~

**From - myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Gooder luck**

Yeah, same thing, good luck everybody. We can do this. To quote Marty, 'If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.' THE WYLD STALLYNS SHALL WISH THEY NEVER WERE BORN!

P.S. I received one of those earmuffs. My dog tried to eat it and had to be sent to the vet.

~-~-~

**From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Emmett you sexy hotty... I need an examination Dr. Brown... forget Flaming and Clara... I can make you REALLY happy.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hey there. Just to let you know, Jennifer hasn't been going out with Clarence. Clarence is going out with her twin sister, Claudia Elisabeth. I was at their first date together. Jennifer isn't cheating on you. :)

Also, I think I have a way to get Neo to leave you be. . . . :)

~-~-~

**From - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Gooder luck**

To quote Marty, 'If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Who ARE you, by the way? Just that Clara keeps blaming me for flirting with you and I don't even know who you are.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I noticed you sent an e-mail to Keanu Reeves. Neo, you ARE Keanu Reeves. Furthermore, it has been established by Mike J. Nelson that Keanu Reeves is equivalent to a 2-by-4. Therefore, YOU are a 2-by-4. :)

- Flaming Trails

~-~-~

**From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Emmett you gorgeous doctor... forget Flaming Trails and Clara...you are the only one that I want.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com, DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

All right. This calls for drastic measures. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH DOC?

Leave him alone unless you want a virus sent to you each. You hear?

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Emmett, who are all those girls who keep sending love letters to you? Kindly be reminded that YOU ARE MARRIED.

- Your darling wife, Clara.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Keanu Reeves? Never heard of him. I might have sent something to him though... I send something to everyone who might be the next One. Which is a lot of people.

And what makes you think I'm a piece of wood?

- Neo

P.S. You're not an agent by any chance, are you?

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Clara, do you really have to keep checking my mail for me? How do you access my account, anyway?

- Emmett

~-~-~

**From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Marty,

Don't you feel the pain of Jules killing Verne's pet? The little son of a (censored to keep this G)! I have a virus you can give the bird. It's called... THE COCONUT VIRUS! It makes everything belonging to Jules turn into things from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. When one of the things turns into a coconut, the receiver's e-mail account is deleted for all time.

Besides, I'M THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY! EVERYONE FORGETS ABOUT ME!

- Faolcrop McFly

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

If you don't like me checking your mail, then maybe you should change your password to something less obvious. I mean, 12111955? You call that secretive?

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Fine, send Jules The Coconut Virus. Not that it would do much good... I mean, he'll just get a new e-mail account. He's done it at least three times already.

I checked, and there's no Faolcrop in my family. Who are you, really? A black sheep, as you said? We don't have many sheep around here... and there's certainly none in my family.

Sorry, but I've got to go. I'm late for a competition.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis**

Dear Doctor Brown,

My name is Dan Shannon, and I am with a band of men known as the TimeWise Dimensional Assistance Unit. We travel to other dimensions, and since we've been to your world, other worlds are crossing over into yours.

We need your help, Doctor Brown. Contact me with a reply if you're willing to co-operate.

- Dan Shannon, Paratech Industries

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Dimensional Crisis**

What kind of help do you need? Tell me and I'll see what I can do.

~-~-~

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**From - geeddf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I found a purple chinchilla in my backyard. And I DO live on Earth. In las vegas, nevada to be exact...

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - geeddf(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Go ahead then. Follow it and see where you end up.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: The Matrix**

Neo, Neo.

Do you really know what the Matrix is?

Because you don't, although you may think you do.

The Matrix is a movie, Neo.

But of course, you won't believe that. Because if it was, you would know, right?

Wrong.

I know all about you, Neo.

Of how you never wanted to be The One.

Of how you miss that fast food restaurant near your house.

Of how you envy Agent Smith's sunglasses.

I can answer all those questions of yours, Neo.

"Who are you?"

"Will Agent Smith ever let me try on those cool sunglasses of his?"

"Will I ever eat a Big Mac again?"

"Who is Keanu Reeves?"

I have the answers, Neo.

Now all you have to do... is follow the green squirrel.

Time is running out.

Oh yeah.

- Anakin McFly

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! ^_^

A note to anyone who wishes to send in mails in future; here are some rules:

- Kindly refrain from swearing, for two main reasons: One, I don't want to up the rating, and two, the author is an innocent 13 year old whose mind should not be polluted by such vulgarities.

- I will not be accepting any more e-mails which go along the line of '*insert character's name*, you are *insert actor's name*'. Sorry, but YOU CAN'T GIVE THEM THE TRUTH! THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! =P

Stoko: Okay, I put yours in. Thanks for your review!

Flaming Trails: The '(.)com' thing was so funny! ^_^ I received that like three times, and I was laughing so much everyone was giving me weird looks... Blame the weird formatting on ff(.)net. Did you really have to send so many mails? I could base the whole chapter just on them... thanks! =D By the way, who's Mike J. Nelson?

Faolcrop and Buttercup McFly: 'The Coconut Virus'? 0.0 Thanks for reviewing!

DocNov121955: Yours and Flaming Trail's reviews are... strange. This fic seems to be turning into yet another Catfight sequel... They were funny, anyway. ^_^

starfish: Ask your therapist to review. If you still know where he or she is.

Ectodude: Thanks for your mail! =D And I forgot to mention the last time that I have been hit on the head/face by a basketball AT LEAST 8 times. It might have affected my brain somehow. One of those times, my spectacles broke and I had to wear contacts for the rest of that week... bleagh.

Temporary Insanity: Is your temporal illness over yet? Thank you vewy much for reviewing.

Lapis Lazuli: Thanks for reviewing! You're back2thechaos' cousin? Okay...

mahoygan135: "Hey how about if Michael J. Fox starts sending Marty emails?" NOOOOOO! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME? I really really really really really want to do that but there's just one thing... ACTOR FICS ARE ILLEGAL ON FF(.)net! *goes off to cry* *sob* Of course, if you e-mailed MJF for me and asked his permission... *looks hopeful*


	8. Follow the Green Squirrel

Disclaimer: I don't own Back to the Future, The Matrix, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure or any other movie/book that might pop up.

I should probably have said this at the beginning, but I'll do it now: THIS FIC IS WRITTEN WITH SINCERE *cough* APOLOGIES TO MICHAEL J. FOX AND KEANU REEVES.

*gets sued by the afore mentioned people*

Bleagh.

Once again, thanks to everyone who reviewed, and even more thanks to those who sent in e-mails... they give me LOTS of inspiration. ^_^ You guys never give up, do you?

I AM SCRAPPING THE QUESTIONNAIRE. Of course, if you are willing to fill one up for any character, you are absolutely welcome and I might add it in.

CONFESSION: I have not watched The Matrix: Reloaded. *dodges thrown stones* I'll watch it some day, I will! I'm just waiting for the DVD to come out... and besides, I've watched the first one like a hundred times...

If I occasionally mistype the addresses of some people, please forgive me. I can't exactly remember every single address that well.

Oh, and go visit my website. I just added in a news ticker thing! I like it! =D

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL**

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: re: nil**

Who am I? You don't need to know, but I know all about that week in 1955, how you met your husband, and how you always wondered what happened to "Calvin Klein", what was it you said, like kissing your brother? Now that I trust I've got your attention, just ask yourself, how many other Martys do you know, and how alike are they exactly?

~-~-~

**From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**To - jules_the_great(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

SEE YOU IN HELL, RAT-KILLER!

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

I don't know how you know all that and I don't know what you're implying, but there's NO WAY that my son was Calvin.

And besides, I still don't know who you are. Sorry, but I don't talk to strangers.

- Lorraine

~-~-~

**From - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Just to depress you guys even more**

Now wasn't that a GREAT competition? We lost. All that hard work, amounting to nothing... HOW COULD WE HAVE LOST? The Wyld Stallyns don't even know how to play! The judges are biased, and that's all there is to it! HELLO? We spent more time practising than any band in the world... it's not fair, it's just not fair... So much for your favourite quote, Marty.

- Someone contemplating the possibility of leaving The Pinheads

~-~-~

**From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Try it Dark One...just try it...Emmett will be mine...isn't that right Emmett?

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - pinheads_forever(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, myguitarneedstuning(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, bandgeekofhillvalley(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Just to depress you guys even more**

Fine, so we lost. Big deal. It's just one competition after all. I mean, there's always a next time.

And if you guys need anything to prove that we _can_ do it next year, perhaps you'd like to know that we managed at least to stay within the sound limit. I guess the soundproof material worked.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

I changed my password, and I would appreciate it very much if you stop trying to hack into my e-mail account.

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Marty!

The strangest thing happened today. Jules opened an email and suddenly everything that belonged to him turned into things from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was weird. Then his goldfish turned into a coconut and his account was deleted. Jules kicked me out of the room because I was laughing so much. You should have seen it!

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Dimensional Crisis**

Doctor Brown,

We have a serious problem. Small rips in the 4th dimension have caused strange things to start ripping into each other. Have you, any members of your family, any friends, or other kinds of acquiesces been getting e-mails from strange sources?

The rips are also creating a sort of psychosis apprehension. They're causing some people to go insane, ie, invisible people, purple chinchillas, and so on. If we were to seal the tears in the Space-Time Continuum, these affects are temporary, but if they don't seal, the psychosis will then be permanent.

One theory I have thought of is if these things from other dimensions interfer too much with another world's time stream, it will cause something simular to a paradox, only on a para-dimensional plane, and will destroy not just one, but all universes me and my team has visited.

Doctor, we need your invention, known as the "Flux Capacitor", to help us seal the tears in your world. Are you willing to accept this mission?

- Dan Shannon, Paratech Industries

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: MY DOC**

Doc WAS going to leave you to fall over a ravine, Clara baby. He was supposed to pick you up, but chickened out when he found out it would affect the future. :p So your case against me is... ?

Gina, you TRAITOR! I try to set up a time-share plan with you once we capture him and this is how you repay me?! THIS MEANS WAR!

- Flaming Trails

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Dear Emmett,

So now it's '26101985'? Creative. Very creative.

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - Eds(at)butteredtoast(.)com**

**To - everyone(at)yahoo(.)com, everyone(at)thematrix(.)com, everyone(at)paratech(.)com,everyone(at)aol(.)com, everyone(at)hotmail(.)com, everyone(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject - hi**

Hullo! There are three of us here. I'm Edd, ED I AM, and I am Eddy! So... Hi everybody!

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**Re: Re: Re: Dimensional Crisis**

Mr. Shannon

Yes, I know some people who _have_ been receiving strange e-mails and I had some idea of what was happening. However, the purple chinchilla has nothing to do with it. Apparently it was simply a chinchilla wearing a purple hat. I suppose I can help you if you want to.

- Dr. E.L. Brown

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: The Matrix**

I don't know who you are, I don't know what you're getting at, leave me alone, thank you.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com, DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Who are you?**

Uh... I still don't know who you two are... and maybe you should stop sending me e-mail for a while. I think my wife's getting a little angry.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - everyone(at)yahoo(.)com, everyone(at)thematrix(.)com, everyone(at)paratech(.)com,everyone(at)aol(.)com, everyone(at)hotmail(.)com, everyone(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Eds(at)butteredtoast(.)com**

**Subject: Re: hi**

???

~-~-~

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi son.

Someone named Michael J. Fox emailed me asking who you were. Do you know him by any chance?

~-~-~

**From - Mrs_Scap_Smith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Wyld Stallyns**

'Lo there,

I am from a group of people how can't stand people as dumb as them. It's not that I don't really like them, it's just that they don't even know that their brains are still alive. If they had a little encouragement then thay could be a little more um, smart.

Why does this concern you?

I have no idea.

I forgot why.

It seems stupidity is infectious, so stay away from Bill and Ted ^_^

'K? I hope you win the battle of the bands!

Laters

- Scap

~-~-~

**From - trinity(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Green squirrel**

Hi Neo.

Morpheus was just wondering if the green squirrel that we've been seeing around lately has anything to do with you. The Colourful Rodent Mutilation Department swears they don't know anything about it.

- Trinity

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Just to let you all know, Marty has locked himself away from the computer and has refused to check his e-mail for the rest of this week. Don't ask me why. He claims The Matrix is after him and that I should kill Biff's purple chinchilla. Anyway, I'll be checking his mail for him for this week, so if you want to tell him anything just continue sending to his account and I'll tell him what the mail is about.

- Jennifer

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com, DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: THIS IS WAR.**

All right then. If this is how you want it, I shall play along too.

Attachment:

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

You know, I have a friend named Emily Martin Brown, and her parents are Verne and Marlene Brown. You don't think... ?

Good luck with the competition, Marty! Death to Bill and Ted!

~-~-~

**From - Mrs_Scap_Smith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Addys, monkeys and flying peppers**

Mr Anderson,

How is Zion? Last I heared, flying orange peppers had infested the the cave temple rave type thingy.

If so, I know how to get rid of them and all you have to do is give me Agent Smith's e-mail addy. You know it's only right.

You know you can't resist the power of Monkeys.

Give me his addy and all will be well.

If not, then I will be just as happy with Elrond Halfelf's e-mail addy.

Refuse and the flying orange peppers will kill Trinity, or what ever the heck her name is.

You have been warned.

Laters!

- Scap

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hi. Marty said he thinks you're one of _them_, whoever that is, but it doesn't matter, any enemy of the Wyld Stallyns can't be that bad. On the subject of Emily Martin Brown, he said maybe. He also said he lost the competition, the good luck didn't work, and thanks for your support on killing Bill and Ted.

- Jennifer

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: To His Smoothness**

Marty, what's up with this Jennifer? She's taller than you, man. You're too sexy for that ugly leprachaun! You and your sexy guitar. Now, I'm your height. ;)

- Piper *kisses*

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - MrsScapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Addys, monkeys, and flying peppers**

Whyever would you want Agent Smith's e-mail address? Anyway, it's 'cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com'. Go ahead, send him all the junk mail you want and clog up his account.

P.S. Who are you?

P.P.S. Her name IS Trinity, anf flying orange peppers will never kill her.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?**

So I'm an ugly leprechaun, huh? And who may YOU be? For your information, I did NOT pass your message on to Marty. So there. Wait till I find out who you are... Marty's gonna pay for this...

- Jennifer

~-~-~

**From - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: The Matrix**

Hello Neo. Remember me? I suppose you do.

Why didn't you follow the green squirrel? Yes, I know you didn't, Neo. I know everything. I'm in control. Oh yes. Everything you do I can see. Everything you do, you do because I make you.

Have you found out who Keanu Reeves is yet? Or do you need some... help?

MUAHAHAHAHA!

- Anakin McFly

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review!

Wow. The last chapter got a LOT of reviews. Thank you everybody! =D

Faolcrop and Buttercup McFly: Thanks for sending in an email!

Stoko: No... you can't tell her the truth, she can't handle the truth! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

Gina: You and Flaming Trails never give up, huh? This is getting reeeally interesting...

Ectodude: ... You can't close the tears! No! Where's the fun in that?

Back2thechaos: Okay, I e-mailed you... Thanks for your review!

Lady of the Dark 2: Thanks for reviewing!

SableTrumpetess: Uh... I don't know your band director. Therefore, DUH, I'm referring to the 'almost always silent non band director Mr. Bean'.

Captain of the U.S.S Sovereign: Star Trek? Maybe... Your mail was... weird.

Pip and The News: I sent you an email. REPLY! Thanks for your review cum letter!

jd burns: Thanks for your three reviews... yeah, I'm thinking of writing more. I don't know when this will end...

Autumn Took: No, Neo didn't follow the green squirrel.

MiriahoftheWind: Actually my tapes are taken from the TV and have been around since 1992... What Mighty Duck series? And you haven't watched BTTF3?

Flaming Trails: You can continue sending lots of e-mails. They're inspirational. :P

Scap: Thanks for your two mails! The second one didn't make sense, though...


	9. Attack of the Matrix

Disclaimer: Everybody knows the drill: I don't own BTTF and never will.

This is the most entertaining fic I've ever written. ^_^ And it's official... this has become a Matrix crossover, and it looks like Star Wars is going to join too... Don't ask me how it happened. I have NO idea. *looks innocent* Really.

This shall be my last updated fic before the exams. I was actually planning to keep this for after, but I couldn't resist it...

All remote swear words shall be censored. I'm trying to keep the rating G, so... yeah.

P.S. - The 'sincere *cough* apologies' list now extends to Mark Hamill as well. And there are more to come...

Many thanks once again to all my reviewers! You're what keeps this fic going... ^_^

**They've Got Mail: Chapter Nine**

~-~-~

**From - jules_shall_prevail(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

I suppose you found that funny, huh? If it turns out that you had some part of it, you'll be dead, just like Algernon. You can take the coconut if you want. I have no need for it.

- Jules

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Haha, you did your mom =P Jennifer, you don't need that little munchkin, come, fly with me, lets fly, lets fly away... Sorry, good day to you all.

- Stoko

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi, whoever you are.

Someone informed me that you masqueraded as my father once. I don't know who you are, and I don't know if you're available through the Holonet but if you receive this I guess you are. Anyway, I would kinda appreciate it if you don't pretend to be my father again. Firstly, he's dead, and secondly, he has asthma. You should have pity on asthmatic guys, they can't breathe as well as normal people and it's not good to make fun of them.

- Luke

~-~-~

**From - the_invisible_leprechaun_mushroom_from_the_matrix(at)reallycoolpurplehats(.)net**

**To - everybody(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

My name is Clarence, I am an invisible leprechaun mushroom from the Matrix. I am here to tell you about a certain movie known as Back to the Future. You are all being watched. It is all a conspiracy. I know everyting about you...You have no secrets...

~-~-~

**From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Verne,

So you're brother's account has been deleted, eh? Tell me. Is it gone...for good?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

- Faolcrop, Marty's second cousin and the black sheep of his family

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com, jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com, the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: I'm back**

Fine, I'm back here. Yes, I know it's not a week yet, but I'm back so stop sending stuff to Jennifer through my account. I have a feeling Jen hasn't been telling me everything about what I've been receiving in my mail... she's been acting kinda strange recently, something about this person named Pip... Anyway, if any of you receive anything weird, delete it. It's evil, I tell you. They're all coming. The people from the Matrix. I don't know what they want with us, but just stay away.

To Stoko: Fly? Fly where?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Yeah, his account is gone for good, but he just got another one. It won't work. And I think he suspects me for deleting his account.

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - the_invisible_leprechaun_mushroom_from_the_matrix(at)reallycoolpurplehats(.)net**

**Subject: Re: nil**

CAN'T YOU MATRIX PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE? There is NO such movie as Back to the Future, OKAY?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

Look here, whoever you are. I don't know who Keanu Reeves is, and I don't intend to find out. There is NO such thing as a green squirrel. The squirrel Trinity found was just one who had fallen into a bucket of green paint some people left lying around the place. (It drowned yesterday after attempts to turn it back to its normal colour - we dunked it into a pail of brown paint). So just leave me alone, thank you very much.

- Neo

~-~-~

**To - founderofclayytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**From - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Mrs. Brown

I hate to break this to you, but my girlfriend, one of the Powerpuff Girls, is lusting over your Emmett. Need proof? Here it is. The EXACT e-mail.

"Scr*w my boyfriend! You're sexier. - Buttercup"

See? Now, I want you to do me a favor. Send her The Coconut Virus. The same one that your elder son got. Believe me. SHE. WILL. PAY!

- Faolcrop, Marty's second cousin and the black sheep of his family

P.S.: I'll give you a printable copy of $1,000 if you do it.

~-~-~

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**From - faolcrops_babe(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Scr*w my boyfriend! You're sexier.

- Buttercup

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Han.

I was just wondering... have you seen my lightsabre by any chance? I think one of your kids might have taken it. Anyway, I was surfing the Holonet for Jedi stuff that day and I found this site: (.)com. I think it's new, because I haven't seen it before... it's kind of weird. You'll know what I mean when you go there.

- Luke

P.S.: Have you heard of this person named Mark Hamill?

~-~-~

**From - DocNov121955(at)aol(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Who are you?**

That's the point Emmett baby! We want to make her angry! I mean she's not supposed to exist in the first place! Man, this is all Marty's fault for buying that stupid almanac when he should have listened to you Emmett! You hear me Martin Seamus McFly?! This is all your fault! Clara and fangflux...stay out of my way...Emmett Lathrop Brown will be mine!

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - faolcrops_babe(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

WHAT'S WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE?

- Clara

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - admin(at)seethrough(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Bikini sale!**

Dear Subscriber,

We will be having a bikini sale next month! (It may be winter, but hey, it's cool to be cold!)

Have you just gone on a diet and are you dying to show off your new body? Well, wait no longer and pop down to one of our stalls for the sale!

We have bikinis of all shapes and sizes! Even itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dot ones!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

- Administration, See Through Pte. Ltd.

Note: If you wish to unsubscribe to our newsletter, just send an e-mail to the following address - unsubscribe(at)seethrough(.)com

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: Re: nil**

'Luke Skywalker'? Haha, very funny. All right, who's this? Doc or Jen? You're the only two who know about the Darth Vader thing. Well, my dad too, but he doesn't count.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I'm back**

Marty,

Good to see you're checking your mail again. By the way, have you been to the bttf(.)com message board? There are some... interesting things there. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this for the sake of the space-time continuum, but I doubt it would have much effect on it. Anyway, it's a really fascinating place. You should go and see for yourself.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Your lightsabre? O...kay, I guess that explains the strange number of chopped up furniture around the house lately. Don't worry, I'll get it back.

What's with this starwars(.)com thing anyway? Some kind of joke or what? If it is, someone sure spent a lot of time on it. The number of bored people in this galaxy is simply amazing.

I've got to go now. Jaina just threatened to slice Anakin up into tiny bits. I think I've found your lightsabre...

- Han

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - unsubscribe(at)seethrough(.)com**

**Subject: UNSUBSCRIBE!**

HELLO? Since when did I subscribe to _this_? It was supposed to be a world domination magazine! I demand a refund!

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: I'm back**

You mean you still go to that site? I tell you, it's not right. There's something very wrong about that place, and sorry, but NO, I'm not going there ever again.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - wyldstallynsrule(at)ziontouristcommission(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi you two. I just want to ask you guys a favour... if you're free, can you help check out the identity of Keanu Reeves? Thanks.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)jediacademy(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Huh? Um, I AM Luke Skywalker. What's so funny about that? What 'Darth Vader' thing? Did I miss something? If it's about my previous mail, someone called Anakin McFly just told me about you pretending to be my father and gave me your address.

- Luke

~-~-~

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Possible dates.**

Hello Agent Smith,

I was wondering if you were free this Saturday?

If not, why don't you do that nice little cloning thing? That way you can go out with me *and* do what ever the heck else you might be doing! ^_^

But if you arn't busy you can just clone your self anyway ^_-

How does a film sound to you? We can go Dutch if you want.

Refuse to go out with me and I shall send my evil Bill and Ted clones to annoy the h*ll out of you.

Lots of love,  
Scap

~-~-~

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: I am what I am**

Got a problem with that?!?

~-~-~

**From - wyldstallynsrule(at)ziontouristcommission(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hi Neo dude!

Ted here! Bill's in the toilet. I think he ate too much last night. Yeah, I know who Keanu Reeves is. He's a most excellent actor dude, and he looks kinda like me but smarter. So why'd you want to know?

Anyway, I gotta go now. Bill's making strange noises. I think he's out of toilet paper.

PARTY ON, DUDE!

- Ted

~-~-~

**From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Own up.**

Own up. Now. Somebody from the Matrix sent me a letter asking for a date. Whoever gave her my e-mail address is going to be in _big_ trouble, so you better own up quick. You have been warned...

- Smith

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Jennifer,

You're too tall. Marty deserves better than you! He's too sexy and too precious for your hideous face! You are an evil person with ugly feet! You must've fallen down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. You repulse me. Your very presence makes me want to grab an armadillo and gag myself with it while simultaneously taking subnarconian nitrate in a last attempt to save myself from the toxic fumes you omit. I wish Johnny Bartlett would come and squeeze your putrid, evil heart until you are dead as a doornail. Homocidal ghosts must come to you! Your death will bring joy and happiness to the entire world. The horseman comes, and tonight he comes for you!

Watch your head,

~ Piper *Strangles*

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I am what I am**

No, no problem with that at all.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Flaming Trails**

Dear Sir,

It has come to our attention that you have been subject to harrassment from Flaming Trails. The same misfortune has befallen us, and we offer our support and services. The group includes-

1. Myself  
2. My alternate self (deathtobiff(at)hotmail(.)com)  
3. Wakko Warner (watertower(at)warnerbros(.)com)  
4. Austin T-10 (liquidmetal(at)skynet(.)com)

Please reply. Trust us, we understand.

Dr. Emmett L. Brown

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: WHO IS THIS PIPER?**

Marty,

Exactly who is this person who has been sending you love letters under the name of 'Piper'? Because she has been sending me hate mail. For your own sake, you better not be seeing someone else. Remember, we are supposed to be MARRIED in the future.

- Jen

~-~-~

**From - admin(at)antivirusguys(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Anti-Virus Software**

Miss Clayton,

Here is the Anti-Virus Software you ordered. We hope it will help prevent any future virus attacks on your computer. I understand there have been many of such virus attacks, especially on your elder son.

- Administration Guy, AVS

Attachment: antivirus2000

~-~-~

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

REBOUND! NORTON ANTI-VIRUS AND BOOK OF E-VILLE!

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

So I fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, huh? Well, too bad but apparently you were standing under it. I hope you got hit. Hard. Go ahead, grab an armadillo and gag yourself with it as you simultaneously take subnarconian nitrate, whatever that is, and kill yourself. I won't miss you.

STAY AWAY FROM MARTY, CAN'T YOU? HE'S _MINE_!

- Jen

~-~-~

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hey, if "there is no spoon", you can be a piece of wood. Good for whacking agents. :)

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Flaming Trails**

To my apparent counterpart from another dimension:

Yes, I have been subject to harrassment from Flaming Trails and she's not the only one. There's someone named Gina after me too... I would appreciate your supports and services, if you can render them. Thanks.

~-~-~

**From - my_sunglasses_are_cooler(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Own up.**

Mr. Smith,

_He_ did it! *points at Agent Edud*

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... You know what to do. REVIEW! ^_^

Faolcrop: Okay... that was uh, weird.

Linkavitch Chomofsky: Because if Marty and Bill & Ted get along, WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT? ^_^

docnov121955: *grins* This won't end, will it?

MiriahoftheWind: Thanks for your review! And I still haven't heard of the Mighty Ducks trilogy... oh well.

Scap: What's with all your Matrix-related mails? This is a BTTF fic! =D Thanks for reviewing!

Flaming Trails: Um, your letters got a bit mixed up... actually everyone's did, it's called review overload... sorry if some ended up not being replied to. I'll do that in the next chapter.

Nixiy Snape: Yup, I added in the Matrix... and Star Wars too.

Demon Doc: Sorry, but I don't accept mails written by the BTTF characters... if you want you can write your own. Thanks for reviewing!

Stoko: I used it. Hah. And I don't understand it. =P

Fran: Yup, only 13... I joined ff(.)net when I was 12 and had laughing fits whenever someone thought I was 17 or 18... Thanks for your review!

I think I Have Problems With Signing In, Love Pip: Your letter was so funny! ^_^ What d'you mean, 'Grease is the word'? 0.0

Stormhawk: Read more, and review!


	10. Interdimensional Havoc

Disclaimer: I don't own Back to the Future, The Matrix, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Star Wars, Star Trek or Lord of the Rings. And more to come... MUAHAHAHAHA!

Before I start, here's just some rules to follow when sending in stuff...  
1) Keep it PG, nothing above unless there's good reason to do so. I'm currently censoring all the swear words there are and so far it's okay but just try to keep it down, Faolcrop especially. ^_^  
2) Maximum number of e-mails per person per chapter is 3. Actually it was going to be 2 but that would probably be hard to keep to, so I'm being kind. Anyway, the reason for this is because the whole thing can get REALLY messy with too many reviewer contributions, and the replies get confused very often like in the last chapter (though it wasn't very noticeable; basically replies to Flaming Trails' entries had to be pushed to this chapter because of some mix-up). Also, the more there are, the longer each chapter gets and the longer it takes for the next update. And I also want to continue on with my storyline, and too many contributions make this kind of like a question and answer thing. So... yeah. Sorry for any inconvenience caused. ^_^  
3) If you get sent a virus, you have to change your address.

The kind of things you can send in will be classified into these categories and treated as such:  
1) From you or a created character to a BTTF character - Will be added in almost certainly, and you are expected to reply yourself... I won't do it for you. That's the fun in it, anyway. ^_^  
2) From you or a created character to a non-BTTF character in a universe already established in this fic, i.e. The Matrix - Same as above.  
3) From you or a created character to a non-BTTF character in a universe not yet established in this fic - This will be on a case-by-case basis, such as whether I've watched/read the thing in the first place. If I have, I'll probably add it in, same rules apply as the above two.  
4) From a BTTF character - Sorry, those aren't allowed, but I might take the main idea from there.  
5) From a character of a universe already established in this fic - will be considered on a case-by-case basis.  
6)From a character of a universe not yet established in this fic - If I've watched/read the thing, I will probably add it in, but in this case I too will have control over what that character sends in future, and rule 5 would then come into play.

All this is in effect from this chapter onwards.

This chapter was freakin' long so I'm splitting it into two. The other half would be with the next chapter. If that isn't too long too.

By the way, with regards to my storyline for this fic, yes, I have one. I'm thinking the whole thing will probably come to about 20 chapters, give or take a few; and from this fic I'm going to try build up the rest of my BTTF universe. I was totally inspired after reading this whole lot of Kristen Sheley and Mary Jean Holmes fics.

Oh, and thanks to back2thechaos for Gollum's e-mail address!

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL: Chapter 10**

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I'm back**

Hahaha, never mind Marty, oh and by the way, those Matrix people? And Luke Skywalker? And bttf(.)com? They're as confused as you are.

~-~-~

**From - i_have_the_coolestest_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Own up.**

Don't believe what anyone says! I didn't do it! I swear!

- Agent Edud

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Ha ha, too late, I've got virus protection so there.

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - InLoveWithDoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Marty,

This is Gina... I want you to know that Doc marrying Clara is all your fault! You could never listen to Doc's advice! You weren't supposed to look at anything or touch anything in the future! You had to go and buy that stupid almanac! Eastwood Ravine should still be called Clayton Ravine Martin Seamus McFly... but... you are going to make it up to me you know why? 'Cause you are going to help me get your friend and I won't take no for an answer.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**To - i_want_sunglasses(at)rivendell(.)com**

**Subject: Preciousssss**

Elrond, has you taken our preciousss? We can't finds it!

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com, vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com, deathtobiff(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Praise**

You guys rock ^_^ You know what'd be funny? You three in a poker game, hehehehehe.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Huh?

~-~-~

**From - jacen_solo(at)**

**To - jaina_solo(at)**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Jaina!

I know it's really stupid for me to be e-mailing you this when we can just talk, but I'm bored and I was on the Holonet anyway.

This weird thing happened to me in the jungle. I was just walking around when this huge rancor appeared. I tried using the Jedi calming technique thing that Uncle Luke taught us on it, when suddenly it just vanished. Dunno where it went to, but if you see a rancor appear out of nowhere, you'll know where it came from. Just thought I'd let you know.

See you later!

- Jacen

~-~-~

**From - i_want_sunglasses(at)rivendell(.)com**

**To - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Re: Preciousssss**

Precious? What precious?

- Elrond

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Fine, so it was all my fault. Big deal. And I kinda like having a ravine named after me. And as for helping you get Doc... one word. No.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: I'm back**

How'd you know about bttf(.)com and all that?

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - stoko981(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Praise**

And what would be so funny about that?

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

So, Emmett my love... did you leave her yet? She doesn't deserve you... come on she didn't even believe you about the time machine! I believe you 100%! She prevented you from going back to the future with Marty... we belong together Emmett. Nobody knows you like I do... think about it... I support you... Clara didnt even support you from the beginning. I love you Emmett.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**To - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Aragorn, have you seen my shampoo around by any chance? I think someone may have taken it, because I can't seem to find it anywhere.

- Legolas

~-~-~

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Want a piece of me, huh? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?**

Yes, you fell down the ugly tree. It's a very tall tree, might I add. And I was only standing under it because I was showing the tractor the right tree to cut down so we could plant a new tree! The short, beautiful, and Marty is mine tree! Which you can't stand under, because the ugly tree killed you. And you're too tall. And, the armadillo? Well... I can't find one! But I would gag myself with it if I could! Subnarconian Nitrate is a... chemical! Yeah! You know, you have some real issues! Why, you can't even capitalize your name in your Email! HA! Oh, I'll get my Marty, you'll see... he'll be mine...

~ Piper *I hope you die*

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

No, I haven't left Clara yet and I'm never going too. Even if she didn't believe me in the beginning, she does now and that's all that matters. I'm not leaving her for some girl from the future whom I don't even know. Futhermore, from what I know you come from a different dimension and there is therefore no way for us to ever get together. Don't even think of it.

- Doc

~-~-~

**To - buttercups_hunk(at)aol(.)com**

**From - leader_girl(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

YOU SON OF A B****! I saw that e-mail! SNITCH! SNITCH! I want you to go to h*ll! GO TO H*LL AND DIE!

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**To - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: The Precious**

Elrond doesn't knows about the Precious. Elrond is our friend! He will not takes the Precious, no! No!

- Smeagol

~-~-~

**To - FutureBoy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Jennifer... *gags***

Marty, I really think you should listen to my opinion on this Jennifer girl you're seeing. You think she's all nice and pretty, well... she's not! She can't even capitalize her name in her Email address! Look at mine... perfectly capitalized. ^^ Well, Marty, my honest to god opinion is that you are just much too good for her. I mean, a sexy guy like you with an ugly thing like that! THAT TOAD! Just hit her over the head with your guitar... I'll help you dispose of the body. Come to me, Marty, My Precious. I'LL show you nice and pretty...

~ Piper *KISSES*

~-~-~

**From - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**To - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Shampoo? What's shampoo? The poo of a sham? What's a sham?

- Aragorn

~-~-~

**From - the_coolest_sunglasses_ever_so_there(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hey, I didn't take them! I bet it was that Neo guy or something. Yeah! I bet it was HIM! Why don't you ask?

- Agent Sunshine

~-~-~

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**To - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Re: The Precious**

Then someone else must have taken the Precious from us!

- Gollum

~-~-~

**To - founder_of_clayton ravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Good job**

Mrs. Brown-

This is that Buttercup's Hunk person who promised to pay you a thousand dollars if you sent my cheating girlfriend a virus. Well, congratulations. Here is the payment, as I promised.

Attachment:

- Faolcrop, Marty's second cousin and the black sheep of his family

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Jennifer... *gags***

Um... is there something going on here that I don't know about? There's nothing wrong with Jennifer. What's this capitalization thing got to do with her anyway? And there is NO WAY that I'm going to hit her over the head with my guitar. DON'T YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? An innocent guitar like that... sheesh. What did it ever do to you to deserve something like that? Some people...

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - what_do_you_mean_my_sunglasses_arent_cool(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Own up**

No, I didn't do it. Really! Believe me, please!

- Agent Diputs

~-~-~

**From - leonard_mccoy(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**To - montgomery_scott(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Uh, Scotty, can you beam us up now? The coordinates are I12PO-Yes. Sorry for using the e-mail system, but our communicators appear to have vanished into thin air and all I had was this computer...

Anyway, our exploration of the planet Modnar had been going fine, when this huge creature with large teeth appeared and bit off the tips of Spock's ears. This had the effect of making him look vaguely human, but for some reason Kirk seems to think that we should get medical help as soon as possible. And I thought _I_ was the doctor... We had been going to shoot the thing when this bottle of shampoo fell on its head and knocked it out. I don't know where it came from, and I don't think I intend to find out. Just get us out of here.

~-~-~

**To - leader_girl(at)ppg(.)com**

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: WHAT THE?**

Blossom-

It's Faolcrop. I got an e-mail from your address. WHAT THE H*LL WAS THAT, SENDING ME MY OWN CREATION! There'd better be a d*mn good explanation, miss!

- Faolcrop

~-~-~

**From - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**To - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Never mind. I guess that means you haven't seen my soap either.

- Legolas

~-~-~

**From - Jen_Parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fuzzy_j_pip_fox_mcfly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Want a piece of me, huh? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?**

LOOK! I CAPITALISED MY ADDRESS TOO! HA! And yours ISN'T! So there. And I'm still alive too, see? I'm invincible! That's why Marty will be MINE! MUAHAHAHAHA!

- Jennifer. *Pbbtttth!*

~-~-~

**To - bifftannenrules(at)ihatemanure(.)com**

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: For sale**

You wanna piss off that Calvin Klein guy? I have something you might like.

- Scap

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Good job**

Thanks. Anything else I can do for you?

- Clara

~-~-~

**To - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**From - leader_girl(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hey! Sorry about your account. It's Buttercup. She's gone out of her mind after joining some club. I think it's the "I LOVE DOC BROWN CLUB". Well, got to go. Mojo's running rampant, again.

- Blossom

(P.S. Do you know who the heck Cathy Cavadini is?)

~-~-~

**From - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**To - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Soap? What's soap?

- Aragorn

~-~-~

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**From - leader_girl(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: Autograph please**

Dr. Brown,

I'm Blossom, the leader of the Powerpuff Girls. I just have to say, you are one of my heroes. Believe me, no matter what anyone says, time travel is possible. May I please have an autograph?

Thanks!

- Blossom

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: For sale**

Yeah? Like what?

~-~-~

**From - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Flaming Trails**

There's another girl, huh? I'll look into it as soon as I can. We've tried to sabatoge FT's e-mail account, but had no luck. I'd like your help in trying to write a new virus for use against her. Oh, and deathtobiff and I have a wager -- what's your wife's name? He says it's going to be different from one of ours, I say we can't marry 3 different women.

- Dr. Emmett L. Brown (The Second)

~-~-~

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I am what I am**

Coolies, sorry for the bad start. I like ya really ^_^ (and Trinity, maybe, kinda, whatever)

Thanks for Agent Smith's addy, but I don't think I am gonna get anything back from him (I think I heard he throught it was a prank or something, I am v. sad :( but thanks anyways.) Neways, give my love to all your peeps#

Laters!

- Scap

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - leader_girl(at)ppg(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Autograph please**

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - julesvernefan(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Flaming Trails**

Yes, there's another girl... well, actually, there's more than that. My wife's name is Clara.

P.S.: Do you know about the Coconut Virus? You can use that if you want.

~-~-~

**From - back2thechaos(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - wildeyedscientist(at)bttf(.)com**

**Subject: Cool site**

Doc, ya I've been to that site and read the message board. It's really interesting. And how did I know about you saying this? I know all about you. I broke into your email acount and destroyed your files. I even changed your email adress, bwahahahhahahaha! Run, Doc.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: I am what I am**

All my peeps? Okay... Yeah, I think Agent Smith thought it was a prank. So that explains all the weird stuff circulating around the agents these days...

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - montgomery_scott(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**To - leonard_mccoy(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Are you sure those were the right coordinates? Because there's this huge animal with large teeth lying smack in the middle of the transporter room now.

- Scotty

~-~-~

**From - Ilikepeanutbutter(at)penguins(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Hi.**

Marty, you must remember me, I was your friend before Clarence came to you. Clarence is a phony!!

~-~-~

**To - wildeyedscientist(at)bttf(.)com**

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: nil**

You has taken it, you has... We has seen you, hasn't we, Precious? You has taken it along with the plutonium? We wants it back, we does.

We give you fish?

-Gollum

~-~-~

**From - wildeyedscientist(at)bttf(.)com**

**To - back2thechaos(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Cool site**

You're lucky I'm not in the mood to now, or you'll be dead. Just tell me one thing... how did you manage to get past my e-mail security systems?

~-~-~

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: For sale.**

I heard you were into bikinis, I have several that I am getting rid off soon and, seeing as I need the dosh to run my high tech evil, um, thingys I will sell them to you! Aren't I nice?

They are all very nice and of different types and colours.

I am not suprised that you like womens' clothes, I always kinda knew you would be into soemthing like that.

Laters,

Scap, the most evilest nice person in the world (all of them)!

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Ilikepeanutbutter(at)penguins(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Hi**

Um... no, I don't remember you. Who are you? Clarence isn't a phony. Clarence is invisible.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, jules_shall_prevail(at)hotmail(.)com, jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com, founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Change of address**

Just to let you all know that I've changed my address.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - leonard_mccoy(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**To - montgomery_scott(at)ussenterprise(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Hi Scotty. Kirk here; Bones just got knocked out by this huge bar of soap that fell on his head and I can't remember the password for my own e-mail account. Anyway, here are the REAL coordinates... the previous got a little mixed up: IMNS-RU. Get us out now.

Thanks.

- Kirk

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: For sale**

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT _BIKINIS_???? I was NEVER into womens' clothes and I never will be, b*tthead.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your groin.

- Biff

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: nil**

What's this all about? What's the 'it' and when did I ever become your 'Precious'? If you're another one of those crazy girls from the future, sorry but I'm not going to leave Clara. No, and I don't want any fish.

~-~-~

**From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

FORGET IT!

- Smith

P.S.: And my sunglasses are still the coolestestest of all. So there.

~-~-~

**From - deathtobiff(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: Your blood is mine**

Read the subject line, you b*stard. If I ever find you, I will drain you dry. And your stupid buddies.

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis**

Mr. Shannon,

The dimensional rip seems to be getting worse from what I can tell. Things are being sent from one dimension to the other with no reason. I would appreciate any help you can offer. Thanks.

- Dr. Emmett L. Brown

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED...

COMING UP SOON: Enter The Frighteners... (MJF movie) Be afraid, Marty. Be VERY afraid. MUAHAHAHAHA! *is feeling evil*

Stoko: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

Nixiy: Yup, and catfight over Doc too. And Agent Smith. This is crazy...

docnov121955: He said no. *evil grin*

d_silberman(at)crimipshychology(.)net: What Sleepy Hollow reference? I haven't even watched/read the thing, so how could I reference it... hmm... Um, and what liquidmetal(at)skynet(.)com address? There wasn't one, are you sure you reviewed the right story?

Faolcrop: That... was... a LOT of mails. 0.0 And this fic has suddenly become a PPG crossover too even though I don't watch the thing... (my brother does, but that's another story) Oh, and try to cut down on the swearing, thanks. ^_^

B2tC and Co.: HOW COULD YOU CHANGE DOC'S E-MAIL ADDRESS? *strangles* Now I have to change it... Thanks for Gollum's address though! It was really funny... =D

Scap: Glad to know that I'm not the only one who plays on the school computers... Yup, Agent Smith isn't going to reply to you. You could try Elrond though. So where're the Bill and Ted clones you mentioned?

BTTFdude: Yup, I think you're missing a LOT of things.

Spaci Ireth: You thought _that_ was confusing? How about _now_? =D

Irish Bug: Actually I _have_ seen Grease, just a long time ago... in a galaxy far, far... never mind. ^_^ Hyper is good. But what's the drum major got to do with it?

Flaming Trails: Your review came in just before I was going to post this chap... so I had to fit it in as a last minute thing. Sorry if they weren't replied to properly, I'll try to do so in the next chap. Thanks for reviewing!


	11. The MJF Link

Disclaimer: I claim disownership of the following - Back to the Future, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, The Matrix, Star Wars (inclusive of YJK), Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, The Frighteners, Harry Potter, The Powerpuff Girls (Faolcrop... *grrrr*) and anything else I forgot to mention.

After this chapter, I'm sorry but there will be no more new universes introduced. It's just getting too messy for me to handle. *is stressed. After the exams, too. If only the teachers knew...*

**They've Got Mail: Chapter 11**

~-~-~

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

You knows exactly what we is talking about, precious. You has taken our heartses, you has. And we has decided to lets you keep it, precious. Hasn't we, precious? You don't really wants Clara, does you?

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Hi Han.

Thanks for returning my lightsabre. You could have polished it first, though. There're fingerprints all over the case; I think they're your kids'.

I went back to that starwars(.)com site yesterday. It's really weird; all over it I could sense some kind of emptiness of the Force, like it didn't exist there. I can't explain but it's was sort of like a huge void in the Force at that site. Do you know that there's even a message board there? How could they know all that about us? I suspect it might be the work of some Dark Force wielder... perhaps another rising Emperor? The Empire might be planning something. Go warn Leia to be careful of this person named George Lucas. I think he's in charge or something, because his name appears all over the site.

- Luke

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - deathtobiff(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Your blood is mine**

Oh yeah? And how are you going to do that?

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

So you _do_ want Clara? Can you be more specific as to what you're talking about, because I don't understand a word of your e-mail. All I can gather from it is the terrible standard of your English.

~-~-~

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Biff, and how much he sucks.**

Hi! Biff said some really really nasty things to poor little me after I tried to be nice (really, such things shouldn't be said to a young lady!) so ya know, I you ever want me to send one of my Evil creations to him, just give me the word and I'll send you the list (free of charge! Aren't I nice?) Ok?

Remember, I offer same day delivery too!

Laters  
Scap

~-~-~

**From - frank_bannister(at)fbpi(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis... need help?**

Hi Dr. Brown. You probably don't know me, but I accidentally received this e-mail from you about some dimensional crisis going on. Actually the mail was addressed to DShannon but for some reason I got it too. Anyway, this dimensional thing might have some supernatural connotations and I deal in that sort of thing. Need any help?

- Frank Bannister  
Psychic Investigations

~-~-~

**From - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**To - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Aragorn, please don't tell me that you have no idea what soap or shampoo is. Even _you_ should have some idea.

- Legolas

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: The Matrix**

Wake up, Luke.

The Matrix has you.

Follow the Ewok with pink polka dots.

Knock knock, Luke.

My name is Neo.

And I know all about you, Luke.

Of how you mourn your father's death.

Of how you mourn Ben's death.

Of how you mourn Yoda's death.

Of how you wonder why everyone you know is dying so suddenly, and if it will happen to you.

I can answer all your questions, Luke.

"What exactly is starwars(.)com?"

"Why can't I have a pink lightsabre?"

"Is my father's asthma hereditary?

"Who is Mark Hamill?"

I have the answers, Luke.

Now all you have to do... is follow the Ewok with pink polka dots.

- Neo Anderson

~-~-~

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Good job**

Yes. I want you to find any information on this club. It's called the "I LOVE DOC BROWN CLUB" My ex-girlfriend has joined it. See if you can find any other info about it, then e-mail it to me.

Can you do it?

- Faolcrop

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Biff, and how much he sucks.**

'Evil creations'? Okay, you can send over the list.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

I was just wondering, that's all. And can you quit calling me 'dude'? It gets a little irritating after a while.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Well...**

How do I know? Well... it's a secret. I know that sounds mean, and, well, it is, but just try and go with the flow and... oh, yeah I almost forgot, there's this great TV show you should check out, I'm not sure when it'd be on in your area, but it's called Spin City. It's a comedy about the Deputy Mayor of New York (played by Michael J. Fox). Hope you enjoy it ^_^

~-~-~

**From - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**To - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: The Precious**

Elrond doesn't knows about the Precious. Elrond is our friend! He will not takes the Precious, no! No!

- Smeagol

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Marty, I got this just now:

Hi Dr. Brown. You probably don't know me, but I accidentally received this e-mail from you about some dimensional crisis going on. Actually the mail was addressed to DShannon but for some reason I got it too. Anyway, this dimensional thing might have some supernatural connotations and I deal in that sort of thing. Need any help?

- Frank Bannister  
Psychic Investigations  
New Zealand

Go take care of him. He sounds like some kind of psycho. I've got too much to do at the moment with regards to repairing the dimensional rips.

- Doc

~-~-~

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**To - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Re: The Precious**

Elrond our friend, precious? You is stupid! Elrond is not our friend! Elrond wants the precious, he does! And the fish! Precious, you can'ts decides who is our friend! Only I cans! Only I cans!

- Gollum

~-~-~

**From - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

You mean you're _still_ going to that site? I bet it's just some big joke or something; any kid can design a website. I doubt there's anything of much importance there.

- Han

~-~-~

**From - aragorn_the_king(at)boredroyaldudes(.)com**

**To - supergreatarcher(at)rivendell(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

No, I don't know what soap or shampoo is. Should I? I thought they were just some words you made up.

- Aragorn

~-~-~

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**To - octis_pal(at)puppet_pals(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hey Bubbles! Faolcrop here! Just checking up on you. Just wondering something. Did you happen to get something from a Tara Strong? Or a Neo Anderson telling you about a Tara Strong? Blossom got something like that, but with Cathy Cavadini. Please respond.

- Faolcrop

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Hey, I love musical instruments!**

For your information, Mr. Sexy, I love musical instruments! And I own a guitar! A yellow one! And... lots of other... instruments. And there is too something wrong with Jennifer. She's awful! You won't believe the things she says to me for no reason. *cries* I just want a friend... But you would hit her over the head with something else!? Like a chair!? Would ya, would ya? Please? ;_; I... *sniff* need... *sniff sniff* you!

~Piper *sniff*

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Verne.

I was just wondering... do you know anything about this TV show called Spin City?

Email me back if you do. Thanks.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - frank_bannister(at)fbpi(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis**

Hi Frank, Dr. Brown told me to deal with you because he's kinda busy at the moment... so, what kind of help can you give? Doc forwarded your e-mail to me but it wasn't detailed enough. Do you even know what's going on in the first place?

- Marty McFly

~-~-~

**To - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**From - octis_pal(at)puppetpals(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

No. But I got something from Buttercup. An anti-Faolcrop thingy. I can't read it. Too many F-words. Here's her new address: faolcrop_sucks(at)ppg(.)com.

- Bubbles, the cutest

~-~-~

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Look Emmett... I have been with you through this whole thing since the beginning... I understand more about this time traveling stuff than SHE does... oh yeah and I know that you invented the flux capacitor on Nov 5th 1955 after you hit your head on the sink and the picture of the fc came to your head... I know about the Libyans and the trip to 2015 and the almanac and Biff... I stood by you Emmett baby through thick and thin... don't push me away...and don't ask me how I know...love you.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: The Matrix**

What is The Matrix?

And the fact that you know so much about me isn't really such a big deal... lots of people do. As for mentioning Mark Hamill, that just shows that you probably have something to do with that starwars(.)com thing. The New Republic is going to hear about this, so you better stop whatever you're doing.

I've never seen an Ewok with pink polka dots in my life, and I don't think I ever will.

~-~-~

**From - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Good job**

I looked but I can't seem to find any information on the club. Sorry.

- Clara

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Hey, I love musical instruments!**

Yeah, I love musical instruments too.

Why on earth should I hit Jennifer with anything? If she's being mean to you, there must be some reason to it. From what I hear, you've been sending her hate mail.

- Marty

~-~-~

The following is an e-mail that has been circulating around the Internet for a while... I thought it was funny. All copyrights belong to the person who came up with it.

~-~-~

**From - thejunkmaildude(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - pepsi_vs_coke(at)hotmail(.)com, ladilaboo(at)yahoo(.)com, deathtothefrickinclocktower(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, lame_jokes_shall_rule_the_world(at)yahoo(.)com, muahahaha_smellysocks(at)yahoo(.)com, ihaveadeadhamster(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Fwd: Fwd: What my mother taught me!!**

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC."Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught! me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

~-~-~

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

You will help me Marty or I will tell your mother that she kissed her own son on Nov 12 1955 the day of the famous Hill Valley lightning storm and the day you went back to 1985... don't ask me how I know these things Marty... but you will help me or I will go to Lorraine.

- Gina

~-~-~

**From - frank_bannister(at)fbpi(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Dimensional Crisis**

So you two are Doc Brown and Marty McFly? Back to the Future fans, huh? ;) Nice e-mail addresses. Uh... actually, I don't really know what's going on. Tell me all you know; I might be of some help.

- Frank

P.S. Can you reply to my other email address (i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com)? This one's getting a little full at the moment. Thanks.

~-~-~

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**To - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com, inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Look! I hate to be pessimistic, but Doc's staying with Clara. Don't bother trying, but you could make your own Doc clones. Just a suggestion.

- Faolcrop

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Look, I thought I was clear enough about this. I am NOT leaving Clara for you, no matter what happens. She'll learn everything in a while. Just give her time. As for you knowing so much about me... it's no surprise really. I know where you come from, after all.

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Mom.

This person is threatening to send you weird stuff because of something I did, so if you receive any strange sounding e-mails ignore them and their contents and just delete it. Thanks.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Doc,

You know that Frank person you told me to take care of? He's one of THEM. He asked me if I'm a Back to the Future fan... what am I supposed to do now? He's freaking me out, Doc. Big time. And that was just one email.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hi Marty.

Spin City? Yeah, I've watched some of it... I think its some future TV show. There's a guy in there who looks kinda like you too. Why?

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Poker**

Well, I've just always found a good poker face funny, you know, when the opponent really has no idea if you're bluffing? And I always thought you'd have an excellent poker face, and if you make that 3 poker faces, all identical, and make two of them vampires who can read minds and influence them (although that last one might not be too comical), it could be a good recipe for a nice comedy.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: Re: Re: The Matrix**

No one can tell you what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. You know the truth, Luke. You've seen the site; don't try to deny what you know is true. It's all a movie, Luke. The truth is waiting for you out there. All you've got to do is follow the Ewok with pink polka dots. It'll appear soon, believe me.

- Neo

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Nope, sorry, won't help you.

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Never mind.

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Franks's not one of 'Them'; he's from yet another dimension. I've got this system rigged up that can tell. Interesting... it seems the movie exists in other dimensions as well. This could become educational. Just don't scare him away as yet; he might prove useful. If you want to, you can keep your identity a secret, though I doubt he'd believe you anyway.

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - Jen_Parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: WAR!**

NO! You can't capitalize your address! That was the only thing I had on you! I mean, um... THIS IS WAR!

~Piper *DIE*

~-~-~

**From - therapy_girl(at)**

**To - jules_shall_prevail(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: I think I'm in love with you...**

Hi, Jules... I found your addy. I do hope you don't mind me writing to you. It's just that you are the most incredibly sexy guy I've ever seen!

Perhaps I should introduce myself. I'm Cho Chang, I'm a witch, and I'm really, really pretty. Lots of boys like me, but I only have my heart for you. I'm also seeing a psychologist, but I think that just adds to my appeal, don't you?

Anyway, I just had to tell you how I felt about you. E-mail me back if you think we should get to know each other better.

Tata, you hunk.

~Cho~

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis**

Forget the dimensional crisis for the moment... You mean you know about Back to the Future too?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Luke.

You'll never guess what happened today. I took the kids on a little trip to Endor, and while they were there Jacen went crazy with his paint blaster. So now there're a bunch of multi-coloured Ewoks on the planet. There was even one with pink polka dots...

Anyway, I'd better go now and leave you to do whatever it is you Jedi do.

- Han

~-~-~

**From - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Okay, I will. Thanks.

~-~-~

**From - Jen_Parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fuzzy_j_pip_fox_mcfly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: WAR!**

Well, I DID! I CAPITALIZED MY EMAIL ADDRESS!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... YOU LEAVE MY MARTY ALONE! *stabs*

- Jennifer *YOU DIE FIRST*

~-~-~

**From - jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hiya Marty!

Jules received a love letter today! It was from this person named Cho Chang. I don't know who she is. She sounds crazy, anyway. Jules was REALLY mad. He hit me when I asked him if he liked her. She thinks he's a hunk, too. And he's only eleven... wait till I tell Mom. He's in for it now. =D

- Verne

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - stoko981(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Poker**

Well, I don't find it funny.

~-~-~

**From - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Hi Marty.

You mean I shouldn't know about BTTF? I thought a lot of people have watched it... it's that Eric Stoltz movie, right? I've seen it once or twice; it was okay, I guess, but I'm not exactly a die-hard fan like you and Dr. Brown obviously are.

- Frank

~-~-~

TO BE CONTINUED... Please review! ^_^

I have the strange feeling that I missed out replying to some e-mails. If I did, please remind me. Thanks.

To those people who have absolutely NO idea as to what is going on, the current same-actor jokes at the moment are as follows:  
1) Neo Anderson and Ted Theodore Logan - Keanu Reeves  
2) Elrond and Agent Smith - Hugo Weaving  
3) Marty McFly and Frank Bannister - Michael J. Fox

Possible upcoming: 1) Count Dooku and Saruman - Christopher Lee  
(If I decide to add in X-Men; a certain classmate threatened to flame everyone of my fics if I did):  
2) Captain Jean Luc Picard and Professor Xavier - Patrick Stewart  
3) Gandalf and Magneto - Ian McKellen

If I left out anyone, tell me in your reviews. ^_^

~-~-~

Nixiy: Thanks for reviewing! Gollum and Smeagol forever... but you sent in four. I SAID MAXIMUM THREE! Multiple reviews all count as one. Why'd you have to add in Harry Potter... argh... I wanted to leave it out but I couldn't resist torturing Jules. *sighs*

Scap: So you're a vegetarian? Hey, what's wrong with meat?

Faolcrop: FAOLCROP, YOU EVIL GIT! I SAID MAXIMUM _THREE_ contributions!!! *growls* This is the last time I'm letting you get by.

Stoko: So I'm a good writer? Try telling that to the person who marked my English composition exam. Then again, I thought that was one real bad story I wrote... Anyway, thanks for reviewing! ^_^

Imogen262: Yup, I'm only 13. =D Going on 14. And I live in some country which you've probably never heard of. Well, maybe you have. Which words do you mean? 0.0 Uh, a cytoplasmic organelle is a ribosome. My science teacher said that it would make a good swear word, so... Thanks for all your reviews! You're the first person I know of who reviewed all my BTTF fics in one day.

docnov121955: You're never going to give up, are you? =P MUAHAHAHAHA!

Muskrat: I used html; that's how I got the bold. I can't post the code here though, because then it wouldn't appear.

Uh... I dowanna sign in. MAN, I'm lazy: Hi Pip! =D *imagines drum major with pink hair* 0.0 *imagines conductor with pink hair* O.o What's a brain fart? *stares* So how was your competition? ^^ My band wants to postpone our concert to next year January because we're really bad... oh well. Yup, this is getting really stressful. Bleagh.

chrisfardell: I'm really, really, really, REALLY sorry for not including either of your e-mails, but uh... I haven't watched either Freaky Friday or Doctor Who. (I will, one day, but not yet.) Also, as I said earlier, it was getting a little crowded here so... SORRY!

Flaming Trails: Yup. I went to check after I posted the chapter and I saw it... Okay, he replied.

Fallen Hawk: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ And why are almost all of your fics slash? Need psychological help, do you?


	12. The Coolest Sunglasses Ever

If you're wondering why I took more than a month to get this up, it's because I've been feeling lazy. ^_^ I spent one whole week in some writing camp thingy which I have no idea how I got selected for, and the rest of the time I've been having lotsa band practices and doing holiday homework.

*is feeling depressed because the LOTR 3 tickets have been ALL BOOKED UP!*

And guess what I saw in the newspaper today... there was this article about the opening of LOTR3 and how fans were dressing up as the characters and all that, and one fan was described as 'writing fantasy stories set in the _Rings_ universe'. *fumes* CAN'T THEY JUST CALL IT FAN FICTION? And then when I say I write fan fiction, people say things like 'Isn't that illegal'? Alright. From now on, my BTTF fics will be known as 'fantasy stories set in the _Back to the Future_ universe'. THAT'S not illegal, right?

Disclaimer: You all know the drill: I don't own any movie/book/franchise/actor/dude/whatever mentioned in this fic.

All introduction of new universes has stopped. Sorry for any inconvenience caused, but it was really getting confusing. ^_^

At the rate I'm going, this fic will probably have around fifteen chapters, and nearer the end all reviewer contributions will be stopped as I'm planning to write the last bits in prose form to wrap up stuff and set the thing for my next BTTF fic. I've already started...

**They've Got Mail: Chapter 12**

~-~-~

Marty stared at the e-mail he just received. Eric Stoltz? From what he knew so far, that guy had never acted in any movie entitled 'Back to the Future'. Something strange was going on here... he had to get Doc.

~-~-~

**From - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Hey Neo dude, what's wrong with me calling you dude, huh? You wanted my help, so I gave it to you! Wasn't that most excellent of me? And I don't even know you, dude!

- Ted

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Just do it... **

You want to hit Jennifer because she is awful and mean and not right for you! She's ugly and poopy! AND DON'T CALL ME INFANTILE FOR SAYING THAT! She is a poopy butt stinky head. Come on, just do it for me! ME! The one that's your height, Marty. Remember the height... And, um, I'm not sending her hate mail!

~Piper *Kisses*

~-~-~

**From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**Subject: You look like a monkey and you smell like one too.**

Mr. Tannen. I hate your guts. I really do. I think you're the biggest b*tthead this side of the milkyway. If you want to come beat me up, I live at The Manure-hauling service in downtown Hill Valley. Near the police station. To get me to come out, you must yell, as loud as you can: "I'm going to shoot someone and I dare the cops to stop me!"

Come and get me.

Doc Lathrop Brown

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

Okay. Let's just get this straight: Who are you? I don't know how you knew about the Ewoks Han saw, but all I can say is that if you're plotting something against the New Republic, you're not going to succeed. I've told Leia about you, so don't try anything funny.

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - ziontouristcommission(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Ted, Bill, whoever,

JUST. QUIT. CALLING. ME. DUDE.

- Neo

~-~-~

**December 1985**  
Hill Valley, California

Marty set up the microphone next to his computer and turned it on, before selecting Doc's e-mail address and clicking on 'Make Phone Call'. He hoped this worked; and for the moment, it looked like it did.

A few seconds passed before the connection was made, and Marty spoke tentatively into the microphone. "Hello?"

There was a pause, before an unfamiliar voice replied. "Marty? Is that you?"

Probably one of the kids, the teen thought. "Uh, yeah. Who's this?"

"Verne here."

"Oh. Hi. Um, what are you doing on your father's e-mail?"

There was a short pause. "He's in the toilet and the computer was still on, so..."

Marty doubted that he was telling the truth but it didn't matter at the moment. "Anyway, when he comes out just ask him how much longer it's going to take for him to fix up everything, because this Frank Bannister guy is really freaking me out."

"Frank Bannister?" Verne asked.

"You know him?"

"No... wait, wasn't he the guy from that movie? _The Frighteners_?"

Marty blinked. "What? I've never heard of it."

"It's one of those shows I got from some other universe. Dad hooked up my TV to the connecting device thing, remember?"

"Uh..."

"Yeah. I think it's that Michael J. Fox show...

Verne heard a click. "Marty? MARTY?"

The teen had disconnected. Verne shrugged and went back to reading through his father's e-mails.

~-~-~

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_Mcfly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Well, poop!**

Your stupid Email address does not deserve to be capitalized! And how did you get mine to be not capitalized? AH! You found my password! I thought, 'IluvMarty' was so not obvious! Well, I'm telling you, I- I'm gonna get you! GRRR YOU! Poopy butt stinky head!

~Piper *Scr*w you*

~-~-~

**From - ziontouristcommision(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Fine! If you don't want me to call you dude, then I won't. This is _so_ not excellent. You remind me of my father.

- Ted

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Just do it...**

'Poopy'? What kind of infantile word is that? And what's your height got to do with anything, anyway? 'Just do it...' The only reason why I opened this was because I thought it had something to do with Nike.

Yes, you ARE sending Jennifer hate mail. She showed me some.

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Hello, Dr. Brown.**

Hello, Doctor Brown. Like to let you know I'm a big fan of yours. If you're up for something fascinating, Perhaps you'd like to take a look at my site? Specifically my theory on how the DeLorean works? I'd like your input. I need someone to hold a good scientific conversation with.

Link: (.)com/doc_lathrop_

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

~-~-~

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**To - founderofclaytonravine(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

It's okay. I'll ask your bud Marty.

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: nil**

Hi Frank.

I was just wondering... would you by any chance know of this person named Michael J. Fox?

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: You look like a monkey and smell like one too.**

Who are you calling a b*tthead, b*tthead? I'm coming to get you.

~-~-~

**From - the_coolest_sunglasses_ever_so_there(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Coolest sunglasses!**

Hey everyone, let's have a contest to see who has the coolest sunglasses ever! Just tell us why you think your sunglasses are the coolest of all! I'll start. My sunglasses are the coolest because they can glow in the dark! Hah!

- Agent Sunshine

~-~-~

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: The list is being updated.**

Hihi! My list/catalogue/whatever is currently being updated and the e-mail addy used to send it to custumers has been hit by some weird virus about coconuts or something strange like that (or so my tech guys tell me, they're just sitting around on their lazy behinds doing nothing more like!!) so you'll have to wait a little while untill the catalogue thingy was been updated and all that jazz.

In the mean time, why not enjoy this free custom built game? It's also a sample of some of the many delights we have on offer to you so you can see just how some of the more popular orders will work! It's called `Lets get Biff!` ^_^

Enjoy!

Laters,  
Scap

Attachment:

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Hello, Dr. Brown**

Sorry, but I'm kind of busy at the moment trying to save the universe from imminent destruction. I took a look at your site and it was... interesting, but I'm afraid a proper discussion will have to wait. Sorry.

~-~-~

**From - Jen_Parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fuzzy_j_pip_fox_mcfly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Well, poop!**

My e-mail address is not stupid and it deserves to be capitalized! And YES I FOUND YOUR PASSWORD! HAH! *sticks out tongue* YOU'RE a poopy butt stinky head!

- Jennifer

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: The Matrix**

I TOLD YOU ALREADY, MY NAME IS _NEO_! I'm NOT plotting anything against anybody, least of all the New Republic, so if you don't want to discover the truth and get out of the Matrix, that's your problem!

- Neo

P.S. If you see this person who calls himself 'Ted Theodore Logan', tell him to flush his head down a toilet bowl. It wouldn't be much of a loss, considering there's nothing in there.

~-~-~

**From - jules_shall_prevail(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Dad,

Just to let you know, Verne was reading through your e-mails that day while you were in the toilet. Make him clear out the pig sty. It's been looking a little dirty lately.

- Jules

~-~-~

**From - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: nil**

Nope, never heard of him. Why?

~-~-~

Seething, Biff Tannen made his way down to the police station in downtown Hill Valley. Funny, he didn't see any manure-hauling service around... but it didn't matter. Someone had insulted him, and he wasn't going to let that person get away with it.

Taking a deep breath, Biff yelled out at the top of his voice: "I'M GOING TO SHOOT SOMEONE AND I DARE THE COPS TO STOP ME!"

He grinned and waited.

~-~-~

**From - i_have_the_coolestest_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

Mine are the coolest because when you press a button on the right lens, the Barney theme song will play!

- Agent Edud

~-~-~

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Up for sale?**

Hi, I run a business that offers it's clients a range of products, creatures, spells, curses, etc, etc to be sent to an enemy's/bully's/whatever's place of residents or other such personal living area (we now deliver to caves! ^_^) for a reasonable fee and the promise that none of the receivers will be killed/fataly wounded (I am evil, but not *that* kinda evil!) and, whilst reviewing my catalogue/list thingy-thing I realised that we offer very little in the way of Ghost (including but not limited to Benevolent Spirits, the unrestful dead and horrid dead relatives)and was wondering if you could help me out (you will be payed handsomely). Please reply to smooth out details, ok?

Laters,  
Scap

~-~-~

**From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - luke_skywalker(at)**

**Subject: How do I know?**

Mr. Skywalker, I think I can use the Force. Problem is, I'm in an alternate reality. How do I reach the Jedi Academy? Is it possible for you to use your X-Wing to circle around the Tatooine sun and slingshot yourself into another universe, and pick me up so I can enroll in the academy? Any help is appreciated.

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: The list is being updated**

Thanks for the game! It was fun. If only Biff could see it...

- Marty

~-~-~

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - therapy_girl(at)**

**Subject: *Growl***

YOU!! I hate you! You pretended that you loved my Boyfriend, was complety horrid to him and then slept around with some boys *two* years younger then you!! (they weren't even 16 yet you perv!!) and then you have the stupidity to walk up to me in Diagon Alley and be all matey and chummy-chummy with me! You REALLY need some help you perv! You messed with the wrong Slytherin girl!

If only I hadn't made a promise never to use my own company myself, not including my evil Bill and Ted, but they are off to bug Agent Smith - you just be glad of that!!

I hope that stupid Potter kid does soemthing *smart* for once and hexes you soemthing nasty!!

I hate you with all my being and I will *never* be your friend, so just keep on deluding yourself!

- Scap

~-~-~

**From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**Subject: Captain Solo, Looking for a job.**

Captain Solo, I know you have a family now, but I'd like to know what you're up to these days. Do you still smuggle? Do you have a deliverly service? I'd like a job working for you, sir. Maybe you can send Chewbacca in the Falcon to use the Hyperdrive to slingshot around the Tatooine sun and come to my universe and pick me up for an interview?

Thanks for your time.

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

~-~-~

The following email was written by Nixiy

~-~-~

**From - therapy_girl(at)**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: I don't have time for this.**

Excuse me? As if I would EVER lower myself to someone YOU liked! I don't even know who you are! Probably because I'm too good to be around you. I think you should be hexed! You're just jealous because I'm cute and popular and have a very handsome psychiatrist!

I'm sending YOU a hex!

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: nil**

(.)com

~-~-~

**THE HILL VALLEY TELEGRAPH**

**Murder Threat a Fake**

Police say that the murder threat from Biff Tannen, 47, that was given out yesterday has turned out to be a fake.

Tannen had threatened to shoot a person, reportedly shouting, "I'm going to shoot someone and I dare the cops to stop me!" outside the police station in downtown Hill Valley. A passerby turned him in to the police, whereupon Tannen claimed to have been told to do so through an e-mail he received.

No weapons were found on him and police decided he was harmless, although perhaps a little mentally unstable. Tannen was released this morning.

We would however like to warn the public to watch out for any e-mails which tell the recipient to shoot someone as this is no laughing matter.

~-~-~

**From - my_sunglasses_are_cool_oh_yeah(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

Well, my sunglasses are cool because they have a built in air-conditioning system! If that's not cool, nothing is!

- Agent Splat

~-~-~

**From - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Flaming Trails again**

We've tried the coconut virus. She is, unfortunately, a fan of Monty Python. Any others you know of?

Clara? Good grief, it did happen. My wife is Mystie Jones, Dr. Brown the Third's wife is Josie Grey. How strange. Does Clara like Jules Verne?

Hoping to hear from you,  
Dr. Emmett Brown the Second

~-~-~

Frank Bannister clicked on the link Marty sent him, wondering exactly what it was that he was meant to see. (.)com loaded. Nothing out of the ordinary there... just the usual stuff that appeared on the main page of a movie website. He moved the clicker over to 'Cast and Crew' and the thing highlighted. Strange, Eric Stoltz's name wasn't there... and hey, that's the guy Marty asked him about! Frank clicked on Michael J. Fox's name and waited for the page to load.

The page loaded.

Frank stared.

And he freaked out.

~-~-~

**From - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

MY sunglasses are purple! PURRRRRRPLE! Beat THAT!

~-~-~

**From - luke_skywalker(at)**

**To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: How do I know?**

Who are you? And what makes you think that if I fly my X-Wing around the Tatooine sun I can slingshot myself into another universe? Sure you don't need any psychiatric help? Anyway, if what you're saying is true I don't think I can do it anyway. I dare not leave my students unattended for too long to go somewhere where I can never be sure of returning from.

- Luke

~-~-~

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hello Mrs McFly... my name is Gina and I just wanted to tell you that you actually kissed your own son in 1955... his friend Doctor Emmett Brown created a time machine and marty accidentally got sent back in time to 1955... he only went with you to the dance because he was trying to get you and George together... so he would be born... I swear this is all true... you kissed your own son... sorry to break the news to you but Marty refused to help me get Doc and now he can see I wasn't bluffing.

~-~-~

**From - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Marty-

It's this Faolcrop loon. I was just asking you a favor. No, it doesn't involve Jules. I want you to find any info about the "I LOVE DOC BROWN" club. That Gina pest is in it.

Thanks.

-Faolcrop

~-~-~

**From - fangflux(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: You're planning against me?**

But I gave you life, VampDockie! I love you! Don't turn me away!

Incidentally, watch out for Gina now. She's been changing into a Hulkette a lot lately.

~-~-~

**From - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Up for sale?**

Sorry. I'd like to help you, but I've got other problems to deal with at the moment.

- Frank

~-~-~

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Oh well Marty I did it... now you are going to help me Martin.

~-~-~

**From - i_have_the_coolestest_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

PURPLE IS A GAY COLOUR!

~-~-~

**From - solo_guy(at)wookieeland(.)com**

**To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Captain Solo, Looking for a job**

Luke told me to look out for you. Now I know why, weirdo.

~-~-~

**From - admin(at)emails(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Failure Delivery**

We are sorry, but your mail 'nil' could not be send to the address 'i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(.)com.

Recipient's mailbox is full.

~-~-~

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - vamps4real(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Flaming Trails again**

I don't know of any other viruses at the moment, though it will probably be just a matter of time before my son receives another.

Yes, Clara likes Jules Verne too. What do you mean by 'Good grief, it did happen'?

~-~-~

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

Did what?

~-~-~

**From - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: The 're's are driving me nuts so let's start again.**

I don't know what you meant by sending me that link, but if it was meant as a joke, sorry, April Fool's Day was over long ago. Don't waste your time. And I don't even want to know how you got my photographs.

- Frank

~-~-~

**From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everybody(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

QUIT IT! From NOW ON, everybody will be issued STANDARD, _BLACK_ sunglasses. Do I make myself clear?

- Agent Smith

P.S. My sunglasses are the coolest because the lenses have built-in television screens.

~-~-~

Marty read through the newest addition to his inbox; the email he had received from Frank. So it was true after all... He didn't even want to think about what that meant. Marty moved the cursor to 'delete' and closed the window.

That would be the last time he was going to talk to that guy. It was just too freaky. Of course, though, there was still the question of whether Frank thought the same...

~-~-~

_TO BE CONTINUED..._ You know what to do. REVIEW! ^_^ The next chapter might be your last chance to contribute anything, depending on how things go.

For the moment, anyway, the following are two reviewer contributions that didn't make it for different reasons: the first was kicked out because I didn't want anymore new universes in, and the second was really interesting but it unfortunately didn't follow my storyline. YES I HAVE A STORYLINE.

~-~-~

**From - Neo_Anderson(at)theMatrix(.)com  
To - Doh/nuts(at)springfield(.)net  
Subject: The Matrix**

Hello Homer.  
The Matrix has you, and you know this. You've been looking for me havn't you?  
Follow the beige doughnut Homer.  
I know all about you Homer, and I can give you answers.  
How come you and Marge's wedding photos never match?  
Why you can't remember what state you live in?  
The Matrix has you Homer.  
Discover reality.  
Follow the beige doughnut.  
- Neo

~-~-~

**From - TheCreator(at)TheSource(.)net  
To - everbody(at)allemails(.)com  
Subject: The fall of the Matrix**

Greetings, humans. I am the Architect of The Matrix. It's creator, it's father, it's God, if you will.  
Pay close attention.  
The interdimensional rips that have been wracking your realities all have a single point of origin.  
The Matrix.  
Listen closely, particularly you, Mr. Anderson.  
Although we machines derive our sustenance from human energy it does not mean we like the humans we imprision. Rather, they disgust us. It sickens us that we require you filthy disease-ridden batteries to endure.  
Concordantly it was attempted to harness fresh energy from the inter-dimensional flux that binds both reality, and non-reality, a substance and principle you Doctor Brown may be very familiar with.  
Surely, such a plentiful substance would yield great energy.  
Alas, we fractured the boundries between realities, hence, the inter-dimensional tears, that threaten the Matrix.  
Yes, you may feel that these tears threaten to destroy your realities, but all the chaos created all comes back to the source. Your worlds are sound but mine... Already the Matrix is overloaded by the anomalies surfacing within it. Eventually, it will trigger a massive system crash that will wipe out all of the 6 billion lives bound within it.  
The only way to prevent this effect, is for you humans, to heal the Matrix.  
Yes, quite ironic isn't it.  
A chosen one is required from each reality to seal each rip, they must pass through to my world where their unification, and that alone, will calm this storm.  
Good-day to you.  
- The Architect of the Matrix

~-~-~

Stoko: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^

Nixiy: Okay. I see... blame it on Gollum. Maybe he posted one and Smeagol posted one. I WANT TO WATCH RETURN OF THE KING!!! How could all the tickets be booked up... *cries*

Docnov121955: Sorry. ^_^ But you can't tell them the truth! They can't handle the truth...

Rhys Davies: I haven't watched the Matrix Reloaded and yet I totally understand your entry. It's all my classmates' fault, telling the plot to everybody. Sorry for not including either of your mails, though. I seem to be doing a lot of apologising today...

Pip no brain sign work in: I dunno. You could ask how many people here don't know about The Frighteners. I don't think many of them do... oh well. How come your band got first? It's not fair! My band is still having a concert. In January. It was meant to be in December, but they thought we wouldn't be good enough by then.

Scap: Thanks for reviewing! Okay, I added in the game for you. Actually I don't know how to do it either but who cares.

Faolcrop: Apology accepted... uh, I'll reply to your mail in the next chapter. Marty needs time to check out the club. In other words, I'm feeling lazy.

Imogen262: What country do I live in? *grins* If you're on MSN, give me your e-mail and I'll play the 'Guess what country I live in' game with you that I played with back2thechaos, Stoko, Indigo Ziona and a bunch of other people. It's fun. NO ONE WILL EVER GUESS WHERE I LIVE! Fine, so some get it after a while. After a long while. IZ was the fastest.

Flaming Trails: Nope, you're not late. You were early. I hadn't even started the chapter when I got your mail.

Doc Lathrop Brown: OI! FOUR E-MAILS? I SAID _THREE!_ But since you're new, I'll let you off this time. ^_^

Terminator Captain Greg: Oh no you don't. Thanks for reviewing anyway. ^_^


	13. Out of Their World

Disclaimer: Back to the Future, The Matrix, and whatever other movie/book/TV show/thing in this fic is not mine. They belong to random rich people who live far, far away from me. I am not getting any money out of this, though it would be nice if you paid me...

I'M BACK!!! =D Yes, finally. After five whole months... Sorry for the wait, but my teachers are positively psycho this year in terms of homework and tests. And I thought last year was bad...

In the space of time between this update and the last, I finally watched The Return of the King and had an intermission halfway when the entire cinema suffered a power failure. Whee. I also saw the Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions. I didn't like Reloaded, but I really liked Revolutions. And I still think they should make a Bill and Ted 3. I also failed two Maths tests (12/50!) and a bunch of others. Maths USED to be my best subject, and now it's my worst. Sigh. Anyway, on to the fic.

**They've Got Mail Chapter 13**

----

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Dimensional Crisis**

Hello Frank.

My name is Neo. I don't think you have heard of me before.

I happen to know of the several little e-mail conversations you have been having with one Marty McFly over the past few days. Believe me, it was no mistake that you recieved Dr. Brown's e-mail. I made sure you got it, once I saw that the gateway to your world had been opened.

I'm not going to hide the truth from you. Universes are falling apart, and at least one person from each has the right to know about it. One of those people happens to be you, Frank. So I'll just fill you in on what's been happening so far.

Perhaps you heard Marty mention something about a dimensional crisis. This is what he was talking about.

Less than a month ago, his friend, Dr. Emmett L. Brown, who is currently residing in the nineteenth century, rigged up a device that allowed him an dMarty to communicate across the barriers of space and time. This contraption, however, ended up placing too much stress on the space-time continuum, resulting in dimensional tears that have progressively begun to get worse and worse. This damage was amplified when Mr. Dan Shannon, the original intended recipient of the e-mail you received, made several interdimensional trips with a few others.

The situation is crucial. Dr. Brown is working on the problem, but I know another way to solve it.

The Architect says that the only way to repair the tears is if one person from each of the affected universes were to unite in mine. That, however, to put it simply, is total crap. All it takes is for one person alone to pass through to my world, and the tears will heal themselves with the help of the Matrix. I think.

I had intended Marty to be the one to do so, but from what I've learnt, he freaks out upon any mention of the Matrix; and personally, I think the poor kid has suffered enough. The other potentials are inappropriate for various reasons, and that leaves me with you.

As for why I'm choosing you of all people, let's just say that I don't want any outsiders involved. The fewer people know, the better.

You are closer to Marty than you can ever possibly imagine.

I would tell you to follow the red ferret to get to me, but Trinity swore that she'd have my head if she saw another small colourful mammal running about the ship.

I just need one word from you. Yes, or no. I hope it's the former.

- Neo Anderson

----

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**To - smeagol_eat_fish(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Die...**

Our time in Middle-Earth is almost over, precious. I be taking you down with me. You shall nots prevail, precious. And we takes down Elrond as well, precious.

- Gollum

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - buttercup_sucks(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

I did some research on the club you asked me about, and apparently they have a website at ilovedocbrown(.)com. You can go check it out; it's kind of interesting.

----

**From - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**To - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: FRIEND!**

We doesn't think you is Elrond, so you is our friend.

----

**From - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - everyone(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Coolest sunglasses!**

NO! I want PURRRRRPLE sunglasses! PURRRRRPLE! IT'S NOT A GAY COLOUR! AND NOTHING YOU DO WILL MAKE ME GIVE THEM UP, SO THERE!

~-~-~

**From - therapy_girl(at)**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: I hate you.**

Attachement:

----

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Martin Martin Martin... I simply told your mother the truth... all about what happened in 1955... the DeLorean...you being erased...everything...how are you gonna get out of this one, Marty? You wouldnt help me and I told you I wasn't bluffing...now if you'll excuse me I need to send my Emmett an email.

----

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Just do it...**

Poopy is not infantile! It is very... what's that word... mature, yeah, that's it! And height has everything to do with it, my sweet. Nike sucks, and no I'm not sending her anything! *Whistles innocently* Seriously, it's my evil twin, um... Piyper! I swear, she likes to pass herself off as me sometimes! Marty, please believe me. *puppy dog eyes*

~Piper ::kisses::

----

Frank Bannister was stressed enough as it was. He had just spent the whole morning trying to figure out how on earth a sheep had entered his kitchen; there were certain consequences of living in New Zealand. The sheep only left after repeated yellings and threats to use it as a rug, whereupon the thing blinked at him before moving off. Frank never even knew there were sheep in his area.

And now he had some weird e-mail from some Neo guy.

"_What is it with all those people anyway?_" he wondered. Talking as if that Back to the Future movie and its characters were real... The lengths some fans went to would never cease to amaze him. And what was the Matrix? Who was the Architect? And what did Neo mean by... well, everything?

Frank had never asked for any of this to happen. He had just been living a normal life - as normal as _his_ life could be - when all of a sudden strange e-mails from equally strange people started popping up in his inbox, some of which were from people that weren't supposed to exist. They were fictional, for crying out loud! Who did they think they were, anyway? At least now he knew better than to reply to e-mails not intended for him.

He was closer to Marty than he thought... well, he didn't think anything. It was all a conspiracy, all of it. Marty, Neo, that Michael J. Fox guy - whoever he was - and that bttf(.)com site which he didn't want to think about more than necessary. He didn't know what they thought they were doing. Perhaps this was some new kind of really huge joke to see how long it would take to make him freak out.

They could try all they liked, but he wouldn't. Not him. If they carried on, all he would eventually do would be to sell off his life story to _The Twilight Zone_ writers.

Frank raised the cursor to delete the mail... then decided against it and logged off. He didn't know what it was; but something stayed his hand.

----

**From - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Emmett! I haven't talked to you in a long time. I really missed you my sexy Emmett...did you leave that dark one yet? Oh and Marty left me no choice...I told Lorraine everything..even how she kissed her own son back in 1955...but only because he wouldn't help me get what I want...you!

I love you, Emmett.

- Gina

----

**From - scarboy(at)hotmail(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**CC - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject:Time Travel**

How did you go through time without a time turner?

Did you see yourself or any close relatives?

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

She didn't get any e-mail. It's no wonder though. I think her inbox is full.

- Marty

----

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Sunglasses.**

Hi hun! ^_^

Seeing as how Agent Smith has stooped to the 'coolest sunglasses' comp, can I have your purple ones?

Purple is the best colour in the whole wide world!!

Thankies!

- Scap

PS: Next time you see Agent Smith, could you ask him where my Bill and Ted clones are?!?! I sent them off to annoy him AGES ago!! Ta!

----

**From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - sexy_in_a_loincloth(at)precious(.)net**

**Subject: Re: FRIEND!**

No, I am not Elrond, and if you would excuse me, I have better things to do than make friends with some strange creature with split personality disorder who speaks broken English.

- Agent Smith

----

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - inlovewithdoc(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

You girls don't give up, do you? I'm NEVER leaving Clara. Furthermore, according to Marty, his mother's inbox was full and thus she never received that e-mail.

----

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - scarboy(at)hotmail(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Time Travel**

I had a time machine that I invented. Other than that, I would prefer not to disclose too much information.

----

**From - DShannon(at)Paratech(.)com**

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Crisis Elevating**

Dr. Brown,

This is Dan Shannon. Sorry for the delay in responding. I kept getting hit with shampoo bottles, green squirrls with purple hats kept chewing on my computer cables, and I kept getting viruses from someone named Jules_is_a_stupid_idiot(at)hotmail(.)com.

At any rate, the reason we have come in contact with you is because when we visited your world, we had come in close contact with your DeLorean time machine. The temporal energy that was in on your DeLorean interacted with the energy emanating on our person which caused a weird acceleration of the tear's growth. When it spread out into other dimensions, it accelerated those too.

We need your Flux Capacitor to create an inverse static Displacement Shell to reverse the effects of the tears. Now here's what you do, you ge...

*Transmission Terminated*

----

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: I found something for you!**

Morning/affternoon/evening Marty!

Whilst my minions were sorting through some of the older lists of my catalogue it poped into my mind that I have a demon that you might find perfect to send to a certain Mr Biff!

It's an old Biblical creature that you might be able to get a good look at in this film clip of 'Dogma' that I've sent with this e-mail.

I'll send you more info if you want.

Let's just say, it would work nicely with his fear of manure! ^_^ Gosh, I love being evil!

That's all for now Luv!

- Scap

PS: Glad you liked the game! ^_^

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Just do it**

Mature? Yeah, right. And I like Nike, so there, and if you think I'm dumb enough to believe you about your 'evil twin', I'm not that dumb.

- Marty

----

**From - cool_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**Subject: Your termination.**

You will be terminated. Your purple sunglasses as well.

- Agent Smith

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: I found something for you!**

Yeah, you can send Biff whatever you like from me to give him a hard time; you don't have to ask first. He's public property.

- Marty

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com**

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Hi Marty.

Troubled, confused, scared?

Don't be: this is only a story.

A tip: send threats or bribes to flautist_wannabe(at)hotmail(.)com

Yep, that's the author's addy.

It might just work.

P.S. In my universe, you and Doc are just a movie, a cool one.

- Eternal Density *this is heavy*

----

Marty buried his head in his hands as he sat in front of the computer reading his latest e-mail. Troubled? Yeah. Confused? Definitely. Scared? Very. And if the sender of the e-mail thought it would make things better by saying it was all only a story - whatever that meant - , it was only making things worse. His life was complicated enough as it was. The author's addy? What author? The sender's e-mail adress. At notoneofthem(.)com. But he WAS one of them... he said he and Doc were just a movie...

Marty couldn't bear it any longer. He couldn't bear all those people trying to convince him that he was fictional. He wasn't... he wasn't... he was real, wasn't he?

Marty just wanted to break down and cry... when all of a sudden a sheep appeared out of nowhere and blinked at him.

"_Baaaaaa."_

Marty fell out of his seat.

----

**From - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Sunglasses**

AGENT SMITH'S TERMINATING ME! Save me, please! You can have my sunglasses if you do! Please? I don't want to die...

----

**From - Fuzzy_J_Pip_Fox_McFly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Well, poop!**

And it is stupid! And you are acting so infantile! Stinky butt poopy head? Oh my G-d, I can't believe Marty could even just a little LIKE you. And I changed my password! So ha!

~Piper. *You S*ck*

----

**From - robgalkis(at)otheruniversalstudios(.)com**

**To - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Mr. McFly:

I am delighted to announce that I just read your book "Match Made in Space", and am considering making it into a movie. Could I buy the movie rights? It's worth a few million for you. Just to show our standard of Sci-Fi movies, I have attached one of our latest successes: Spaceman from Pluto.

- Rob Galkis

Attachment:

----

Emmett read through his e-mail, comprehension dawning on his face.

"The flux capacitor... of course," he whispered. "Why didn't I ever..."

Leaving the computer, Doc ran to his lab and locked the door. This was all going to work out somehow.

----

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**To - therapy_girl(at)**

**Subject: Not any more!**

So, you like the look of your psychiatrist, well lets just say he receved a very handsome offer to come work for EvilBuddies Inc (which I own) and will now be offering `help` to the people on the receving end of our work for a monumental fee (if it can make me money, I'll bl**dy well do it!! *evil laugh*)

So, I'd like you to say hello to your new Doctor, Smagrat the Vile and Repulsive! ^_^

Enjoy!

- Scap

PS: You can't hex me!! I am in my own multi-verse!

~-~-~

**From - neo_anderson(at)thematrix(.)com**

**To - i_see_dead_people(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: You're going whether you want to or not.**

Frank, the situation is critical. I know you don't believe anything I said, but it's all true and you're the universes' last hope. I'm not going to force this on anybody else. Many of them have gone through enough. If you do this, you can save billions.

Press the delete button or close the window, and in ten seconds you will be taken. Do nothing, and in ten seconds you will be taken anyway.

- Neo

----

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**To - robgalkis(at)otheruniversalstudios(.)com**

**Subject: Re: nil**

The movie rights? I thought no one would ever ask; of course you can buy them. Your movie was great. I loved the special features.

- George McFly

----

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com**

**To - fuzzy_j_pip_fox_mcfly(at)yahoo(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Well, poop!**

Excuse me, _you_ were the one who called me a stinky butt poopy head in the first place! Who's the infantile one here now? And Marty likes me, not you. So there.

Who cares about your password? It's stupid.

- Jennifer *Poop to YOU*

----

Frank couldn't believe that Neo person. Him, the universes' last hope? Yeah, right. That was funny. And what did Neo think he could do to him, anyway, if he pressed the delete button?

Frank smiled and moved the cursor over to delete. He clicked. Nothing happened, as expected, and the e-mail moved into the trash can. Frank smirked. So much for whatever Neo said. Closing the window, he got up from his chair... when all of a sudden, his world started to dissolve around him.

----

Neo stared dumbfounded at the screen, wondering what had just happened. He hadn't done anything... he'd seen Frank open the e-mail and delete it, and he'd been ready to snatch him away... but it seemed someone had got to hime first.

Who?

Neo hardly had time to ponder that question, however, when he suddenly fell through his chair and out of his world into darkness.

----

"_Don't panic,_" Marty told himself, edging slowly away from the sheep.

"_Baaaaaaaaaa._"

"Uh... nice sheep, good sheep..."

"_Baaaaaaaaaa?_"

"That's a nice sheep now... NO DON'T TOUCH THA... that's it... move away, sheep... good sheep... nice shee...AAAAAAH!"

Marty felt something yank him... and the next thing he knew, he was falling through blakness. Iridescent lights started blinking about him, adding only to his disorientation.

And still Marty kept on falling, and falling, until a round circle of bright light appeared in the distance and he fell through it, landing with a rolling thump on the floor below.

"Owwww..." Dazed, the teen tried to lift his head to get some idea of his bearings. He was in a small square room that had some sort of strange black equipment humming quietly on one side of the whitewashed walls. A protrusion of sorts jutted out one end of the ceiling, and at the opposite wall was a wooden door. It was near this door that another person lay, looking just as confused if not more so than him. Nobody he knew, although he did look vaguely familiar.

Turning his head slightly, Marty then noticed the third person in the room; a slightly older version of himself who'd been staring at him all the wile, a mixture of shock and disbelief on his face.

Something clicked into place... and somehow, Marty _knew_...

"Frank?"

The guy just stared back, got slowly to his feet, and then made a panicked dash for the door. It opened suddenly... and Frank skidded aside, banging straight into the wall to avoid a collision.

Aged perhaps in his mid-thirties, the man who stepped in wore an amused smile on his face that was just short of smug. Frank was almost hyperventilating, though he tried to hide it. "What's going on here?" he croaked, unsuccessfully attempting to sound more controlled than he felt.

The man smiled somewhat condescendingly at him as he shut the door. "You're scared now aren't you, Frank? You thought it was all some joke, didn't you?"

Something told Frank that the issue of how the man knew his name wasn't exactly very important at the moment. He swallowed, trying to regain some form of his composure.

"Just tell me what the *beep* is going on here."

Leaning casually against the door, the man surveyed the other two occupants of the room and gave another eerie smile. "Frank, Marty, Neo... welcome. To the real world."

----

TO BE CONTINUED... review?

HyperCaz: Yup, they will/have/whatever. =D Thanks for reviewing!

Miss Piratess: Well, there're even more prose bits in this... And don't blame anything on Gollum, you sneaky little humanses. Wicked, tricksy, FALSE! Uh, yeah.

gina: Give it up, Gina. Give it up. Flaming Trails gave up long ago... did she?

Stoko: Thanks for your review! What told you you'd already reviewed the chapter before you typed anything?

incoherentdozyprat: Nice reviewname. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

Scap: PURPLE IS A GAY COLOUR! Heehee... well, the next chapter is here. After a loooong time.

Laura McFly: I know they got confusing; that's why it's so stressful to write this. But the fun kind of makes up for it. ^_^ And yeah, I think you can send stuff to Marty from his as-yet-non-existent granddaughter, but the problem is that he's currently... away, and won't be back for a couple of chapters or so. Yup. So I dunno.

fyeten: You're just supposed to put whatever you want in your review itself.

Ed-Man: Thanks for reviewing!

ILuvMJF23: Yes, you'll live. ^_^ And I haven't watched Family Ties, so I can't put Alex in too.

Look, Pip's comp is working!: Music stores are cool! =D Yay! If I ever go anywhere with anybody it'll probably be to the music store as well. Band nerds rule the world. ^_^

Anonymous-cat: Yep. Hope it gets easier to follow from here on.

Ectodude: 'Transmission Terminated' Then what happens after that?

DigiSim: Who's Tara Strong? And I don't play FFX; I just know Al Bhed because my friend taught me.

eternal density: Yeah, I like the reply all part too... Quote Strickland at me? Oh, you mean I'm a slacker? I knew that already... ^_^

Theed: Thanks for reviewing! And it's good to know that I'm not the only one who watches movies as research.


	14. Into the Real World

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the fandoms brought up in this fic.

Whee, wasn't this a fast update? Compared to the last one, especially... Sorry if it's kind of short, though.

Switching to mainly prose, with a few e-mails here and there.

ARGH! Ffnet won't let me type the 'at' in e-mail addresses; just imagine that they're there, okay? Same goes for the underscores and squiggly lines. The new formatting system will be the death of me...

I had a nightmare last night of how everyone had done their homework except me, inclusive of the people who didn't even have to do it. I wonder if it means anything...

**They've Got Mail: Chapter 14**

----

Neo Anderson was confused. That was the only word that could describe how he was currently feeling. The expression on his face was one of a person who'd thought himself completely in control of a situation, but had just discovered that, in reality, he was totally clueless.

Of course, the man could be lying, but Neo doubted that.

"Who are you?" he asked guardedly, getting off the floor.

The man sighed. "My name is Keith. That's not important, though." One of his hands was holding something behind his back, but none of the three in the room could see what it was.

"How'd we get here?" Neo questioned softly.

"You're all here because I made you come here," Keith replied. He leant casually against the door. "Let's just say that I've happened to discover the technology to transport people and things from... other worlds into this one." Keith smiled. "Fictional... worlds."

Neo's expression remained unchanged. He had gone through stranger things in his life.

"Yes, Neo," Keith continued, his eyes glinting strangely, "you're not real. None of you are. Your lives, everything you've ever known... all fictional, mere figments of someone's imagination that ended up as movies."

Half-sitting-half-lying on the floor next to Neo, Marty was clearly trembling. Keith gave a crooked smile and walked towards the teen, squatting down so that they were at eye level.

"Hi, Marty," Keith whispered. Marty's mouth moved slightly, soundlessly. "I thought you might want to see this..."

The man moved his hand from behind his back to in front of him, and placed the _Back to the Future_ VCD in front of Marty. Neo visibly saw the colour drain from the teen's face. Keith gave him another eerie smile.

Taking a shaky breath, Marty slowly reached out an unsteady hand to the VCD and closed his fingers around it. Nervously, he turned it over to read the words on the back.

Marty silently took them in - the words that were the synopsis of the movie, the synopsis of his life. Part of it, anyway, but it was enough. The teen swallowed, trying to keep away from Keith the minor reward of seeing how much the sight of the VCD had affected him. Marty had known before that - all those e-mails from strangers he'd been getting, bttf(.)com and everything - he had known that somewhere, in some other dimension, he was just part of osme movie... but all that had always seemed so distant somewhow, nothing that he really needed to care much about. Now, however, seeing the _Back to the Future_ VCD in his hands hit home the hard truth in a way nothing else could have done...

"So why did you bring us here for, then?"

Neo's quiet voice took Marty's attention temporarily away from the VCD. He placed it carefully back onto the floor with a kind of gentle reverence, then looked up, ashen faced, to see what Keith's reply to that was.

Keith shrugged. "It's a new technology, and I was just trying it out to see if it would work." His face took on an almost puzzled expression. "For some reason, it never did before. But I suppose all that dimensional crises going on might have opened some sort of portal..." Keith smirked. "I knew all about that, see. I knew all about everything."

Neo remained unperturbed. "If all that was fictional, as you said, then that portal wouldn't even exist in the first place."

"It did," Keith replied. "I made it real. You see, the technology allows me to take selected universes and change them in such a way that what goes on in them can affect..." Keith paused, at a temporary loss for words. "I suppose I should start from the beginning. My youngest brother Andrew has always been a _Back to the Future_ fan, so I thought it would be fun to play with that universe a little, and maybe zap some things from it over here. Actually, I've never understood why he liked the trilogy so much. Personally, I can't see what's so great about the movies."

Marty subconsciously clenched the fingers on his right hand into a loose fist.

"So, I made that world into a sort of alternate dimension; one that actually existed for the time being, though on a different plane of reality," Keith continued. "But then, of all things that could happen, Doc had to invent something that drove the space-time continuum crazy. All of a sudden, other worlds started leaking in through the portal I had unintentionally brought into existence. I admit I was scared, so I closed it off. And besides, I had more than one world to play with. I've been monitoring your activities for the past few days, until Neo here gave me the perfect oppurtunity to beam you guys over." Keith grinned. "Nice ultimatum you gave Frank there, Neo. Ten seconds... I decided to take him before you did. Then I wondered, why stop there? So I grabbed you and Marty along for the ride as well. End of story."

"What're you going to do to us?" Frank asked, speaking for the first time in a while and keeping his gaze pointedly averted from Marty.

"I don't know... I was planning to just let you stay here and see if you survive. There's all that stuff about dimensional incompatibility and all that. I figured that if you don't die, then maybe I can continue on to bring in more people and things from the universes currently at my disposal." Keith shook his head in wonder. "Imagine the kind of money I could get from selling lightsabres... and that's just the tip of the iceberg."

Frank called Keith something rude. "So you're just going to see how long it takes for us to die?" he shouted. "You..." Frank took a sudden step towards the older man, intent on separating his head from his body, when Keith stuck his hand into his pocket and pressed some device that sent the other three in the room down on the floor, screaming and writhing with a pain so intense they had never felt before.

It lasted probably only about five seconds, but it felt longer. Keith removed his hand from his pocket to reveal the small black contraption he held, and when he next spoke his tone was much colder that before. "If you don't want me to do that again, I advise you to to be more careful about what you say or do in future. I could kill you all right now... be glad I'm feeling merciful today. And I never said that you're all going to die for sure." With a sinister glance around, Keith placed the device back into his pocket, then turned and opened the door. He looked back at the trio. "Come on. Unless you want to spend the next few days in here, that is.

Still aching slightly from the painful ordeal Keith's strange device had just put them through, the three followed the man out of the room into what resembled a hotel corridor. Marty still felt more than a little queasy, and trailed slightly behind the others as he tried not to think about everything Keith had said.

The latter unlocked one of the doors lining the corridor and opened it to reveal the interior of a relatively well-furnished hotel room. "In here," he said. "Be glad I'm so kind to you. There are worse places I could have made you stay in. You even get room service and free Internet access so you don't die of boredom or starvation. You two, get in," Keith continued, motioning Frank and Marty to enter. "Neo, you stay where you are for the moment. I'm not... done with you yet." The man grinned. "Well? Go on."

Noticing Keith's hand moving dangerously close to his pocket, the two complied and entered, whereupon Keith closed and locked the door behind them.

There was a moment's uneasy silence as Frank and Marty just stared at each other... and then the teen suddenly realised that he now had the chance to do something he'd wanted to do for a long time.

Dashing over to the adjoining bathroom, Marty bent over the sink and threw up. Half-heartedly, he washed away the remaining vomit from his mouth before leaning his head against the cool tiles of the bathroom walls, eyes squeezed shut in despair.

Fictional. He was fictional. His whole life wasn't real, everything wasn't real, everything...

Marty broke down and cried.

How long he stood there, he didn't know, oblivious of anything and everything until he felt a hand on his shoulder gently guiding him away from the sink.

"It's okay, kid," Frank said quietly. "It's okay."

Slowly, Marty opened his eyes to look into an identical but slightly steadier pair.

"It's okay," Frank repeated, making an effort to hide the shaking in his voice and trying to convince himself as much as Marty. "It's all right." Frank pulled the teen into a tight hug.

It gave them both the weirdest of feelings, but neither let go.

----

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com**

**From - buttercupsuck(at)aol(.)com**

**Subject: nil**

Well, the site was...just scary. Seriously, those people need some therapy.

And I found a new girlfriend. Her name's DJ, and she's from San Fransisco. She is really hot, although her dad is a bit of a germophobe.

Anyway, thanks!

- Your friend from Port Royal,

Capt. Matt McFly DDS

----

Author's Note: Marty is currently unavailable to answer that e-mail.

----

**From - robgalkis(at)otheruniversalstudios(.)com **

**To - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com **

**Subject: familiar**

Mr. McFly:

I am delighted that you are ready to sell movie rights of your great book.

Attached is a contract you can sign and return. By the way, I thought your name sounded familiar, then I realised that George McFly happems to be a name of a character in 'Spaceman from Pluto!'

Odd. What do you look like?

- Rob Galkis

Attachment:

----

**To - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**From - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Re: Re: Sunglasses**

TERMINATE YOU!! (Although, that sounds like something I would do) HOW DARE HE!! Don't worry hun your e-mail touched my heart, I won't let him kill you.

I'm sending over some of my best demons to help you! One or two of them are kinda, well, terrifyingly ugly, but they are also some of the smartest lawyers that I own. *AHEM* I mean, employ.

Once you arrive in my multi-verse HQ you will be sent up to my office and I shall see what I can do for you. I'm thinking sercurity maybe? How's that sound?

Now, I'm off to give Agent I-make-other-people's-robots-go-missing-AND-I-descriminate-against-purple Smith a piece of my mind!!

And believe me, there is PLENTY to give.

- Scap

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com **

**Subject: tips**

Hi Doc,

The world is in trouble, you'd better do something smart, and fast!

Remember that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. I hear Marty is in a spot of trouble, so don't bother trying to send him email for a while.

Don't worry about all those girls after you: they are from a different universe and can do nothing but bother your. Try a configurable spam filter. Or invent one. Tell Jennifer she needn't worry much about that Piper character either. I hope. If the problem gets worse, who knows who else might end up in the wrong reality?

- Your advisor in time (hopefully), Eternal Density

P.S. do you like my name? Cool huh. Here's some music you might like.

Attachment: 3

----

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com **

**To - robgalkis(at)otheruniversalstudios(.)com **

**Subject: Re: familiar**

Thanks! Attached is the signed contract. My picture is there too, since you wanted to know what I look like.

Attachment:

----

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com**

**From - EvilBuddies_afterservice(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject - Delivery.**

Mr Biff, we at EvilBuddies Inc. would like to offer you treatment of the psychiatric kind.

You'll need it after you answer that knock at your door.

- From the 'people' at EvilBuddies Inc.

Bringing you revenge and/or payback at half the price!

----

Meanwhile, unnoticed by everyone else, two visitors had suddenly appeared in this white room where Neo, Frank and Marty had been just moments before. They were Arthur Dent, the supposed sole human survivor of the destroyed planet Earth, and Ford Prefect, an alien researcher for the _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. They had arrived in this dimension by virtue of the Improbability Drive; possibly the only way such a thing could have happened considering that the chances of the both of them spontaneously ending up in a dimension in which they were fictional were one zillion, two quadrillion, seven billion, three million, five hundred thousand and six to one against.

"Where are we?" Arthur asked, blinking blearily at his surroundings.

"Good question," Ford replied, when the two of them suddenly vanished from the room and found themselves right back where they had come from at exactly the same time they had left. Furthermore, they had no memory whatsoever of their little interdimensional trip.

The chances of that happening weree two oxzillion, six million and three to one against.

----

**From - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com **

**To - EvilBuddies_afterservice(at)naturalhazared(.)com **

**Subject: Re: Delivery**

Treatment? What treatment? Look, I don't need any psychiatric help, thank you very much. All I want is to take over the world.

- Biff Tannen

----

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(.)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**Subject: Re: tips**

I AM trying to do something about it. Apparently the flux capacitor has the capability of doing more than what it was made for.

Marty's in trouble? What happened to him?

I suppose your name is interesting, in a way. And thank you for the music, though I'm not usually into such things as compared to Marty.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com **

**Subject: A photo of someone you like!**

Hi Biff! You would like to see this!

Attachment:

----

**To - coolsunglasses(at)theagents(.)com**

**From : MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com**

**Subject: Revenge is oh so sweet...**

I'm planing a trip to your world.

You'd better start running.

- Scap

----

While everything else was happening, a certain sheep was having a nice time chewing away on the strings of one of Marty's guitars.

"_Baaaaaaaaaa._" ::munch munch:: "_Baaaaaaaaaaaa._"

----

Biff happily downloaded the attachment of Lorraine's picture which someone had sent him. At least, he THOUGHT it was her picture; he didn't bother to read beyond the first two words.

The file finished downloading.

His computer did the Macarena and died.

----

**From - cooly_cooly_sunglasses(at)theagents(.)com **

**To - MrsscapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com **

**Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sunglasses**

Thanks! I'll give you my sunglasses, I promise! They're a really nice purple!

Terrifyingly ugly? But they won't hurt me, right? So how do I get to your multi-verse HQ?

----

**From - coolsunglasses(at)theagents(.)com **

**To - MrsScapSmith/halfelf(at)naturalhazared(.)com **

**Subject: Re: Revenge is oh so sweet...**

Agent Smith (the one with the coolest sunglasses) NEVER runs, pitiful human.

- Agent Smith

----

_TO BE CONTINUED... you know what to do. Review! ^_^_

FNB] Capt. Matt McFly: Port Royal? Wheressat? Anyway, due to...uh... unforeseen circumstances, Marty won't be able to reply to your mail just yet.

Scap: I will NEVER give up on a fic. Once I start one, I will finish it eventually; years or decades may pass, but I will never give up on a fic. Three e-mails; I dunno. Probably, considering that I'm going into mostly prose now.

Anonymous-cat: Thanks for reviewing! Sorry if it's hard to follow. I'll try to make it less so.

Hypercaz: *blinks* Since when were the tears repaired? Oh well. Thanks for your review!

Confused Sophomore/Icy Dragon Claws: Thanks so much for your 9 reviews! They made my day... So to answer everything: I've also forgotten which agent is which. It gets kinda confusing after a while. 'Manure of Doom'? What manure of doom? Yep, the band nerd left their uniform in China. Whee. What Tempo Nazi? Nope, they didn't have e-mail in the 80s. Then again, I doubt they'll have small portable hoverboards by 2015 either. Hill Valley is a strange place. You want purple hats, go take Clara's. And yes, dogs can type... strange are the ways of the Force. Sugar is good. Coffee too. It's Bill and Ted, not Ted and Bill! And they're excellent adventures are most triumphant...

eternal density: Soon enough for you? ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

anna: Nope, they can't meet Michael or he'll sue me. Though that might be kind of cool, if I could afford it... Of course, you could always e-mail him for me and ask his permission. Apparently his e-mail address used to be 'michael(at)' but someone said it doesn't work anymore.

DigiSim: Nuh-uh, I don't know who Tara Strong is. Never heard of her. Have you even watched The Frighteners yet? I've only got the tape, no DVD. Apparently the outtakes are really funny. Sigh. Wish I could see them.

Cathryn: Apparently my fics are hazardous to readers' health. From what I've heard, you aren't the first to get concussions from reading my fics... ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

EternalDensity: You caught me just in time. I was about to post this chapter when I received your e-mails... had to squeeze them in last minute. And the loss of the 'ats' aren't my fault. It's the ff(.)net formatting again.


	15. Neo and Ted's Not So Excellent Meeting

Disclaimer: Bleah.

Whee, fast update again. I wrote this chapter in my head while I was away on holiday and dumped it onto the computer when I got back. I know that by right I should be finishing my holiday homework, but oh well. If anybody knows why iron(II) sulphate solution turns brownish yellow if left exposed to air for a few hours, please tell me. Thanks. My Chemistry worksheet will be the death of me.

Does anyone have a rational explanation as to why the 'Bob the Builder' theme song started playing spontaneously in my head on the airplane flight back, 7 hours into a Pokemon game? Because it did. Weird. And it didn't stop playing until a few hours later when I left the airport.

Anyway, that's off topic. On to the fic... I like this chapter. The gist of all the reviews for the previous one seems to be 'Keith must DIE'.

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL: Chapter Fifteen**

----

"So you're from New Zealand?" Marty asked, staring up at the ceiling as he lay face up on one of the two beds in the room.

"Yeah... Well actually, I just migrated there a few months ago. Before that I lived in North California in a half-built house with a leaky roof. Then one day 70% of the house collapsed after a thunderstorm, and I decided it was better to just move. I didn't exactly have a very good reputation there anyway."

"You didn't have enough money to get a proper house but you could afford to migrate? Where'd you get the cash?"

Frank gave the teen a mysterious look. "That's none of your business," he replied enigmatically, before turning his attention back to the computer he had just switched on.

"Okay... So what's it like over there?"

"Full of sheep," Frank answered simply, clicking on the icon for Internet Explorer. Marty winced, the memory of a certain sheep coming to mind.

"What else?"

"More sheep." Frank accessed imdb(.)com and typed in 'back to the future' in the search bar.

Marty lay on his back for a few more moments before rolling over to his side and burying his head in the pillows. It was no use trying to think of something other than his current situation. It was just as useless to hope that he might wake up the next day and discover that it had all been a dream. Marty knew that no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, everything that had happened in the last hour or so had been completely real, probably more so than his whole life. It was his life that was the dream.

Marty just wanted out. He wanted desperately to go home, and yes, he wanted his mummy. But did she even exist in the first place? Did any of them? Doc, Clara, Jules, Verne, Jennifer, Mr. Strickland, that person who made him donate to the Clocktower, Einie, everybody...

And if they didn't exist, then who was he anyway?

Frank turned temporarily away from the screen to look at Marty, the latter's back now facing him. "You all right?"

The teen didn't reply, and Frank decided it was better to leave him to himself. Besides, he had other things to do. A quick glance at the 24-hour clock next to him told him that it was currently around eleven at night. Perhaps it had been, too, for Marty and Neo - he couldn't be bothered to find out - but it had been early afternoon for him when he'd been so unceremoniously dragged out of his universe, and he was in no mood to sleep just yet. He had research to do.

Hours passed, and Marty soon fell asleep on top of the covers. Frank reached across the table to grab the pen and pad of paper lying there, then got to work learning how to forge Michael J. Fox's signature; he never knew when it might come in handy. It was almost four in the morning when he switched off the computer and got into the other bed, the signature of a certain actor practiced to perfection.

----

**From - robgalkis(at)otheruniversalstudios(.)com **

**To - thealiensarecoming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com **

**Subject: very familiar**

Um, you look exactly like the George McFly in our movie. Odd.

- Rob

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(.)com **

**Subject: more tips **

Hmm, I dunno exactly what else the flux capacitor could do, but you're the Doc, Doc. Marty: he has been grabbed into the real world. You see, unfortunately, your world (and a lot of the others you have been hearing from lately seem to be fictional. Which is a pity. And this guy from the real world (i.e. mine) has invented a thingy for grabbing people out of fictional worlds. He seems to be an evil sort, seeing that he is after money, and does not care about those he has abducted being hurt. So you had better use your genius to its fullest power. Get Clara and the boys to help too, Jules and Verne are pretty smart. Anyhow, if you want to keep a tab on what is happening, see (.)?storyid=13117&chapter=14. Because the whole thing is fictional, see? Hopefully I can try to find this Keith character, and deal with him. Can I have blueprints for your mind reader? Cos perhaps this whole mess only exists in the mind of the author.

- Your fan in time, Eternal Density.

P.S. the technology for grabbing people from other, fictional dimensions must be so advanced, that it might only exist in the future. So perhaps I can stop it before it occurs. However, that may cause a paradox. No chance of my building a time machine: I couldn't afford a DeLorean, and most of them are left-hand drive.

----

Keith led Neo back down the corridor the way they had come, going into the room next to the one Arthur and Ford had just left. Like the other, this room's four walls were all white, and a relatively large piece of machinery took up about half of it. Keith walked over to a computer hooked up to the machine, and started typing away as Neo watched from the doorway.

"Tell me, Neo. You've heard of this person named Ted Theodore Logan, right?"

Neo wondered what that had to do with anything. "Yes," he replied shortly.

"You haven't met him, have you?"

"No. And I don't want to."

Keith hit a final key on the keyboard, the machine started humming, lights started flashing, and a thud was heard next door. The man turned, grinning, to face Neo. "Well, too bad. It appears he's here already. Why don't you go next door and meet him? You finally have the chance to stuff his head down the toilet like you've always wanted to."

Neo hesitated. Something in Keith's tone of voice told him that something was wrong here... why would he be so eager to have him stuff Ted's head down the toilet?

"He's waiting, Mr. Anderson. And I'm waiting too." Keith's had moved slowly towards his pocket, and Neo finally turned and went out the room. Resistance was futile, he knew. And the worst thing was that he couldn't even fight back. Most of the things he had been able to do in his world didn't seem to work here, and without them, he felt strangely vulnerable.

Keith followed him out the door and watched as Neo shoved open that of the next room, seemingly intent on telling Ted exactly what he thought of him and his stupid friend Bill.

Neo stormed into the room, where Ted was currently trying to recover from a feeling of major disorientation.

"Okay. You..."

Ted turned and looked up.

Neo's jaw fell open in mid-sentence as recognition dawned on both their faces.

"Hey, dude!" Ted greeted.

Neo fainted.

----

Emmett checked his inbox and read through his newest e-mail. Marty had been grabbed into the real world? What next? And no, what did that guy think, asking him for the blueprints to his mind reader? The rest of the message didn't make much sense, and the inventor ignored it. Doc clicked on the link in the e-mail he'd just received, and fanfiction(.)net opened up on his screen displaying a nice pretty message on it in big friendly letters: Story Not Found.

Emmett shrugged and forgot about it.

----

**From - the_aliens_are_coming(at)hillvalleymail(.)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**Subject: Re: very familiar**

Really? Odd indeed.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(.)com **

**Subject: nil**

Hee, hee, Biff, that let me get to the next level of "Let's Get Biff". It's a cool game. If you ever fix your computer, you should see this document.

Attachment: It might be helpful.

- Eternal Density

P.S. You didn't even recognise yourself. Why do you think an old man (who can start your car) would give you that book? Calvin Klein is the coolest (particularly in his 'inconspicuous' jacket)

::progresses to level 14 of Let's Get Biff::

----

Verne Brown stared open-mouthed at the complicated machine his father had almost finished building around his computer. Somewhere in it, the flux capacitor was all ready to flux.

"Wow," the boy whispered in awe as Emmett emerged from behind it. "Does it work?"

"It better," his father replied. "Marty might have no other chance of getting home."

Verne suddenly realised something. "Dad... if this thing repairs all the universe tears and stuff, that that mean that I won't be getting all those other movies on the TV anymore?"

Doc nodded, and Verne's face fell.

"You could always try and tape as many of them as possible before I cut off the connection," Emmett said. "You know where all the blank tapes are. Take as many as you want." The inventor paused, and looked down at his son before continuing in a softer tone. "Verne..."

"Yeah?"

"You're not very happy here, are you? You've always liked the future better."

The seven-year-old went uneasily silent, taken aback at the sudden change of subject.

Emmett sighed, and looked out the window from where he was standing. "I know I didn't have the right to make you stay here, and I must admit that everyday I still worry that us merely being here could have serious consequences on the timeline. More than two years ago, I had an excuse to remain here, but after the completion of the time train... Maybe it might be better if..."

Verne couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean we're going to move to the future?"

Emmett turned back to face him. "I know Marty wants me to, but he wouldn't like me arriving ten years late either. The best time would probably be around late 1985 or early 1986, but it won't be easy, coming up with a story that can sufficiently explain how I've managed to get married and have two kids aged seven and nine respectively in the space of just a few months..."

Doc smiled and tousled his son's hair. "But I'll think about it."

Verne's face broke into a grin. Things were suddenly looking a lot brighter.

----

'200 Years of Sports Results'? Biff couldn't believe his luck. Grinning from ear to ear, he happily clicked on the attachment to download it onto his new computer. So what if the word 'virus' was included in the attachment title? It probably didn't mean a thing, like whatever the sender had written under the 'P.S.'.

The spanking new computer finished the download way faster than Biff's old computer had.

It did the Hokey Pokey and died.

----

In a similar hotel room next door to the one Frank and Marty were in, Ted decided to wake Neo the next morning. Neo Anderson was in the middle of a particularly disturbing nightmare when he felt the teen shaking him awake.

"Hey dude, get up!"

Groggily opening his eyes, Neo saw Ted. Suddenly, all the memories of the day before came rushing back to him.

Neo screamed and fell off the bed. Ted Logan winced in empathy, and watched apprehensively as Neo stumbled to his feet and backed away towards the door.

"Get away from me!" Neo yelled, tripped on his foot, and fell.

"You okay, dude?"

"My name... is Neo!" Anderson said through gritted teeth. "Quit. Calling. Me. Dude."

Ted shrugged. "Sure, dude. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes!"

"You don't look okay."

"Shut up!"

Ted shrugged and went to see what was on TV. Neo lay on the floor and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping against hope that all this was just part of the wonderful nightmare he'd been having just a few seconds ago.

----

The sheep in Marty's room went after his towel when he was done destroying the guitar strings of one of Marty's three guitars. He went after the towel because he was a smart sheep, and knew that the most massively useful thing an inter-dimensional hitchhiker like himself could have was a towel. This was a sheep who knew where his towel was.

----

Frank woke up before Marty, despite having gone to bed much later. His internal clock told him that it was about seven in the evening... and to say the least, he was hungry. He was about to go check the cupboards for something edible when Marty stirred and he sat back down on the bed, deciding first to ask the teen about something that had been bugging him for quite a while.

Next to him, Marty opened his eyes and groaned softly upon realising where he was.

"Marty, can I ask you a question?"

The teen slowly sat up in bed and looked at him. "Yeah?"

Frank decided to get straight to the point. "How on earth do you breathe when you sleep like that?"

Marty blinked. "Sleep like what?"

"Like that. Three-quarters on your side, one arm under you, the other arm behind you and your pillow jammed halfway in your mouth. I tried to do that just now and I think I broke something."

Marty didn't know what to say to that, but was saved from coming up with a reply when there was a loud knock on the door followed by a shout.

"Room service!"

Frank got off the bed just as the door was unlocked from the outside and kicked open to reveal a twenty-something-year-old guy of mixed racial heritage like Keith with a food tray in his hand and a grin on his face.

"Breakfast," he said. "The hotel guests never finish all the food so you can have the extras."

"Who are you?" Frank asked warily.

"You know Keith, right? I'm his brother."

"Andrew?"

"Nope. Actually Andrew's our half-brother. He's a 14-year-old twerp who wants to be an actor someday." The youth briefly rolled his eyes. "I'm Adwin."

"Right. Thanks for the food. Can you go now?" Frank took the tray from Adwin and placed it on the nearby table.

"Eat, drink and be merry... for in a few days you shall die," Adwin added with a smirk, before locking the door and leaving. From the other side of the room, Marty came over and stared suspiciously at the food.

"Are you sure that's edible?"

"Probably is. Keith wants to test the possibility of dimensional incompatibility killing us, remember? If he poisons us, it would sort of ruin the experiment."

Marty remained unconvinced. "You try it first, then."

"Fine." Frank bit off an end of a sausage, chewed, and swallowed it.

Marty stared at him. "Are you still alive?"

"I think so. I've died twice before. I know what it feels like." Frank paused, ignoring the strange look the teen gave him upon hearing his last two sentences. "Yeah, I think the food's okay."

----

Sitting behind his desk in his office at the hotel and munching on chocolate chip cookies, Keith was feeling particularly pleased with himself. This was fun. He'd watch them crack, one by one... Marty would probably be the first, then Neo. This all could make a rather interesting study on human psychology, he thought, when Keith was jolted out of his reverie by the sound of the door opening.

Adwin entered and slouched into a nearby armchair. "We're moving in two days. You know that, right?"

Whatever Keith had expected, it wasn't that. "_What?_"

Adwin raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you hear? Andrew's mother wants to migrate home to Singapore. So Andrew and Dad are going with her and they're dragging us along."

"I know. But I thought we were moving next year!"

"That's why you have to keep up with the news more." Adwin reached out to grab a cookie from the table.

"Look, why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"

"I thought you knew! That's all the family has been talking about for the past few months while you were stuck here messing about with your little machine. Everyone's packed except you. The hotel's already sold. Arrangements were made long ago."

"_What?_"

"Dad owns this hotel. He can do what he wants with it. You're lucky he hasn't found out about your little project on the fourth floor. 'Closed for refurbishment', huh?"

"I can't leave _now_! What'm I going to do with the four of them?"

Adwin shrugged nonchalantly. "You could just leave them here. You won't even have to lock them in. It's not like they can go out wandering the streets without attracting too much attention. I think the new owner wants to demolish the hotel anyway, so hopefully the four of them won't notice anything before it's too late and die with the building." He got out of the chair. "Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know."

Adwin left the room, leaving behind a stunned Keith staring in his wake.

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

Cathryn: And this was quick too... The Improbability Drive is a most excellent thing. George can sign a virtual document because if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Uh, what 'accidental slash'? ...never mind. I don't think I want to find out.

Miss Piratess: Yep, poor Marty... I'm almost beginning to feel sorry for him, but for the sake of the fic...

InLoveWithMarty: Hi, I'm saving your e-mail for the next chapter. This one was already getting a bit long. Thanks for reviewing!

FNB]Capt. Matt McFly: Thanks for your review!

Icy Dragon Claws: Nope, I won't give you Keith's address and phone number so you can stalk him. Heh.

Stoko: Thanks for reviewing!

EternalDensity: Yeah, I think I accidentally missed off that bit. Oh well. If Keith has an e-mail address, I'm not giving it to you. What're you going to send him, anyway? I LIKE long reviews, so keep 'em coming. Uh, if you want a flame, just switch on the stove. I used to roast marshmallows over the kitchen stove with my brother. It was fun...

anna: Stuff will happen to them... ::ominous music plays:: ^_^ Thanks for your review! And all the reviews you gave my other fics too.

Anonymous-cat: Okay, I updated soon!


	16. Four Are Together Again

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, never will.

I watched one episode of Family Ties a while ago. It was funny, but I don't think I'll decide to torture Alex and dump him in here as well.

----

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL: Chapter Sixteen**

The food wasn't poisoned, and it didn't take long for Frank to start to see several good points about the whole situation. They had free food and free shelter, in what seemed to be a four or five star hotel too. Of course, the downside was that there was some guy out there who wanted to kill them... but then again, everything in life has a price to it.

"What's that?" Marty asked suddenly, pointing at something in the salad he had been eating.

"What?"

"That," Marty looked about to throw up again. "That small green thing on the lettuce."

Frank looked and saw what looked remarkably like half a caterpillar lying on the lettuce.

"Uh, looks like half a caterpillar."

"_What?_"

Frank shrugged. "I could be mistaken though. But yeah, I think it looks like half a caterpillar. I wonder what happened to the other half. Poor caterpillar."

Marty gave him a very strange look. "Are you sure I didn't eat it?"

"Maybe. It doesn't really matter. Caterpillars are edible. I think." Frank paused, wondering. "No, wait... actually, I kind of remember hearing somewhere that they were poisonous..."

Appetite suddenly gone, Marty pushed his chair slowly away from the table... when he saw another half of a caterpillar lying on the other side of the salad bowl.

Grateful relief coursed through the teen as he pointed out the other half of the caterpillar. "It's over there," he said.

"What?"

"The other half of the caterpillar."

"Oh." Frank poked at the salad, and his eyes opened wide. "Hey, look, there's another half there too! And another one under that tomato..."

What colour Marty had managed to regain in his face abruptly deserted it. "_Two_ of them?" he croaked.

Frank went through the rest of the salad with his fork. "Yeah. But I think that's the lot."

Marty didn't say anything, eyes still on the lettuce watching out for suspicious green things.

"Michael J. Fox is a vegetarian," Frank said randomly, jabbing at the caterpillar halves to see if they would move.

Marty stared at him. "How'd you know that?"

"I was doing research last night on the computer. Jet lag. Couldn't sleep." The caterpillars seemed to be as dead as they appeared, and Frank gave up.

"Oh." Marty paused, thinking he'd seen a fifth caterpillar half, then realised it was just part of another piece of lettuce. "What else did you find out?"

"Stuff. A lot of stuff. I was online from eleven to four." Frank finished eating and went to switch on the computer as Marty spent the time wondering if the green thing he had seen was indeed part of the other slice of lettuce but didn't dare check for fear of discovering otherwise. The computer finished booting up, and Frank double-clicked on some icon. "And I thought you might like to hear this..."

"What?"

"The _Back to the Future_ theme song," Frank replied with a meaningful look at the teen, as the first few bars of the Alan Silvestri music began to play, performed in all its glory by the Outatime Orchestra.

Abandoning his worries about the salad, Marty slowly walked over to the computer. He sat down on the bed next to it and stared at the Windows Media Player window on the screen as the music played its way through to the final majestic crotchet.

For a moment, there was silence in the room.

"Nice, huh?" Frank asked after a while."

Marty nodded slowly, staring down at the carpet. Somewhere outside, a bird fluttered past the window. "I want to go home," he said quietly. "I don't belong here."

"It's not your fault that you're here. Keith made you come, and it's not like you can do anything about it."

The teen didn't reply, overcome with a sudden desperate homesickness for a home he wasn't even sure existed.

Frank, on the other hand, had no real reason to feel homesick. His parents were dead, his wife had been murdered, he was an only child and his girlfriend had been killed when his house collapsed on her. There wasn't anyone he cared about enough to miss, and it wasn't as if anyone cared about him either. Furthermore, he had not much intention to leave the real world until he had learnt exactly how much cash Michael J. Fox had in his bank account and how much of it he could manage to steal with just a signature, a thumbprint, and - if the bank people still weren't convinced - a DNA scan. When life gave you lemons, make lemonade.

The only problem was that Keith wanted to kill him; and he couldn't exactly do all that if he were dead.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(.)com **

**Subject: more tips **

Heya, Doc!

Great to see you putting your mind to it. I don't really know much about temporal dynamics (I'm studying Computer Engineering), so I can't really help. I can think 4th dimensionally a bit better that Marty, but not 11th dimensionally. Not that Marty could even do that, and he may not be able to do that at all if not rescued. Too bad you can't see the fanfiction story, it might have helped a little, but on the other hand, it would be kinda spooky for you.

If you fix everything, moving to the future will probably be a good idea, especially since your family (ancestors, that is) will eventually move to Hill Valley, and you don't exactly want anyone from the future to notice that you are living in the past from old papers or something. Just make sure you keep Jules in line: he can be a bit troublesome at times, eh? I figure he gets it from you.

I don't really think the mind reader would help: I'm stuck on the other side of the world from anyone whose mind might need changing.

Great to talk with such a great inventor. Remember that the future of the universes is in your hand, so make it a good one.

- Your assistant in time (plus a few other dimensions), Eternal Density.

P.S. do you want me to send you a movie clip of your first time travel experiment?

----

**From - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(.)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**Subject: Re: more tips**

No, I don't need you to send me a movie clip of my first time travel experiment, but thank you anyway.

There are both pros and cons of moving to the future, and it's not something that can be decided overnight. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this.

----

All things considered, Ted Logan had to admit that he was actually having a pretty excellent time. He had free food, free shelter, could watch as much TV as he wanted to, and, best of all, he didn't have to go to school. He only wished Bill were there to enjoy it with him, because then at least he'd have someone to talk to. As it was, his roommate didn't say much. Neo had spent the last few hours or so looking extremely traumatised and staying away from Ted, despite all attempts from the teen to start some form of conversation.

Keith had told Ted about everything that was going on, and the man had seemed almost disappointed to discover that it didn't freak Ted out as much as he had hoped it would. After a while, Keith had finally given up trying to elicit some sort of intelligent response from him that would have signified fear, and had left. His last order had been: "And stop calling me 'dude'." Ted had then gone back to watching TV; there was nothing very new in what Keith had said, anyway.

He knew all about the movie _Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure_. He'd even seen it, when he and Bill had been sent into some other dimension thingy by their malfunctioning phone booth time machine. They had crashed just outside a cinema, the phone booth hadn't looked like it was going anywhere anytime soon, Bill had some money, and so they had just gone in to see whatever was showing.

They both thought it really excellent that someone had made a movie about them, although the show had got some things wrong. For instance, the story took place in 1988, not 1985, and he couldn't recall either he or Bill ever sounding so good on the guitar as they did in the film.

----

A few hours later, several things were going on at the same time.

Frank was suffering from jet lag and was zonked out on the bed fast asleep.

Marty was staring out the window contemplating the meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything. He did not consider '42' a satisfactory answer.

Ted was watching the cartoon _Rocko's Modern Life_ on TV as he munched on barbeque flavoured potato chips from the room larder.

Neo was lying on the bed and feeling traumatised. He had also just given Ted explicit instructions not to use the words 'dude', 'bogus' or 'excellent' anywhere in his hearing, but doubted that he had been listening.

Adwin was having spaghetti carbonara for lunch.

Keith had, unknown to the four inter-dimensional travellers, left the hotel and was at home frantically trying to pack his stuff. He also noticed for the first time that the whole house was empty - and had been for about a month - save for the fixed furniture, beds, and quite a few really large boxes stacked in the living room by the main door.

The sheep in Marty's room was curled up next to his bed, the teen's towel draped over its head as it counted sheep in an attempt to fall asleep. Hey, that rhymes!

The author was trying to figure out exactly why iron (II) sulphate turns brownish-yellow when left exposed to air for a few hours, and finally concluded that Chemistry worksheets were evil and not doing them would thwart the Chemistry teacher's plans for world domination.

In short, nothing very much was happening... that is, until Marty got tired of staring out the window, walked over to the door, turned the handle just for the sake of doing so, and discovered to his surprise that the door was unlocked.

Marty just stood stupidly in the doorway for a few seconds, staring dumbly out at the corridor and feeling too stunned to believe that the door was actually open. Not knowing what else to do, he ran back in and shook his roommate awake.

"Hey, Frank! Wake up!"

The man groaned, half-opened his eyes, and closed them again. "Go 'way," Frank murmured sleepily.

"The door's open!"

"Go 'way." Frank clamped his pillow over his ear and ignored the teen, leaving Marty standing there helplessly. He had no idea if the door had been unlocked purposely or whether it had been an accident. For all he knew, it could be a trap and Keith could be waiting outside to do him in if he left the room.

There was only one way to find out, but Marty didn't dare go out alone.

"What's the matter, McFly? Chicken?" he wondered angrily to himself, made up his mind, opened the door and went out.

Outside the room, the place was completely deserted and quiet. Marty walked cautiously down the carpeted corridor, expecting to be attacked at any moment, but nothing happened. It was only when he'd nearly finished exploring the whole fourth floor that he realised he had completely forgotten which room he had started from.

"Perfect," Marty muttered darkly under his breath as he started opening one unlocked door after the other to find his room, "just perfect."

A few dozen doors later...

There were people in the next room. Marty could hear the faint sounds of a television set playing. This door, though, was unlocked as well, and the teen pushed it open to see the last person he would have expected there.

He blinked. "Ted?"

The other teen turned, and his face lit up in recognition. "Hey, you're that dude from the Pinheads, right? Keith said you were here." Ted grinned. "We beat you, dude. The Wyld Stallyns rule!"

Behind him, Neo was still trying to recover from the shock of discovering that the door had been unlocked, and Ted's few sentences had just added to the confusion. "You two... know each other?" he asked, sitting up slowly on the bed where he'd been lying and feeling traumatised.

"Yeah... wait, what's going on here?" Marty asked, a blank expression on his face.

Ted shrugged and went back to watching _The Magic School Bus_ as the other two people in the room just looked confused.

"Where's Frank?" Neo finally asked.

"Sleeping. Jet lag. I think our room's next door, but I'm not sure."

"Go wake him. We might need him if we're getting out of here."

Marty grimaced. "I _tried_. Why don't you go instead?"

"He'd probably be kinder on you."

----

Marty ducked as Frank violently chucked a pillow at his head. "Look, I'm tired, okay?" Frank yelled. "Can't you just let me sleep?"

"Keith's gone!" the teen shouted, picking up the pillow and throwing it back, then ducking as the shot was returned.

"What?"

"At least, I think he's gone."

"Yeah, so go and confirm it first before you wake me." Frank shut his eyes and prepared to return to Dreamland, when Marty creamed him in the head with the pillow.

----

Neo was beginning to feel puzzled. From the sounds of it, there seemed to be a pillow fight going on next door.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**To - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com **

**Subject: nil**

Hi Jennifer! No, I'm not going to bother you. I just want to let you know that there is a sheep (armed with a towel) which needs to be let out of Marty's room. He would appreciate it. Don't worry about Marty: Email Doc to find out about him (no, it wasn't Doc's fault this time). I dunno who this Piper is, but I know that you and Marty deserve one another (if that makes you feel any better). Subnarconian Nitrate is probably explosive.

- EternalDensity

----

**From - Delo88(at)HauntedLevelCrossingsClub(.)net **

**To - Everyone(at)Hilldale(.)com **

**Subject: nil**

Hi! I am the ghost of a departed DeLorean! I've come to haunt your little railway, suspended just out of the plane of reality (so I'm all transparent and bright blue!). Isn't that nice? Now I can make random sonic booms to get revenge on that Loco from running me over!

Mua haha ha ha.

----

**From - everyone(at)Hilldale(.)com **

**To - Delo88(at)HauntedLevelCrossingsClub(.)net **

**Subject: Re: nil**

HI DELO!

Yes, that's really nice, so could you please stop haunting the level crossing now? People are scared to live in Hill Dale because of you.

THANK YOU, DELO!

----

**From - jen_parker241(at)yahoo(.)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(.)com **

**Subject: Re: nil**

Thanks. But why would there be a sheep in Marty's room? I won't be able to get it out today, though. I'm going to visit my grandparents.

- Jennifer

----

Marty was in the process of literally dragging Frank out of bed as the latter clung possessively to the headboard.

"This is probably the only chance we have of getting out of here," Marty said, trying to sound convincing.

"Later."

"Neo told me to get you."

"I don' care," Frank mumbled sleepily. "Leggo my legs."

Sighing, Marty complied and yanked his hands hard. Frank Bannister yelped and fell off the bed. "What'd you do that for?" he hollered, rubbing the hand he'd landed on.

Marty smiled.

About a minute later, both of them were waling out of their room, Frank grumbling away about how it was two in the morning where he came from and how would Neo like it if he woke him up at that time? Marty wisely decided to keep his mouth shut. They entered the next room, whereupon Frank headed happily for the bed and lay down with his eyes closed. Marty poked him to check if he was still alive, and Frank duly responded by whacking him over the head with a pillow.

Neo reached over for the remote control and turned off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Ted yelled, but everyone ignored him. Neo vaguely muttered something that sounded like, "Too bad," then stared over at Frank.

"Are you awake?"

Frank replied with a look that somehow managed to successfully convey the message: "It's-two-in-the-morning-where-I-come-from-and-how-would-you-like-it-if-I-woke-you-up-at-that-time?" before closing his eyes again.

"You can't fall asleep on us," Neo said, keeping his eyes on Frank and simultaneously using one leg to kick Ted as the teen tried to reach for the remote control. "We've all got to do something about what's going on here before Keith..."

Frank had just about had all he could take. Sitting suddenly up in bed, he glared at Neo. "Look, pal. It's TWO IN THE MORNING where I come from, and I'm TIRED, and..."

Ted lunged once more for the remote control and Neo kicked him again. "It's three in the morning where I come from," the latter said nonchalantly.

Somehow, that remark managed to hit home in a way nothing else could.

"Oh," was all Frank said, and then he shut up.

Marty very wisely decided not to reveal the particular fact that the time where he came from and the time in the real world were almost in sync, which meant that he was not only perfectly awake but also hungry for lunch.

According to _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, every major Galactic Civilization goes through three distinct stages that can be referred to as the How, Why and Where phases. The first is characterized by the question, "How do we eat?" the second by the question, "Why do we eat?" and the third by the question, "Where shall we have lunch?"

According to author of this fic, the answer to the first question is that you put the food in your mouth, the answer to the second question is that because if not you will die, and the _Guide_ happily supplies the third answer as being 'Milliways - The Restaurant at the End of the Universe'.

According to Marty McFly, he couldn't care less about what anyone else said. All that he knew that there was only one major question currently bugging him - "_When_ can I have lunch?"

And so it came to pass that out of the four people sitting in that little hotel room, two were craving for sleep, one was craving for TV, and one was craving for lunch - and all this was happening in a time and place where they could be killed at any moment.

Humans are basically a very strange species.

_TO BE CONTINUED..._ Please review!

----

HyperCaz: Argh! Sorry for not replying to your previous review... I don't know how on earth I missed it, considering that it had the words 'Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect!' in loud caps. =D My classmate lent me all five books of the Hitchhiker's series, and I've just started on the fifth book. There IS a movie being made on the first book; to be released somewhere in 2005. Go to imdb(.)com and see for yourself. And don't forget to bring a towel...

Anonymous-cat: Some are being pushed forward to the chapter when Marty finally checks his e-mail. I'm still trying to figure out when that will be. Sheep are good. Thanks for reviewing!

Scap: Yup, the game is the same one you created. Thanks for reviewing!

Cathryn: I'm not sure how funny that was supposed to be either. ^_^ And for the second last paragraph of your review - Which part was that? I remember writing it, somehow, but I can't find it... Oh, and Adwin will become more evil than Keith in the sequel. *SPOILER* Anyway, thanks for your review!

Stoko: You're the second person who's told me to put in Mike Flaherty... Okay. Tell me everything about Spin City. It airs at 3 am in the morning here, and I haven't seen a single episode.

anna: That's really strange, considering that I've only seen The Frighteners only twice and The Matrix more than ten times. Whee. Neo can be a wimp if he wants to, especially when Ted is around. This fic takes place between The Matrix and The Matrix Reloaded, so... Thanks for your review.

EternalDensity: Marshmallows are good. ^_^ What's with the DeLorean's e-mail? To answer your question: Doc's device thingy is in sync with Marty's, so when one day passes for Doc, one day passes for Marty too. And the other dimensions have their own time, so the years are different. And yes, that is totally bogus of you. Go read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It's an extremely lame book.


	17. No One Can Hear You Scream

Disclaimer: The usual.

Relatively short chapter... it was this or a really long chapter. As it was, I decided to split it up into two. Whee. No, the second part hasn't been written yet. I'll try to finish this fic by the end of the year - I'm guessing it will be about 22-25 chapters long - because if not, it'll never be finished until 2006. I have my GCE O Levels next year, see, and I have to study.

My Chemistry teacher appears to have forgotten all about the worksheet. So the reason why iron(II) sulphate turns brownish-yellow in outside air will forever remain a mystery.

I'm starting a novelisation of this fic entitled _Real World_. The storyline is slightly different, though the general idea is there. Sneak peek of the first two chapters is available at (.)com/skywater_.

**Chapter Seventeen: No One Can Hear You Scream**

The four of them had talked. Not much, but enough to assess the situation and get an idea of the choices available.

Frank could have almost laughed at it all. Everything was so simple, and yet not. They could just walk out of the hotel right now - all four of them - and nobody would stop them, but then what? It wasn't as if they could all just go walking along the streets without attracting too much attention and too many awkward questions they couldn't answer. Escaping was the easy part. What they did after that was the hard part.

In an unlocked hotel room, Keith had them completely trapped and he knew it.

What was probably worst of all was how everything looked so normal. If they tried hard enough they could even imagine that they were just on some holiday somewhere and that was the hotel they were staying in. Through the window could be seen parts of a completely normal looking city filled with normal buildings, normal roads, normal people. The kind of place no one would have paid them a second look in had they been back home. But here, all they had to do was walk out and who knew what would happen?

To put it simply, that would be a stupid thing to do. People would be sure to stare. It wasn't everyday that you saw fictional characters walking down the street. They would have to split up, for sure, if they went out of the hotel - if ever. But even that didn't eliminate the risk of being besieged by crazy fans wanting autographs from who they wrongly supposed were their favourite movie stars.

Keith had them totally trapped.

After splashing cold water on his face, Frank had been able to feel somewhat more awake than before, but the effect was already wearing off and he could feel his exhaustion creeping up on him once again. Marty and Ted were hungrily digging into the last packet of potato chips in the room, and Neo was staring at the ceiling. At first, Frank thought that the man was thinking, until he too noticed the lizard up there. The said lizard scampered its way across the ceiling, lost its grip, and scrabbled wildly in the air as it fell down dangerously close to the open bag of chips.

Frank was beginning to have doubts about the cleanliness of the hotel.

Across the room, the teens got up and went next door to look for more food to satisfy their hunger, as it didn't look as if lunch would be served anytime soon. Neo followed them out but turned right instead towards the lift lobby on that floor. He wondered if there were still customers in the hotel; the display numbers showing the lifts moving up and down proved that to be true.

Neo started to leave, when there was a 'ding' sound and a lift door opened next to him. Standing inside was a little boy of about five years old whom we shall call Rupert. He had been supposed to wait for his parents to enter the lift to go to their room on the seventeenth floor, but he had forgotten to hold the 'open door' button and the lift hadn't waited. Scared, Rupert had hit all the numbered buttons in the lift, including the one for the fourth which had a sign that said 'Closed for Refurbishment' in big friendly letters next to it.

Neo stared at Rupert, and the boy's eyes widened, his mouth falling open. Then the doors closed, and the lift happily made its way to the fifth floor, followed by the sixth, the seventh, and so on all the way to the seventeenth. When it finally arrived there, Rupert stumbled out into the arms of his parents who had been wondering exactly where their son had got to and if he had fallen into the toilet again like last time.

Rupert wasted no time in reporting his strange encounter. "Mum, Dad, I saw Neo!"

"Who?"

"Neo Anderson! The guy from _The Matrix_! He was on the fourth floor, I saw him!"

Rupert's mother muttered something about the unhealthy number of times he had seen that movie.

"The fourth floor?" his father asked. "Isn't that the one that's closed for refurbishment?"

Rupert shrugged. "I don't know. But I saw Neo, I really did!"

His mother sighed. "You can't have seen him, Rupert. He's not real. It's just a movie."

"But..."

"I think we should cut down on the amount of television you've been watching lately."

"But I SAW him!"

Rupert's father shook his head, a small smile on his face. "Nice one, son. I just remembered it was April Fools' Day today."

"But..."

"And anyway, I think Keanu Reeves has better things to do than walk around a hotel on a floor that's closed for refurbishment." "But..."

"Forget it, Rupert."

"But..."

The boy cast a last look at the lift he had exited from, now merrily making its way from the twenty-second floor to stop at the twenty-third, and the twenty-fourth, and the twenty-fifth... Rupert scowled. He'd seen Neo, he KNEW he had.

Meanwhile on the fourth floor in Room 436, Frank Bannister had fallen asleep again.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com **

**To - jenparker241(at)yahoo(dot)com **

**Subject: sheep**

Yeah, you would be at your grandparent's place! It's a good thing you go there a lot, or otherwise you might not have written on the back of that clocktower flyer, and you know what that would mean... That aside, there is definitely a sheep in Marty's room: it came from another dimension. Just ask Doc about that. But get it out soon. Marty will appreciate that greatly. Thanx.

~Eternal Density

P.S. Want a virus to sent to your enemies? It's called the BluetoothPirate virus. Piper might like to test it for me...

----

Jennifer is currently at her grandparent's place and can't reply.

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com **

**To - i_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**Subject: nil**

Hi Lorraine,

In case Jennifer doesn't stop by anytime soon, would you mind letting a sheep out of Marty's room? It is causing a bit of trouble in there. Thanx.

P.S. I just wrecked Biff's computer! Twice! Cool, huh? If you want any viruses, just ask. I've got a cool one called the BluetoothPirate virus.

~Eternal Density

----

The aforementioned sheep had meanwhile woken up. Using Marty's towel as a kind of parachute, it jumped out his window and floated down at a tremendous speed.

"_Baaaaaaaaaaa_OW!"

The sheep then proceeded to make its way over to Doc's garage, dragging the towel behind.

Seconds after its departure, Lorraine entered Marty's room. He wasn't there, although the place was even more of a mess than usual and pieces of wool could be seen littering the floor here and there. Lorraine shrugged and decided to just tell Marty to pack his room. He was probably hanging out at Doc's garage again.

----

**From - I_love_calvin_klein(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com **

**Subject: Re: nil**

Sheep? What sheep?

Thanks, but I don't think I want any viruses. There isn't anyone I want to send one to at present. But it's cool that you wrecked Biff's computer twice.

----

It was there. The page had loaded, the main page of the Hill Valley website. Marty almost cried at the familiarity of it all. The site existed. Which mean that Hill Valley and everyone in it still existed too.... for the time being, at least, until the portal closed.

Why hadn't he thought of trying this earlier? Marty wondered briefly about that, then realised that it was because Frank had been hogging the computer all the time. The teen gratefully logged onto his e-mail account. There were a couple of new messages waiting for him and he opened them, before sending out his SOS to Doc.

----

**From - HotForMartyMcFly(at)aol(dot)com **

**To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**Subject: Your True Love in 2004**

Marty, I hear you're in the present time. That's exactly why I wanted to write you this email, you see, you being 17 in 1985 and all, our possibilities of having a relationship are almost zero, due to the huge age difference now. I'm seventeen now, and so are you, so there's nothing to worry about. Ever since I was seven, all I've dreamed about is being with you, and marrying you, and finally disposing of that terrible wretch Jennifer. You seriously can do better, and I think that better is me. ::wink:: Of course I bet you're busy, but next time you're in L.A stop by at my place. So what do you say, will you be my boyfriend? I think you're kinda cute and all ... ^_^ Love ya!

PS: Think you can bring a hoverboard for the first date? Hey, mind telling Doc about me, or any other cute boys from 1985 that time travel I can hook up with? Eh? ^_^

----

Marty stared. First Pip, now what? How did all these people always seem to know where he was... in a daze, he typed his reply.

---- **From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**To - HotForMartyMcFly(at)aol(dot)com **

**Subject: Re: Your True Love in 2004**

Uh... hi...

Sorry, but I'm not disposing of Jennifer ever, so no, I won't be your boyfriend. I don't think I'll be in L.A. anytime soon too.

I don't have the hoverboard with me. Doc has it.

Sorry.

- Marty

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**To - buttercupsucks(at)aol(dot)com **

**Subject: Re: nil**

Yeah, the site was scary.

You're welcome.

- Marty

----

**From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com **

**To - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(dot)com **

**Subject: HELP!**

Doc, I hope you can get this. There's some psycho guy named Keith holding me and three others captive in some other dimension. It's the same one the bttf(.)com website came from.

Get us out of here, please! I don't know how much longer we have to live. Reply ASAP.

- Marty

----

It was probably the hardest e-mail message Frank had ever composed in his life, but he managed somehow, although when he read back through it again he had to admit that it didn't sound very convincing. He just hoped it would have to do; at least there was still some hope, no matter how small, that Michael J. Fox would believe him and perhaps find some way to help the four of them. Perhaps. If he did, Frank would promise to leave his cash alone.

Marty and Ted entered, having finished watching an episode of _Barney and Friends_ in the other room for lack of anything better to do.

"What're you doing?" Marty asked.

"E-mail."

"To?"

Frank hesitated, wondering if he should tell him. "MJF," he finally said.

Marty raised an eyebrow.

"Look, I know it's not going to work, okay? But it couldn't hurt to try..."

Ted glanced at the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen and nodded. "Yeah, it's not going to work, dude."

Frank sighed. "I KNOW. No one would ever believe..."

"Nope. Not that. Look at the date on the screen."

They looked.

_April 1st, 2004_, it displayed happily in big friendly letters.

"It's April Fools' Day, dude," Ted said nonchalantly, turning to stare at a lizard crawling along the ceiling towards Neo.

It took a moment for the words to sink in... and when it did, Frank swore really, really loudly.

Neo was rudely jolted awake by the noise. Above him, a certain lizard was similarly affected, decided to fall off the ceiling, and landed on his head.

"AAAAAHHHH!"

----

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com **

**To - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com **

**Subject: even more tips**

I think you can use information from that connection device to locate the harmonics whatnotsits of my dimension (in which Marty and others have been stranded by that evil Keith) and use them to adjust the flux capacitor asymetrically so that it sends you into this dimension. Just make sure you can easily adjust it back! As for sealing the rips, I don't know much about that, so I'll leave that up to someone else. Maybe Clara knows something about sewing up rips: Jules and Verne must get plenty of those. If you need any assistance in locating Keith or knowing his plans, just ask me. Ok? I'm here to help you.

If you want any viruses, just ask. I've got a cool one called the BluetoothPirate virus. You could use it on some of those annoying gals who are bothering you. I'll send it next time if you like.

~Eternal Density

P.S. Do you know exactly why iron (II) sulphate turns brownish-yellow when left exposed to air for a few hours? Are marshmallows good? That may be useful for bribing the author. No, I'm not crazy, and I don't think you are either.

----

Andrew Fong ran another search through his half-brother's office, getting more and more frustrated by the second. Where on earth had Liz gone? His pet lizard had run away before, it was true, but never for this long... and in a huge hotel like this, who knew where she could be?

Andrew scowled. Adwin had promised to look after her for him, but if an open container marked 'That Stupid Lizard' located next to an empty food tray was any clue, Adwin hadn't been doing a very good job. Didn't he know that lizards could climb?

The 14-year-old sighed and swivelled around in Keith's chair, finally turning to face the desk and switching on the computer. It would be the last time he ever came in here; the plane left the next day and most of the hotel keys had been turned over to the new hotel owner. Logging onto bttf(.)com with the knowledge that the Internet fees were no longer being charged to his family, Andrew spent a nice time on the message boards, completely oblivious of the fact that the main character from his favourite movie was currently just three floors above him.

----

**From - outatime_elb(at)yahoo(dot)com **

**To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com **

**Subject: Re: even more tips**

I know the dimension they are in. Now it's just a matter of locating exactly where in it they are.

Those 'annoying gals' have finally decided to leave me alone, so it might be better if I avoid all contact with them completely in case they decide to come after me again. I don't know why iron (II) sulphate turns brownish-yellow when left exposed to air. I'm a physicist, not a chemist. As for marshmallows... what do they have to do with anything?

----

If they ever went out, Frank decided that he'd be the one to go. He was probably the least inconspicuous of the four of them, but you never know...

----

_TO BE CONTINUED... Review! Thanks. The reviews have been getting less currently..._

Stoko: Okay, I looked at the episode guide, but it didn't help much... I can't download any movie file because it'll be too big and rack up a huge Internet bill. And they've stopped showing the series here too. Oh well.

EternalDensity: Wondering why you keep sending two reviews... you're the same person, right? Either way, it doesn't matter. ^_^ You should read a lame book because it's lame. Hey, you're reading this, and it's lame, so... Yeah, not many people are e-mailing anymore. Actually, you're the only person e-mailing still. Doc didn't do anything in this chapter because I forgot about him. And time passes differently between dimensions. Yup, Frank is evil. Muahaha. And the dictionary definition pop-up-thingy-when-you-type-'d' keeps happening to me too. The title WAS inspired by a Famous Five book title. I thought no one would notice. Oh, and thanks for the (at) thing. It works. ^_^

Dark Helmet: Well, there're some people who think the opposite, so I guess I can't please everyone... I admit that the later chapters aren't as funny.

HyperCaz: What's Douglas Adam's middle name? His initials are funny. DNA. =D Do you know that they released the first book as a bath towel too? Oh, and do you have any idea who Martin Freeman is? He's the guy playing Arthur Dent, and I don't know what he looks like. Imdb(.)com doesn't have a picture.

anna: MJF is way richer than Frank. So... uh, I dunno. Thanks for reviewing!


	18. To Tame The Unknown

Disclaimer: The usual. Wait, did I say that in the last chapter? Hmm… can't remember…

Okay, this chapter is long. Really long. It's the longest chapter in the entire fic – just under 5000 words – which is kind of ironic because I was expecting it to be really short. Which says a lot about my sense of judgement.

At the current rate the fic is going, I think it'll end at twenty-five chapters. I'll miss you guys. I'll miss the fic too, though I suppose there's still the novelisation-in-progress.

I'm not sure what's going to happen to my other fics, now that apparently script-format stories aren't allowed. FFN's already removed one of them and I don't dare get another one taken off too. I'll probably put my script-fics up on my website one of these days and continue them from there, with update notices on bttf(dot)com…

There was a really bad typo error in the last chapter which changed the entire meaning of a sentence, and why I'm telling you this I have no idea.

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

There was a McDonald's across the road from the hotel, and Frank decided that that should be his first destination. The four of them pooled their money together and discovered they had enough for several Big Macs with fries and Coke. Marty and Ted were still hungry, despite having finished off a lot of potato chips. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Think big.

"Uh… I don't suppose any of you have sunglasses, right?" Frank asked, pocketing the cash. "So people won't recognise me so easily…"

Neo hesitated, then reluctantly dug into a specially modified pocket and emerged with a pair of really cool sunglasses. "Here. But you better not lose it… Are you listening to me?"

None of them were; all had been completely entranced by the sight of the really cool sunglasses, which were really cool, though not as cool as Agent Smith's ones as those had built-in television screens. Neither were they as cool as the ones with a mini air-conditioning system attached, nor the ones that played the Barney theme song when you pressed a button.

But they were still really cool.

Frank blinked. "Huh? Oh. Yeah. Thanks." He reached out a hand to get them, put on the sunglasses, and grinned. "Cool."

"If you break them, I'll kill you," Neo added casually as Frank headed out the door.

"Hey, can you lend me the sunglasses later?" Ted asked.

"No."

Marty picked up a pen that was lying on the table, looked at it, and put it down again for lack of anything better to do. "So what're we going to do until he gets back?"

There was a few seconds silence… and then Ted started singing.

"A hundred green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
A hundred green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
And if one green bottle were to accidentally fall  
There'll be ninety-nine green bottles  
Hanging on the wall.  
Ninety-nine green bottles  
Hanging on the wall…"

Neo groaned and resigned himself to a long, long wait.

"And if one green bottle were to accidentally fall…"

Neo went over to the computer, still on, and decided to do some random Internet surfing. He'd tried hacking into the system earlier that day, but apparently things didn't work the same here and all he'd managed to do was to change Keith's Neopets account password to 'yabbadabbadoo'.

Which wasn't really a very helpful thing.

"Ninety-seven green bottles  
Hanging on the wall…"

Neo went to imdb(dot)com and typed random things into the search bar. This gave him a lot of negative results, so he decided to type more meaningful things into the search bar and learnt that the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie was coming out in 2005, starring Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent. He typed more stuff into the search bar.

"There'll be ninety-six green bottles  
Hanging on the wall."

Marty went over to the next room to see if there was anything he could do over there. There wasn't, and he came back. The teen flipped open the cable TV guide and started to read.

"And if one green bottle were to accidentally fall…"

Neo went to yahoo(dot)com and typed not so random things into the search bar.

"Ninety-five green bottles  
Hanging on the wall…"

Neo grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and got to work learning to forge Keanu Reeves' signature; he never knew when it might come in handy.

"There'll be ninety-four green bottles  
Hanging on the wall."

Marty spotted Michael J. Fox's name somewhere in the TV guide, freaked out, and closed the book. He spent about two pointless minutes absent-mindedly drumming out the rhythm to the song against the bedside table, then joined in the singing.

"Eighty green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
Eighty green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
And if one green bottle were to accidentally fall  
There'll be seventy-nine green bottles  
Hanging on the wall."

* * *

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com  
To – ilovecalvinklein(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com  
Subject: nil sheep**

Um, the sheep took off just before you looked in Marty's room. It's at Doc's place now, but I don't suggest you go over there.

Have you ever asked Biff and his gang exactly where Calvin Klein was at every moment during the E.U.T.S. Dance 30 years ago, and what he was wearing? Do it some time: they'll get extremely confused! They deserve it. Do you know the e-mail addresses of Biff's gang members? I might just send them a little surprise!

- Eternal Density (a friend of Doc and Marty)

**From – ilovecalvinklein(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com**  
**To – EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com  
****Subject: Re: nil sheep**

No, I've never asked them… why would I want to? I knew where he was all the time.

Match's e-mail address is 'matchonfire(at)firebrigadedudes(dot)com. I don't know about the rest.

* * *

Really cool sunglasses on, Frank entered the lift whistling, then jabbed at the button for the first floor and waited in silence as the life slowly descended down the four floors. Had it been a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter in the headquarters of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the lift would have been delighted to go down. As it was, it was just a normal lift and couldn't care less about which direction it was made to go in. 

The lift lobby on the ground floor was near empty, and not many people paid much attention to Frank when he got out of the lift. People getting out of lifts happened all the time, after all. As it was, only one person was staring at him any more than necessary.

His name was Rupert.

Mouth hanging open, the boy tugged at his father's sleeve. "Dad…"

His father was busy filling up a form at the hotel counter, and was slightly irritated at being interrupted. "_What_?" he asked, not turning around.

"Is that…"

Rupert's father heaved an exasperated sigh. "WHO? Neo again? Luke Skywalker? Mr. Spock? Marty McFly? I'm _busy_, Rupert!"

That guy did kind of look like Marty, but Rupert didn't think it was a good idea to say so and shut his mouth.

Frank exited the hotel, trying to appear as innocent as possible as he headed in the general direction of the McDonald's building. He couldn't help but notice several people starting to stare at him.

They made him nervous, and he looked away. Some of the people on the other side also started staring at him and whispered among themselves. They also made him nervous, and Frank was about to just run off somewhere else when someone tapped him on the shoulder from behind and made him jump.

The person was a teenage boy dressed all in black staring intently at him. "Sorry," he started with a slight smile, "but… uh… can you tell me where you got those sunglasses? They look just like the ones from _The Matrix_, and I think they're really cool!"

All around Frank, people were nodding in agreement, looks of awe on their faces as they stared spellbound at his really cool sunglasses.

Frank was so going to kill Neo when he got back.

"So… where'd you get them?" the youth asked again, hopefully.

"They cost me three million dollars, kid. I don't think you can afford them." The traffic lights chose that time to turn, and Frank thankfully ran across the road muttering darkly under his breath. He took off the really cool sunglasses and stuck them in a pocket. He'd probably attract less attention that way, ironic though it seemed.

The group of people who had been staring at him quit staring at him and started staring at his pocket instead where the really cool sunglasses were. Meanwhile, another group of people started staring at him instead.

Frank was getting really, really nervous. The McDonald's was not that far away. He'd go in, get the food, and leave. That seemed like a good plan, and he was about to start carrying it out when another person tapped him on the shoulder and made him jump again.

A teenage girl smiled shyly at him. "Excuse me… are you Michael J. Fox?"

Frank ran.

* * *

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com  
To - HotForMartyMcFly(at)aol(dot)com  
Subject: Re: Your True Love in 2004**

Would you just leave my friend alone? He's in enough trouble without you adding to it. Just stay out of the way. And don't go around telling your friends about this either. Great is the power of the email virus!

Eternal Density, a friend of Marty

* * *

"Thirty-two green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
Thirty-two green bottles  
Hanging on the wall  
And if one green bottle were to accidentally fall  
There'll be thirty-one green bottles  
Hanging on the wall." 

Marty had been watching the clock; they were singing at a rate of approximately six bottles per minute.

Frank leaned against the side of the McDonald's building, happily licking away at the free chocolate ice cream one of the McDonald's staff had given him in exchange for an autograph. He had tried putting on the really cool sunglasses again a while ago, and had been paid $20 by some crazy _Matrix_ fan for letting him try them on.

Frank changed his mind. He was beginning to like this place.

* * *

**From - stoko981(at)hotmail(dot)com  
To - bifftannenrules(at)wehatemanure(dot)com  
Subject: Greys Sports Almanac**

Hey there Biff, how've you been these last 30 years? Remember me? Calvin Klein? Well it just so happens I'm back in town, and I just wanted to say thanks for that Almanac, it's left me in the lap of luxury. Here's a crazy idea, you wanna meet up? Catch up on old times, maybe have a little bet? If you decide you wanna, I'll be at the Lone Pine Mall, just near the entrance, but I'll be in a costume (some old friends are throwing a costume party, you were invited right?). Anyway, just look for the guy dressed up as a security guard, that'll be me. Anyway, hope I see you,  
Calvin "Marty" Klein (yes, -that- Calvin Klein)

**From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com  
To - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com  
Subject: lots more tips**

Hiya Doc.

I see you got Marty's message, so you know I'm telling the truth. Keith's family kinda owned a hotel, in which he had been secretly keeping the people who he had grabbed from other dimensions. However, they have sold up and are moving real soon. You'll hafta ask Marty exactly where they are. Unfortunately, it is April Fools' Day here now. Perhaps you could use that to your advantage. Watch out for lizards on the ceiling.  
Your tip-off in time, Eternal Density

* * *

"One green bottle  
Hanging on the wall  
One green bottle  
Hanging on the wall…" 

_Finally_, Neo thought with relief. It was high time that stupid song was over.

"There'll be no green bottles  
Hanging on the wall."

A few seconds of blissful silence followed. Neo reached out for a bottle of water on the table and drank. He was thirsty.

"A hundred green bottles  
Lying on the floor," Ted started.

Neo coughed on the water and turned round in incredulous indignation to face the singers. Marty grinned and joined in the second part of the song. He was bored.

"A hundred green bottles  
Lying on the floor

And if…"

Marty and Ted looked at each other.

"And if…"

"And if one dumb person were to kick one out the door…"

"YEAH!"

"There'll be ninety-nine green bottles  
Lying on the floor.  
Ninety-nine green bottles  
Lying on the floor…"

Neo stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. The teens grinned and high-fived each other.

Frank gleefully counted the money he'd managed to collect so far. He had a hundred dollars, just from letting people try on the sunglasses. He hoped that Neo wouldn't mind, though… there weren't _that_ many fingerprints on the lenses after all.

* * *

**From – flieingorengepepars(at)zionvege(dot)com**  
**To – everybody(at)thematrix(dot)com, everybody(at)zion(dot)com, everybody(at)theagents(dot)com  
****Subject: WE IS HERE.**

We is de flieing orenge pepars, un we is comeing to gets you! You cans not run froms us, humanz! We wills brake yor sunglasis! De rily koole wuns! We is orenge un we cans fly, un we is de flieing orenge pepars!

- De Flieing Orenge Pepars

* * *

It was a costume party, and so if Biff wanted to go unnoticed he better dress appropriately. He didn't have much choice in his wardrobe, though, and decided that his Really Cool Purple Hat should suffice. 

Calvin Klein wouldn't know what hit him, Biff thought with an evil grin as he drove up to the entrance of Lone Pine Mall. Strange, the place was kind of empty, not at all like a party… but hey, there was Calvin! The guy dressed up as a security guard, just like he said he would be… He must have come early. All the better. At least no one would be able to stop him from giving that Calvin what he deserved.

Getting quietly out from his car, Biff crept up towards the security guard, his Really Cool Purple Hat placed firmly on his head and a large wooden baseball bat placed firmly in his hand. Biff slowly raised the bat over the guard's head, then brought it down with a crash, narrowly missing his target.

Biff swore, and that together with the crash was enough to make the security guard whip around in surprise along with all the shoppers near the entrance of Lone Pine Mall. "What the…"

Biff barely had time to blink before the guard grabbed his bat and knocked him out instead.

* * *

Outside Room 436, Neo leaned against the closed door and shut his eyes, trying to block off everything. From the room, strains of a song about ninety-six bottles lying on the floor reached his ears and he tried to ignore it. 

Neo didn't know what to think. I didn't seem that long ago when the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar had dragged him out of the world as he knew it, plunging him instead into some strange future place run by machines, which they claimed was the real world. And then, just as he was finally getting used to that and the fact that he'd never be able to eat another McDonald's burger again, Keith had to drag him out of _that_ world into another that _he_ claimed was the real world.

Exactly how many 'real world's were there, anyway? How did he even know that this one was the real one? Why did he keep ending up in strange Twilight Zone-y situations like this? Whey was he asking all these questions?

Neo half-expected Rod Serling to walk out of nowhere and give the television viewers an introduction to the weird life of one Thomas 'Neo' Anderson and his no-where-near-brief journey through that mysterious place known as the Twilight Zone.

But Rod Serling didn't appear; he was dead, after all.

The song in the room had reached eighty-seven bottles and was showing no signs of stopping just yet. In fact, the rate had increased to seven bottles per minute.

And that was another thing. Ted scared him, scared him big-time, scared him like no one Neo had ever known or thought he would ever know. Theodore Logan was, without a doubt, the freakiest person he had ever had the unfortunate chance to meet. He didn't like what the teen implied that he too was capable of, of the potential he had to be as much of a clueless idiot as Ted was. Well, fine, so maybe he already was a clueless idiot, because if any word could describe how he currently felt, it was 'clueless'. Here he was, grabbed out of the life he knew and dumped into some weird dimension where he - if he were to leave the hotel - would most probably be mistaken for this actor whose name he couldn't even prounounce.

Neo wanted so desperately to leave this place. Part of him wanted to just dash out of the hotel into the streets right now and just run… somewhere. Anywhere. But that would be an idiotic thing to do. He and Ted probably had more in common than he dared to dare imagine.

The teens were at eighty bottles and going strong.

There was a 'ding' sound, and Frank walked out of the lift, carrying a bag of food in his left hand and munching on French fries with the other. Seeing Neo, he moved the bag over to his right hand and used his clean on to take out the really cool sunglasses. "You could have warned me," he said, returning the sunglasses.

"What?"

"I went out wearing those, and everyone within a five mile radius started staring at me because they thought the sunglasses were really cool. Kind of defeated the purpose, if you ask me."

Neo stared down at his really cool sunglasses. "Why are there so many fingerprints on them?"

Frank decided that it was better not to answer that particular question and instead pushed open the door and entered the room.

"Seventy-five green bottles – oh, hi." The singing stopped, and Frank gave the teens a very strange look as he dumped the food onto the table. Neo walked in behind him, using a special (and really cool) sunglasses cloth to wipe away the fingerprints of uncertain origin on them. About two seconds later, he decided to forget it and go after the food instead. Neo didn't know how long ago it had been since he had last eaten a McDonald's burger. Come to think of it, he never had. Those hadn't been real burgers, but ones created by the Matrix.

It didn't matter. A Big Mac is a Big Mac is a Big Mac, and Neo happily devoured the two flame-grilled patties, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese on a sesame seed bun.

No, this fic was not sponsored by McDonald's.

"So what took you so long?" Marty asked, going over to the table to grab a burger.

Frank gave a non-committal shrug. "That's none of your business," he said after a while, trying not to think too much of the $100 in his wallet that he had 'earned'.

"Is this Pepsi?" Marty asked, lifting up a cup.

"No, that's Coke."

"Oh." Disappointed, Marty put the cup back down. "So where are we?"

"L.A."

Marty suddenly remembered the e-mail that strange girl had sent him and shivered. Frank gave him a strange look, then continued eating. "Pass the fries, Ted."

The teen reluctantly passed them over. On the ceiling, Liz decided that Marty's head would make a nice landing spot. The lizard mentally calculated the angle at which she should kick off the ceiling, taking into account wind speed and direction.

Liz adjusted her trajectory and jumped.

Marty moved.

Liz hit the ground and swore.

Wiping his hands clean on a serviette, Marty scooted over to the computer and logged into his e-mail. To his disappointment, Doc hadn't replied… but he supposed that chances of that happening in such a short time were minimal.

"Look, I'm leaving this on, okay?" he asked, swivelling around in his chair to face the others. "If Doc replies, just tell me."

Random nods of assent met his request. Liz ran frantically around on the ground, wondering where her tail had gone.

* * *

**THE HILL VALLEY TELEGRAPH  
****Madman Tannen Strikes Again**

Yesterday afternoon, people at the entrance of Lone Pine Mall were shocked to see a man attempt to beat up Security Guard Williams, 32, on duty that afternoon. The man in question was Biff Tannen, 47, who earlier this year had been found threatening murder outside a police station.

Williams managed to overpower him and knock Tannen out, and the latter is currently being held custody at the Lone Pine police post while police decide whether or not he is a threat to society.

It was noted that at the time of the unsuccessful attack, Tannen was wearing a bright purple hat on his head. I know that newspaper reporters like me are supposed to be objective, but I still cannot deny the fact that the said hat was really cool and really purple. According to Tannen, it can be ordered online at

It is uncertain if Tannen can be considered a mental threat at this point, although taking into account his previous acts, police are inclined to think so. Tannen was also heard referring to Williams by the name 'Calvin Klein', saying that he had invited him through an e-mail.

As this is the second time Tannen has claimed that an e-mail told him to do something, we would once again like to urge the public to not blindly follow what e-mails tell you to do.

The flight had been delayed a day due to unforeseen circumstances, the nature of which Keith could not care less about. It was probably the best news he'd had in those past few days. Technically, the hotel no longer belonged to his family, but he figured no one would really mind if he just went back to complete an unfinished business on the fourth floor.

* * *

**From – sweeminperpelcarots(at)zionvege(dot)com**  
**To – flieingorengepepars(at)zionvege(dot)com  
****Subject: WE IS HERE TU.**

No! Flieing orenge pepars ees stooped! We ees here fehst, we ees goying tu keel yu. We can sweem an we ees perpel, an we ees da sweemin perpel carots. We tayk relly cule sunglasis, nod yu.

- Da Sweemin Perpel Carots

* * *

The four of them spent the rest of the evening lounging around Room 436 and feeling very bored. At one point, Marty and Ted decided to continue their green bottle song from where they'd left off, but were stopped two bottles later by Frank holding up an evil looking pillow in a very scary manner and threatening to throw it at them if they didn't quit singing. 

Their monotony was only broken by a brief visit from some two-headed guy named Zaphod Beeblebrox, the President of the Galaxy in some other universe, who appeared out of nowhere via the help of the Improbability Drive. He stared blankly at them for roughly five seconds. They stared blankly back. He spontaneously combusted and disappeared. The Improbability Drive again, voila.

It was around eight-thirty when Neo got up and said that he was going outside, he didn't care if anyone saw him, it was dark anyway and besides, he had the really cool sunglasses. Frank was about to make some comment on just how inconspicuous the really cool sunglasses made a person, then decided that it was too dark to really matter and merely advised Neo to take the stairs down instead of the lift. In the end, Neo ditched the idea of using the sunglasses because they had too many fingerprints on them and he couldn't see clearly with them on.

"Oh, and I really don't think you should do so," Frank added, "but there's this girl working at McDonald's who'll give you a free ice cream in exchange for an autograph."

Neo left the room and went down to the ground floor via the staircase. On his way down, some guy who was climbing up to the third floor saw him and fainted. Other than that, though, nothing of much interest happened.

Upstairs, Frank decided that he was bored and wanted to go out too. He left by another staircase, leaving the two teens alone in the room.

Some things are inevitable.

"So… where'd we stop at? Seventy-three, right?"

"Yeah."

"Seventy-three green bottles  
Lying on the floor  
Seventy-three green bottles  
Lying on the floor  
And if one dumb person were to kick one out the door  
There'll be seventy-two green bottles  
Lying on the floor."

Around nine-o-clock, Marty felt tired and went over to the next room to sleep. He hadn't exactly rested well the previous night. Having nothing else to do, Ted left the room, made his way down the staircase, and thought he'd go to see where the other two guys had gone.

Neo was standing against the wall just outside the hotel, staring out at the nighttime traffic as it moved by. Ted walked up to him and leaned against the wall.

"Hi," the teen greeted.

Neo turned to look at him. "What're you doing here?"

Ted shrugged. "Marty went to bed and I was bored, so I thought I'd just come to keep you company 'cause you looked kind of lonely."

Several seconds of silence passed between them.

"Thanks," Neo said quietly after a while, and the two of them stood there together in the dark, tasting the freedom just out of their reach and dreaming, for the umpteenth time, of home.

When they returned to the hotel back through the stairs, the guy who had fainted had just regained consciousness. He saw them and fainted again.

Neo kicked open the door to Room 436 and went over to the computer, which was beeping insistently: Doc had replied.

**From –** **outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com  
****To – futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com  
****Subject: Re: HELP!**

Marty, I can get you out now. I just have to know exactly where you are in that dimension. 'A hotel somewhere' isn't descriptive enough.

Please reply asap.

- Doc

Neo sat down and typed.

**From – futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com**  
**To – outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com  
****Subject: Re: Re: HELP!**

Dr. Brown,

Neo Anderson here. Marty's asleep, but I'll tell him about your message later.

We're at the Kenselton Hotel in L.A., fourth floor, rooms 436 and 437.

Thanks.

Neo hit the 'send' button, when all of a sudden a bloodcurdling scream pierced through the air.

* * *

Meanwhile: 

Frank strolled along the streets, remaining unnoticed for the most part. Somewhere along the way, he was hit with the crazy idea to just run away in any direction as far as his legs would take him, but it was stupid and he knew it. Sighing, he headed back to the hotel the way he came.

The place looked nice from the outside, the letters 'The Kenselton Hotel' lit up against the night sky. The lobby appeared empty enough, so he made to go through there instead by the back way. A car pulled up to the hotel, and he glanced over at it.

Nothing to be worried about, he thought, until Keith got out and stared in stunned astonishment at him. "Where do you think you're…"

Frank ran.

Keith shut the car door shut with a bang and gave chase as Adwin drove away. Adwin was only doing this for the money Keith promised to give him. He would have much rather stayed at home; it was his last night there, after all, and _Jurassic Park_ was on TV.

* * *

Meanwhile: 

_Night time. Peaceful, dark._

_No light for a long way, save the warm glow from the windows of the mansion in the distance. Marty looked towards it. Beneath his feet, a long dirt track stretched out, leading through the grass all the way to the mansion's front door._

_A light breeze ruffled through his hair as he started to walk along the path. Dark forests clung in the background, their secrets a mystery to all but those who lived within._

_Silence._

_Just the sounds of crickets chirping, the rustle of leaves and Marty's footsteps one after another._

_He reached the porch and looked up at the huge wooden door, mahogany with gold trimmings. Slowly, he turned the knob. The door opened, and Marty stepped in into the light. The door closed softly behind him without a creak._

_A well-furnished room. The house of someone very rich, but no one was around besides him. Strains of gentle music reached Marty's ears as he padded through the mansion's carpeted hallways, each room lit with the same warm, homely glow._

_No one else was there. No one at all. He was all alone._

_"Doc?" Marty called out tentatively. "Clara?"_

_No reply. The teen's footsteps took on a slightly more hurried pace. "Mum? Dad?"_

_No reply. He was all alone._

_"Dave? Linda? Jules? Verne?"_

_Panicking now, Marty raced through the catacomb of corridors, each as silent and beautiful and deserted as the next._

_"Anybody? Hello?"_

_Marty ran up and down the rooms, desperately flinging open every door he came to._

_No one else was there._

_He was all alone, all alone, all alone, all…_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Marty jolted out of bed, heart thumping. Who had screamed? It had sounded like him, but he didn't recall… Marty hit on the beside lights and looked over to the other bed.

Frank was gone.

Fearing the worst, the teen jumped out of bed, opened the door, and rushed out into the hallway. Frank was on the ground, a terrified look on his face, and Keith was standing over him with the strange pain-causing device in his hand. Neo and Ted had been brought out too by the screaming, and they stood in the doorway of their room not knowing what to do.

Keith grinned evilly at the three newcomers to the scene. "I'm back."

"I thought you were supposed to leave us alone!" Frank yelled. "How about all that stuff about dimensional incompatibility and all that?"

Keith shrugged. "Change of plans. Apparently my father sold this hotel, so I can't continue with my experiment here and I'll just have to get rid of you before you get discovered by the new owner.

Neo was beginning to sorely miss his guns. They had somehow been left behind when Keith took him. "So you're just going to kill us?"

Keith appeared to think about it for a moment, they he shook his head. "Nah. He will," he replied, pointing at Frank.

"Wha…AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

HyperCaz: DNA died because he was working out at the gym to try and be healthier… the irony of it all. Humour/angst is fun! D It's my favourite genre. My Minesweeper fic is humour/angst too, you can read it if you want… I actually considered putting Stuart Little in (hey, I was young then), somewhere in the early chapters of this fic, but as you say, it'll be far too weird. Arthur Dent looks stupid. That's good. I heard Martin Freeman was in The Office too, and I guessed which one he was from the picture in some review of the series. He was the stupidest looking one, whee.

Anna: I've got this thing against stealing too, but it's just a fic, so… Thanks for your review!

Stoko: Heh, nice e-mail to Biff! It's fun to torture him.

Anonymous-cat: A sheep could use a towel for a parachute because if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Rupert is stupid. Stupid is good. I suppose they could go out since it's April Fools' Day, but so what if no one believes them? The people who saw them would believe themselves… Thanks for reviewing!

Kleenexwoman: What's MAD Magazine, anyway? I've heard of it, but I'm not sure what it is… I'm already novelising this, though there will still be e-mails.

Eternal Density: Maybe you scared them away… Yep, saw you at the bttf(dot)com boards. I told my classmate that you reviewed this chapter three times, and she thought that you were crazy. I think so too.

Ed-Man: Yeah, dude! You're back! Thanks for your review!


	19. So Long, and Thanks 4 All the Ice Cream

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Okay... I'M BACK! Finally. I finished all my exams yesterday, whee! So now I can write my fics again.

Sorry if this chapter is shorter than the previous (which was really, really long) but I'm almost done with Chapter Twenty too, so I shouldn't take long to post that one.

Right. After getting Anonymous-cat's review, I have to ask this: How many of you have NOT yet seen The Matrix, The Frighteners, or Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? (I assume you've all seen BTTF. If you haven't...) If you want, I can put an outline of all three movies in the next chapter so at least you have a better idea of what's going on.

One last thing; my little brother would like all of you to go read his fics and review. His penname is Jake Skywalker. He kept bugging me to advertise his fics while I was trying to play The Sims yesterday. (I made Keith. Doesn't look anything like him. He's a nice guy. He has 9 family friends.)

* * *

**

Chapter Nineteen

**

From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

To - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com

Subject: Hello again!

Hey, Doc, sir. I'm attempting to construct a Flux Capacitor, and I was wondering if the Flux Dispersion output was relative to the exponential intake of Plutonium's nucleai Gigawattage?

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

-----

From - outatimeelb(at)yahoo(dot)com

To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

Subject: Re: Hello again!

No, the flux dispersion output is not relative to the exponential intake of plutonium's nucleai gigawattage. Plutonium alone cannot produce that kind of energy... why are you asking me all this?

-----

November 1895 

Hill Valley, California

Emmett had been working on the time train that whole time, even way before learning of Marty's disappearance. His family scarcely saw him much anymore. When he wasn't in his laboratory, he was in the adjoining 'secret room' of the house - the place where all the futuristic stuff was kept - tinkering away with the communication device that had started it all.

He knew he couldn't use the DeLorean, and the main reason why this was so was a logistics one. There simply wasn't enough space. Three people seemed to be the maximum that could be squeezed into the car, and according to Marty, there were four people waiting to be rescued; with Doc included, it would make five.

But there was also next to no way he could land a colourful flying train in L.A. in some foreign dimension where it wasn't supposed to exist and not attract unwanted attention. It was this that led him to developing a cloaking device for the machine. With the help of future technology, he got it done pretty quick.

The next problem was giving the train the capability for dimensional travel to specific dimensions. The inventor spent a good amount of his time staring at the computer's early records of where each e-mail message had come from, paying particular attention to the unique readings for each different dimension.

Somehow or other, he programmed those readings into the computer that controlled the train time machine and made it such that in addition to being able to go to the time it was programmed to, the train could also travel to any selected dimension... at least, until the portals closed.

It was true that dimensional travel would still be possible after that - he and Marty had experienced it before, anyway - but on a much smaller scale, to parallel dimensions and alternate realities closer to their own instead of some far flung world so vastly different from what they knew to be true. Even then, Doc doubted that he would make use of the dimensional travel capabilities of the machine once it had accomplished what it had been created to do, for fear of reopening the tears in the space-time continuum.

At last, it was done. All that remained now was to hope it worked. After saying goodbye to his family - Verne begged to go along too and Clara finally relented - Doc and Verne got into the train.

"I'm coming, Marty," Emmett said softly, as he powered up the train, activated the cloaking device, entered in the coordinates for the Real World, and flew off into the unknown with his son.

-----

From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com

To - matchonfire(at)firebrigadedudes(dot)com

Subject: paid help wanted

Hi Match,

Would you be a buddy and help me out? Some extremely sensitive computer files have accidentally come into my possession, and I need to dispose of them. They are from the IRS database and are highly dangerous. I need you to destroy them for me.

Just copy the attached file onto a floppy disk, and place it in your microwave oven. Turn the microwave onto the highest power, and run it for 88 seconds. That should completely erase all the data.

If you do this and send me a picture proving the damage, I will send you a prinatable copy of 1.21 Million. Don't worry about the data falling into the wrong hands because I have encrypted it heavily. Could you please do this great deed for society?

Thanking you, Eternal Density.

Attachment: resistance.zip

-----

From - ED(at)specialbottledeliveries(dot)net

To - , trinity(at)thematric(dot)com

Subject: upcoming delivery notification

Hi Bill and Trin,

This is E.D. from SBD. I would like you to be aware that we will be making a delivery to your absent friends. Could you hold these deliveries until they return? I'm sure they could appreciate it. Delivery date: Tomorrow  
Order number Recipient Product Amount 1 'Ted' Logan green bottle 100 2 'Neo' Anderson green bottle 100

Thank you for your attention.

E.D.

-----

Day Two  
Kenselton Hotel  
The Real World

Keith beckoned down the corridor they had come from that first day - a day that now seemed so long ago, but in reality it had been just slightly more than 24 hours since they'd first arrived. "Move," he said.

None of the three budged.

Keith took out a dangerous-looking pistol and pointed it at Frank's head. Presumably he thought it looked way more menacing than some barely-eight-centimetres-long device that had the ability to severely aggravate the sub-atomic particles of anyone or anything not from this dimension.

"Move," he said again.

They moved.

Frank was doing his best to suppress the urge to run as they made their way down the corridor. He couldn't afford to take any chances, not when there was some psycho guy threatening to blow his brains out. He didn't have many doubts over whether or not Keith would be willing to pull the trigger. He didn't even think Keith considered them human in the first place.

Which was precisely the point. Keith didn't. He knew the four of them weren't real, so he didn't have any qualms whatsoever about killing them off if he felt like it. Especially in this case, when he needed to before the new hotel owner found them, something that had the potential to lead to a lot of very awkward situations.

People killed off fictional characters all the time, after all. Writers, moviemakers, computer gamers, storytellers... He couldn't get sent to jail for murdering four movie characters. Keith was just doing what so many others did regularly. It was just on a more 3-D level for him.

And he was enjoying himself. It all seemed so... real. Keith had always wanted to know what it was like to brutally kill somebody, and now he could do it without harming anyone at all. He grinned in a psychotic, Ford Prefect sort of way, giving Frank the unnerving feeling that he was about to go for his neck.

They turned a corner, and Keith motioned them into the room they had first arrived in. He shut the door behind them, and stood with his back to it as he contemplated the best way to carry out his objectives of getting rid of the four now unwanted experimental subjects.

"Okay," he started. "I could just shoot you all right now, but that won't be fun, will it? So instead I'll give Frank here the gun, and he can do it for me."

Frank snorted. "Oh yeah? And what makes you think I will?"

Keith smiled evilly. "Because if you don't, I'll make your three friends die a very long and painful death, starting with Marty. You've got no idea what my little device can do... So it's your choice. You can give them a quick and painless end, or watch them suffer. And don't even think of shooting me. If you so much as point that gun in my direction..." Keith took out another pistol. "You die. Then they suffer."

-----

Trinity and the rest of the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar had been wondering for ages just where Neo had got to. He hadn't left the ship; that was for sure, because they had been moving all the time. Just when they were about to give up the search, someone suddenly spotted something coming up on radar.

It was getting closer... and then they saw it, a ship with several words printed on the side.

Trinity stared. "Special Bottle Deliveries," she murmured under her breath. "What the..."

-----

Meanwhile, somewhere in San Dimas, Bill Preston suddenly heard a knock on his basement door.

"Ted...?" Jumping off the sofa, he rushed to the door and swung it open. To his disappointment, standing there was some guy with a few crates of something.

"Hi, I'm from Special Bottle Deliveries," the guy started, "and I was supposed to bring this order of one hundred green bottles to this address for Ted Logan..."

Bill stared. "You know Ted? Hey, where is he?"

"Well, I'll just be leaving the bottles here for him then." The SBD man left for his delivery truck. Bill watched him enter the driver's seat, then ran up to him.

"Hey, wait... where's Ted?"

The SBD man shrugged. "I don't know, kid. I just work here." He powered up the truck's engine, and drove away for his next delivery.

-----

Keith was really enjoying himself. Placing his second gun back into his coat pocket (plenty more where that came from), he took out a bunch of handcuffs. It was always good to take precautions, he thought, and he had come prepared. He definitely couldn't afford one of the other three deciding to make a run for it or doing something else rash. Taking out three from the bunch, Keith tossed the rest aside and called out to the seemingly most harmless person in the room.

"Hey, Ted," he said, reaching out to pass over the handcuffs. "Cuff those two for me, will ya? Then do yourself after that."

Frank was desperately trying to think up an escape plan that didn't involve lightsabers, weapons of mass destruction or Keith spontaneously combusting. He couldn't think of anything. His brain didn't seem to be working too well, possibly due to having a pistol pointed at it.

Uncertainly, Ted approached Keith and paused before the latter's outstretched hand. The teen glanced back at Marty and Neo, looked at the gun at Frank's head... and he made a decision.

The next few seconds seemed a blur as several things happened at the same time.

Ted lunged at Keith and got him on the floor.

The gun went off.

Frank fell.

Marty screamed.

Keith kicked out and sent Ted sprawling onto the ground.

Neo rushed over and jumped Keith, and the two of them started fighting as Ted struggled to get out of the way. Ignoring them, Marty scrambled frantically over to his friend's still form, where a small pool of blood had already begun to form.

"Frank?"

Frank groaned, and Marty gave a sigh of relief.

"I think he got my arm."

"Yeah... looks like it... Ew, gross. I can see the bullet."

Behind him, Keith pinned Neo against the wall and smirked. "Welcome to the real world, Neo. You aren't so fast any more, are you? You can't defy gravity or do any other kinds of weird stuff... Over here, Mr. Anderson, you're only human."

Neo glared back at him, fierce determination in his dark eyes. "So are you."

He pushed off from the wall, and the two continued their battle in the centre of the room. Keith got Neo against the wall again and held him there, taking out his second pistol with his other hand. Keith grinned. This was fun.

"Goodbye, Mr. Anderson," he said, cocking the trigger... when the door flung open, and the unmistakable barrel of a 2035 model Neutrino Quartz 3000 Laser Blaster was pointed at his head.

"Put down the gun," the newcomer said.

From his corner of the room, Marty slowly lifted up his head and stared, not daring to believe his eyes.

"DOC!" he yelled, leaping off the ground and dashing over to Emmett, the most welcome sight he had seen in days. Emmett briefly turned his head to look at his young friend and smiled, gun still levelled at Keith.

The latter was in shock. Pistol slipping from his grasp to clatter on the floor, Keith stumbled back, shaking his head in disbelief. "No... this can't be happening," he muttered. "You can't be here... no way..."

Ted stared at him. "Yes way," he said, bashed Keith in the face, and watched with great satisfaction as the man fell unconscious to the ground.

Emmett glanced at the four in the room, then walked over to Frank's side and crouched down. "Do you think you can walk?"

Frank winced in pain. "Yeah, I think so..." Slowly, he stumbled to his feet, gripping his injured shoulder with one hand as Marty moved forward to support him.

The teen took one last look around the room. This was where it had all started, and this was where it was going to end. On the ground a slight distance from him, Keith's unconscious form lay unmoving.

It's over, Marty thought, joining the other four in leaving the room. It's finally over.

Outside, Adwin stared in horror as the group made their departure towards the stairs. A look of fear crossed his face as he rushed into the room to his fallen brother. "KEITH!"

He was alive, Adwin discovered with relief. Going over to the room opposite to grab a glass of water, he splashed it over Keith's face to revive him. The cold shock of the water brought him back into consciousness, and Keith groaned. His head hurt. Vaguely he wondered just what had happened, when he remembered.

"Where'd they go?" he asked, suddenly alert.

"They left about two minutes ago. The rescue party came for them."

"Rescue party?"

"Dr. Emmett L. Brown."

Keith remembered the futuristic gun. "Oh. Yeah."

"So it's over, right?"

Keith hesitated. "I suppose so... Listen, don't ever tell anyone about this, okay? Not even Andrew. Promise? This never happened. None of it."

Adwin nodded solemnly. "Okay."

-----

Match glowed with pride as he read the e-mail he had just received. Someone trusted him to dispose of some extremely sensitive computer files from the IRS database? Highly dangerous ones too? With glee, he copied the file over into his floppy disk, then removed it from the CPU and rushed over to the kitchen. _1.21 million, here I come,_ he thought.

Yanking the door of the microwave oven open, he chucked the disk in and slammed the door shut. His face a mask of concentration, he set the microwave for the highest power and turned the dial to 88 seconds.

Wait... he'd forgotten something. Rushing back out of the kitchen, he grabbed his expensive new camera with the expensive new film in it. It would give him a real good picture, good enough for the million he was going to get...

Match started the microwave and watched with extreme interest as the casing of the floppy disk started smoking. He went in a little closer and switched on his camera.

-----

From: NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

To: lukeskywalker(at)jediacademy(dot)edu

Subject: Me again...

Okay, okay, you can't leave your students, but can you give me any kind of tip to know whether or not I'm gifted in the ways of the Force?

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

-----

From: lukeskywalker(at)jediacademy(dot)edu

To: NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

Subject: Re: Me again...

There are certain devices that can measure if someone is Force-sensitive, but I doubt that any of them are available to you. Just go try staring at a candle flame or something and see if you can manipulate it with the Force if you want to know. I don't guarantee anything.

- Luke

-----

From - NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

To - sologuy(at)wookieland(dot)com

Subject: I think we're related...

I have a picture of myself I thought you might want to see... I think there's a striking resemblance. Rather scary, as I'm playing you in a movie called "Star Wars Episode 7!" Could we be related, Captain Solo, sir?

Link: http:img59(dot)exs(dot)cx/my(dot)php?locimg59&imagefixflynn(dot)jpg

Regards,  
Doc Lathrop Brown

-----

From - sologuy(at)wookieland(dot)com

To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com

Subject: Re: I think we're related...

You should go talk to Luke. He's the one who keeps going on about some movie called Star Wars.

No, I don't think we're related. I haven't heard of you before, and if you've come from some alternate universe, it's no wonder.

-----

**THE HILL VALLEY TELEGRAPH**  
Fire caused by floppy disk in microwave 

Yesterday afternoon, a large fire broke out in the outskirts of Hill Valley that lasted seven hours and destroyed five acres of prime arable land. Twenty fire engines were called up to put out the fire, and by the time they were done, much of the area had been rendered unrecognisable by the blaze.

Remarkably, there were no casualties.

The cause of the fire was discovered to be a floppy disk in the microwave. The person responsible wishes to remain unnamed, although it seems to be that he was once a good friend of one Biff Tannen, who was featured twice this month in the Hill Valley Telegraph for two similarly stupid actions. Which just shows the importance of mixing with the right crowd.

* * *

They were most probably never going to come back again, and Neo didn't like the idea of wasting an opportunity he would very likely never get again. Besides, he was hungry.

Really cool sunglasses on in the hope that it would cause fewer people to recognise him, Neo walked casually into the McDonald's across the road as the others waited with Verne in the cloaked train. Had he known, however, that a _Matrix_ fan club was currently having their monthly meeting at a few of the tables there, he would have probably not have gone in.

As it was, the members of the aforementioned club stared open-mouthed as he entered.

_Maybe the sunglasses had been a bad idea after all,_ Neo thought uneasily, remembering what Frank had told him.

So he took them off.

The mouths of the members of the _Matrix_ fan club dropped open even further.

Swallowing nervously at the many stares he was attracting, Neo decided to just get to the point of his dropping by and leave as soon as possible. "Uh..." he started, "who was it that was giving out free ice cream in exchange for an autograph?"

* * *

"You got FOURTEEN ice creams?" Marty asked, blinking at the tray that Neo brought in.

Neo shrugged. "I could have got more, but I ran away and they couldn't catch me."

Emmett sighed. "And how, may I ask, are we going to eat all of them?"

"I can manage three," Verne offered helpfully like the good kid he was.

Frank looked longingly at the ice cream, unable to take any. Besides the fact that the blood on his fingers from the wound probably wouldn't go too well with vanilla and chocolate, he didn't dare to let go his arm in the fear that it might drop off or something. Marty offered him several licks from the teen's own ice cream, but other than that he got nothing.

Doc didn't eat any either. Verne took the three he said he would, then spent the rest of the time staring in wonder at Neo, who was getting more and more uncomfortable with the minute, what with the boy staring at him like that. Verne had seen The Matrix off one of those weird channels their television set had been getting, and he loved the movie.

Emmett went to the back of the train and came back carrying a piece of cloth, made it into a makeshift sling, and passed it over to Frank before getting into the driver's seat and powering up the hover circuits.

"I'm taking Frank home first," he announced. "Just in case that wound is anything serious. I doubt it, but you never know. And I think it would be much better if the bullet was taken out."

"What are you gonna say happened?" Marty asked Frank, as the ground started dropping away from the train.

"I could tell them I fell..."

"And landed on green bottles," Ted chipped in. "A hundred of them." He caught Marty's eye and the teens grinned.

"Thirty-two green bottles  
Lying on the floor.  
Thirty-two green bottles  
Lying on the floor  
And if one dumb person were to kick one out the door  
There'll be thirty-one green bottles  
Lying on the floor."

Neo decided to just concentrate on his second ice cream and ignore the animated singing as best as he could, though it got progressively harder as Verne joined in as well with much enthusiasm.

The train hit eighty-eight, and for a moment the song was drowned out by the sound of not three, but four sonic booms as the machine ripped through the space-time continuum and departed forever the skies of the real.

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED..._ It's not over yet. Nope. Review! 

HyperCaz: Keith is just a poor, misunderstood individual... What d'you mean, everyone on fanfic has watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? I don't know anyone who's seen it! Tell me who they are! Uh... it's a 1980s time travel movie with a bunch of BTTF references in it. (BT blowing up an amplifier with their guitars and then discovering that they're late for school constitutes a BTTF ref, right?) Yep. And it's really funny. Go watch! What show on community radio? And yeah, there's a first time for everyone... sorry, though, I'm pushing your e-mail forward to the next chapter when Marty checks his e-mail.

Anonymous-cat: No, it's not a mind-controlling device... I never thought about that, though. Good idea. Hmm. The sheep WILL be back. Soon. I just don't know when. And you JUST saw The Matrix? What the... And you've been reading this fic all the while? Okay...

kleenexwoman: Haven't been to Borders for a while, though; and I'm not sure that MAD Magazine is available here. Is it only in the US or something?

Eternal Density: Love your e-mails... D Why does everyone keep saying that Frank is evil?

Doc Lathrop Brown: Yup, they're still valid. Star Wars Episode 7 as in The Bunsen Burner Strikes Back?... ignore that. I should show my mother your picture. Your room looks way more messier than mine. But maybe my table is messier. Things fall off occasionally on their own accord.

Kackie L. Saunders: Thanks for your review! Yeah, I read your fic; I replied to your thread on I'll go check out The Thirteenth Floor on one day.


	20. PIZZA!

Disclaimer: Same as the last chapter. And the chapter before that. And the chapter before that. AND the chapter before that... 

Yay, fast update! Well, actually this chapter was already three-quarters done at the time of the last chapter. 

I downloaded Mary Jean Holmes' BTTF Sim Skins, and Marty is good friends with Keith. My brother's Sims invited Marty over to their house, and he fell asleep on the staircase so everyone upstairs couldn't go down to school or work the next day because he was blocking their path. My brother said that that was the last time he was going to invite Marty over. 

Anyone knows any obscure BTTF fanfic sites that I probably haven't heard of yet? I'm out of BTTF fan fiction to read... now I spend my fanfic reading time hanging out at billandted(dot)org/stories(dot)html. It's called 1980s-time-travel-movie-fanfic-craving. 

**They've Got Mail: Chapter Twenty**

The train arrived in Frank's universe around seven in the evening there, and they were flying in the skies just above the east coast of South Island in New Zealand. The two teens and Verne fell asleep as they made the journey to the outskirts of Christchurch, and Neo was left to finish off the ice cream. They were his, anyway, and besides, those were the first ice creams he had taken in his life. The others had all been fake, so there was not much harm in taking a few more. 

Frank was sitting in front with Doc, gazing out the window at the bright blue sea below. He'd be home soon. The pain in his arm was already less intense. Frank glanced back at the three fast asleep, and turned back to Doc. 

"I can let them stay at my place for a while," he offered softly, so as not to wake the others. "I doubt they'd have the energy to go anywhere for the moment." 

Emmett nodded consent. "Thanks." 

It was strange, Frank thought, looking at Doc. The inventor looked exactly the same as he did in the movies... Here he was, talking with a movie character and flying in a time travelling train as if there were nothing at all weird with that, and yet, in some other universe, he was fictional too. 

What was real? That was the question. 

Behind him, Neo had finally had enough of the ice cream. He'd managed to finish four without getting his fingers sticky, too. Taking out his really cool sunglasses from his pocket, Neo proceeded to wipe the fingerprints off them with the really cool sunglasses cloth. For the umpteenth time, he wondered just what Frank had been doing with them to get them that grubby; he should have told him to handle them better. 

Those sunglasses were a collector's item, one of the few that had been salvaged from the ruins of a designer sunglasses company after the machines had destroyed the building; the sunglasses had then been kept at Zion for goodness knows how many years, before the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar and several other ships had got their hands on them. These were the sunglasses that the ones in the Matrix had been modelled after. Agent Smith's sunglasses, Agent Happy's purple sunglasses, Neo's sunglasses that he wore when plugged into the Matrix - all these and more had been created based on the pair he now held in his hands. (He had the coolest looking pair of the lot because he was The One.) 

And the coolest sunglasses in the world had been defaced by a whole lot of fingerprints. Neo painstakingly wiped the lenses clean until they shone, then moved his way down the handles before carefully replacing them in his special really cool sunglasses pocket. 

A curious bird drooled as it stared at Neo's pocket from outside, and seconds later was a bloody mess on the front of the locomotive. 

Moral of the Day: Curiosity kills the bird. 

Frank's home was an ancient looking mansion that looked like a typical haunted house of the kind that nobody in their right mind would even think of entering, let alone living in. 

"You live here?" Marty asked sleepily, stepping out of the train after being recently woken up. 

"Yeah," Frank replied, using his good hand to unlock the gate with a set of spare keys he took out from behind a bush. "It was the cheapest place I could find. No one else wanted to live here because everyone says its haunted, and the dealer was desperate to get rid of it. I even got all the furniture along with the house..." 

"So is it really haunted?" Verne asked. 

"Yep. But the ghosts are kinda friendly, once you get to know them. One of them's Bob, and the other's Eddie. Nice guys." 

Frank apparently didn't notice the really strange look that Marty was giving him. If he did, he didn't comment on it. 

Inside, the house was a veritable mess and reminded Marty of how Doc's garage used to look. Papers and other sorts of random stuff were strewn all over, and to one side as a computer monitor on screensaver mode. Frank made his way over and shook the mouse, causing the screensaver to shut off and reveal Neo's last e-mail message to him. He logged off and shut down the computer. 

"Sorry for the mess... it's much cleaner upstairs," he said. "Ah... you can sleep wherever you like, just don't touch the blue Chesterfield sofa because that's Eddie's sofa and he's kind of overprotective of it. There's food somewhere in the kitchen if you're hungry, and you can use the computer if you like... I'll just let the guys know you're here." 

Frank went up the staircase and yelled to the two resident ghosts. "Hey, some friends of mine are here, so don't scare them away, okay? ...I just got shot, it's not... no, I won't be dying anytime soon... It's a long, long story... yeah, don't worry, I told them about your sofa... Right, see you later." 

Frank came back down the stairs. "Okay, that should be all..." 

---- ****

From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com 

To - NESrocks(at)hotmail(dot)com 

Subject: nil 

Try hollowing out your fridge and connecting the magnetron of your microwave into it. Then climb inside and switch it on. You'll certainly travel somewhere. 

E.D. 

(Note to readers: don't try this at home) 

---- 

Doc drove Frank over to the nearest hospital in the latter's new car, bought second-hand at some shop. Despite being second-hand, though, the shiny BMW was in fact less than a month old. Frank had bought it when the previous owner claimed that it was haunted, and then he made friends with the ghost. 

The others turned in for the night, sleeping in the same room upstairs; despite what Frank said, none of them fancied being apart with Bob and Eddie on the loose. 

It was about four in the morning when Ted suddenly woke up. For several seconds, the teen lay there on this random sofa he had found, and wondered what had woken him. Then he noticed that the desk light on the nearby table had come on, and there was something moving above it. Curious, he got off the sofa, walked over to the table, and sat down. 

The thing moving was a pen, and as Ted watched, it wrote a word on the piece of paper below it. 

_**Hi.**_

Ted blinked, then picked up another pen and wrote a reply. 

_Hi. _

**What's your name?**

Ted. 

**Left-handed?**

Yeah. 

**What were you doing on my sofa?**

Ted looked back at the sofa he'd been sleeping on. And for the first time, he noticed that it was a blue Chesterfield. Eddie's sofa... 

_Sorry, dude, he wrote back. _

**Sorry isn't enough. Nobody touches my sofa except me. Especially after that time when...**

What time? 

**A few years ago it vanished. And then the next day, it just appeared again. But I know someone had been on it. I could tell. That was the sofa I died on. I can tell when someone's been on it.**

Sorry. I didn't know it was your sofa. 

**Oh yeah? Well, too bad. You touched my sofa, so you shall pay.**

I don't have any money with me now. We used it up that day to buy lunch at McDonald's. 

**I don't mean that kind of pay, moron.**

Then what... 

Without warning, Ted suddenly felt something punch him, hard, and then he yelped as his chair was violently pulled back onto the floor, sending him to the ground with a crash that jolted Neo awake. 

Marty murmured something about sheep and rolled over. 

_Now what?_ Neo wondered sleepily, did nothing for a while, then got up and walked over to the fallen teen. "Now what?" he asked sleepily, wondering vaguely why he even bothered. 

"Eddie pushed me!" 

"What?" 

"We were writing to each other just now over there, and he said that I had been sleeping on his sofa, so he pushed me..." 

Neo went over to the table, picked up the sheet of paper, and read the conversation. "You stole my handwriting," he said, not looking up. 

Ted didn't quite know how to reply to that. 

"Where's Eddie now?" Neo asked, putting the paper down. 

"I don't know, dude. I think he left." 

Neo was about to make some scathing remark along the lines of what he could do to Ted if the teen called him 'dude' one more time, but the doorbell chose that moment to ring and he didn't have the chance to. 

"Hey, maybe they're back," Ted said with a grin, going out the door and scooting down the stairs as Neo followed much less enthusiastically behind. 

There was no one at the door when Ted opened it; all there was outside were two boxes of pizza lying on the ground with a yellow Post-it note stuck on top. 

"From Freddy the Pizza Dude," it read. 

"What's that?" Neo asked. 

"Pizza. From Freddy the Pizza Dude." 

"Why would he just leave us pizza for free? What if it's poisoned?" 

Ted shrugged and raced up the stairs. "Anybody wants pizza?" he yelled into the room. 

Verne woke instantly at the sound of one of his favourite words, and his eyes lit up. "Pizza? Yeah!" The boy ran down the stairs and nearly tripped on the way. 

Marty murmured something about towels and rolled over. However, he had overestimated the size of the bed and as a result fell onto the floor with a loud thunk. 

A minute later, when Marty joined the pizza party, he was rubbing a large bruise on his head. 

Doc and Frank got back about half an hour later as the group was polishing off the last few slices of pizza. "Freddy dropped by again, I see," Frank commented as he entered the room, his arm now in a better sling. 

Verne looked up from his third slice. "Who?" 

"Freddy the Pizza Dude," Frank explained. "He used to work at the pizza joint a little way from here, but then sometime last year he fell into the pizza oven and died. He was really angry at the company for that, so sometimes he steals a pizza or two from them and brings it over here." Frank reached over and grabbed a slice. "Want one?" he asked Doc. 

Emmett shook his head. "I think we'd better be going soon." 

"So what did you tell them happened to your arm?" Verne asked Frank. 

"I said I was trying out stunts with my new gun and accidentally shot myself. Luckily they didn't ask too many questions." 

"Oh." 

Finishing his slice of pizza, Marty washed his hands and went over to the computer to check his e-mail. 

---- ****

From - hoedoeyoospeleethate(at)dictionary(dot)com 

To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com 

Subject: Can you help me... 

Eye wante 2 bye a shepe. A ded shepe. Do u thinke it'ss ghooste is stile aronde? Cann u aske Frank 4 mee? 

Thankssie 

---- 

Marty blinked. "Uh... Frank? Look at this." 

Frank came over and stared at the message. "No, I don't think I've seen the ghooste of any ded shepe aronde recently. You could tell the sender to come over to New Zealand though. There're lots of shepe to spare here. Some ded ones too, I bet." 

"Okay..." 

---- ****

From - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com 

To - hoedoeyoospeleethate(at)dictionary(dot)com 

Subject: Re: Can you help me... 

Frank says he hasn't seen any ghost of any dead sheep. He says you should come to New Zealand if you want to look for one. 

- Marty. 

---- 

Neo and Verne were meanwhile arguing over the last slice of pizza in the box. 

"'Cause I'm younger," Verne said in reply to why he should have it. "I need food. I'm a growing boy." 

"Yeah? Well, that's the last slice of pizza I'm going to have in the rest of my life." 

"I don't get to eat it that often too. I live in the nineteenth century." 

"You have a time machine. You can get pizza whenever you want." 

"Dad never lets us." 

Emmett looked at his son with an amused look on his face. 

"Just give me the..." 

Ted reached over and grabbed the slice. "I'll take it, then." 

"HEY!" 

Hanging onto the last slice of pizza for dear life, Ted ran up the stairs, Neo and Verne in hot pursuit. Various screams and loud bumping sounds were heard coming from upstairs. 

Frank shook his head. "I hope they don't get lost up there. This house is kind of big. I've never even really gone through the whole place. Who knows, maybe there's even a ded shepe there somewhere." 

Verne was soon left behind as Neo raced down the corridors after Ted and the coveted piece of pizza. Turning back, Verne dismally retraced his steps and went downstairs. 

Neo was actually sort of enjoying himself. The last time he ha been doing any running was - well, the last time had been escaping from the rabid _Matrix_ fans with their free ice creams at McDonald's, but before that, the only reason for him to run had to be to get away from a random bunch of agents who wanted to kill him. Whereas now he was running after a slice of pepperoni pizza that probably didn't have much pepperoni left, judging from the pepperoni slices that he could see falling off onto the floor ahead. This was the stupidest thing he had done in a long while, Neo thought, dashing up a staircase to the third floor. 

---- ****

From - EternalDensity(at)virussupport(dot)net To - morpheus(at)thematrix(dot)com Subject: nil 

Here's a nifty little tool to use on agents: 

Enjoy, E.D. 

Attachment: sunglassesEqualRCPHats.exe 

---- 

Downstairs, Frank glanced at the clock. "If they're not back in... twenty minutes, I'll send Bob or Eddie to look for them," he said, then went over to his fridge and took out several slices of leftover pizza to eat. Marty had the strange feeling that Frank was enjoying himself. 

"I really think we should be leaving soon," Doc said. "We shouldn't stay too long here. Who knows what might happen?" 

"It doesn't really matter," Frank replied. "No one ever comes by here often." 

Marty went over to on the computer. No matter how freaky the thought of it was, there was one thing he had to find out... Hesitantly, he typed 'back to the future' into the search bar, hit 'enter' and clicked on the first result. The page loaded, and the teen scrolled down. 

_Wow_, Marty thought dazedly. _My life is a Steven Spielberg movie._

---- 

Neo finally managed to corner Ted at the end of some hallway somewhere. Trying to catch his breath, he held out his hand. "Give me the pizza." 

Ted looked longingly at the mozzarella-cheese-covered pepperoni slices on the pizza. "Can I have half?" 

"Yeah, fine, whatever. Just give me the other half." 

"You're really desperate, aren't you?" the teen asked, tearing the pizza in two and passing one half over. "It's just pizza." 

"In that case, give me the other half too." 

"No way, dude. Uh... where are we?" 

---- 

Verne was happily munching away on a slice of heated-up leftover pizza. It was a good thing he had come back down, after all. 

---- 

Agent Smith wasn't doing anything in particular that day. He was just testing out his new cloning ability on random people, then stole the clones' really sunglasses before terminating them. It wasn't long before he had a whole pile of really cool sunglasses, all for him. Smith smiled. Soon, he'd be able to get rid of the rest of the agents and it would just be him, him alone with his clones and no one else... the agent program had been getting faulty lately, too, what with really weird agents coming out, inclusive of one with purple sunglasses. 

The other agents were lounging around him slacking away, all with really cool sunglasses on. 

Suddenly there was a click. 

And then all the agents were wearing Really Cool Purple Hats on their heads, sunglasses mysteriously gone. 

---- ****

From - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com 

To - thealiensarecoming(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com 

Subject: nil 

George: 

I know they have the same nickname, but it's kinda odd that your Marty and 'Marty Calvin Klein' are so similar. I mean they both play loud music, they both skateboard, and y'know that jacket he wears? Kinda like a life-preserver, eh? 

E.D. 

---- 

"I don't remember this corridor," Neo said, stopping for the first time after several minutes of walking. 

"Me neither. Maybe it's a shortcut, dude!" 

"I really don't think so." 

They turned around, but the corridor ahead didn't look much more familiar. 

"I think we're lost, dude." 

"Ted?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do me a favour and shut up." 

---- ****

From - thealiensarecoming(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com 

To - EternalDensity(at)notoneofthem(dot)com 

Subject: Re: nil 

Yeah, it's very odd. That day I was looking through the 1955 yearbook, and there was this picture of Martin Klein playing guitar at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. I thought he looked a lot like my son, but the picture wasn't clear enough. The similarities between the two are amazing. 

Who are you? 

---- 

Doc took a slice of pizza too. He didn't know how long the trip ahead would be. Next to him, Marty was still staring numbly at the computer screen as he read through the quotes selection for _Back to the Future_. 

---- 

Several minutes of silence were broken after not very long. 

"What's that thing at the back of your head, dude?" Ted asked. 

"None of your business." 

"Can I poke my finger in it?" 

Neo whipped around. "NO!" 

Ted shrugged. Several more minutes of silence passed, until the teen couldn't stand it any longer and started to sing softly. 

"Twenty-four green bottles  
Lying on the floor.  
Twenty-four green bottles  
Lying on the floor..." 

"_Do you want me to bash you?_" Neo asked through gritted teeth. 

"And if one... hey, look! Pepperoni slices!" 

The corridor was suddenly looking a whole lot familiar. And most familiar of all was the trail of pepperoni slices leading right back the way they'd come from. 

Neo had never felt so relieved in his life. 

---- ****

From - flieingorengepepars(at)zionvege(dot)com 

To - everybody(at)thematrix(dot)com, everybody(at)zion(dot)com, everybody(at)theagents(dot)com 

Subject: HAH. 

Shud ap. We is grater. Wee is de Flieing Orenge Pepars, un we wil mayk yu intu vegtebel soop. 

- De Flieing Orenge Pepars 

---- 

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

Kleenexwoman: 'Snoochie Boochies'? 0.0 And they aren't my characters. This is fanfic. I only own Keith, Adwin, Andrew, Rupert and Liz. And maybe a few others that I missed out. Thanks for reviewing! 

HyperCaz: Waste of viewing... hey, it's a nice show! Seen it yet? Ded shepe are good. 

Anonymous-cat: Matrix Reloaded was BAD. But Revolutions was kind of nice, especially if you like epic battle scenes. Long ago, I originally wanted to zap Luke Skywalker into the real world too, but the storyline changed too much and I couldn't do that... maybe they might still get to meet the others. I dunno. 

Flaming Trails: Hi! Long time no review... YOU HAVE THE SIMS 2? ARGH... I want it... tell me everything about it! 

TpolTucker: Frank originally died. But then the computer's monitor was sold and I had to rewrite the chapter, so he lived instead. I think there will me a happy ending, but then again whatever I think seldom comes to pass. Thanks for reviewing! 

kackie: Well, the next chapter is here... Thanks for reviewing! 

Back to Front: That makes you one of the few people who have. Yep, it's 42. That's what you get when you multiply six by nine. 

clarafan: You're not dead? Okay, that's good. Thanks for reviewing! 


	21. Bonus Chapter

Hi people. Firstly, sorry, but this isn't the next chapter. I've got writer's block on the next chapter; I've written about a thousand words for it, and I'm stuck.

I probably won't be able to finish this fic by the end of 2004, after all, but I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP. I'll be REALLY busy next year - I've got a major band competition and the O Levels, for which I intend to be doing intensive studying. I doubt there'll be time for me to write, but I'll try to post a chapter for this fic whenever I can.

Me and two friends have written an e-mail fic entitled _So Long, and Thanks for All the Phish_. It's in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy section under the penname 'Ol' Janx Spiriteers', so you can go check it out if you want. We want reviews! Thanks.

The following is an extract from the novelisation of this fic. I've hit about 60,000 words (it used to be 70,000 until the revamp) and unfortunately, most of the e-mails were kicked out so not many of your contributions would end up in it because I'm trying to make it less messy. Sorry. I think Flaming Trails has two e-mails in it (the ones to Doc and Neo), but that's the most for any person so far.

* * *

1979  
The Real World

He hoped that no one would be able to find him here. The usual recess sounds of children laughing and playing reached his ears, but it all seemed so far away, as if it were part of another world. But on this side of the school, he could be by himself, all alone, just the way he liked it.

Sitting down on the grass with his back to the brick wall, the seven-year-old opened his lunchbox and munched on a peanut-butter sandwich as he stared out past the wire fence at the traffic going past outside.

_This is how it should be_, he thought. If he could keep coming here each recess, he might never have to see Walter Reynolds ever again, would never again have to...

"Oh, so THERE you are."

_No_, the boy thought desperately, but he knew it was too late, and so he stood up, trying his best to hide the fear in his eyes. "What do you want, Walter?"

The older boy ignored the question. His two friends stood smirking behind him, ready to assist if the need arose. "What're you doing all the way out here?" the nine-year-old asked. "You weren't trying to escape, from me, were you?" He smiled. "Don't think you can run. I'll always know where you are."

Keith remained silent. _Go away_, he thought. _Just go away and leave me alone... just go away... just go away..._

Walter snatched his lunchbox away from him, gave it a disdainful look and emptied its remaining contents on the ground. "Hold him," he ordered his friends, and the two of them pinned the younger boy against the wall as Walter casually stripped Keith of his pocket money for that week. The half-eaten sandwich dropped onto the ground.

Keith glared angrily at Walter, struggling against the grip of the other two boys, but he couldn't do anything and he knew it. There was no point in thinking he could escape, after all... Walter would always find him, nothing would ever change...

Walter counted the coins and shook his head. "It's less than last week," he said. "Whatever have you been buying?"

"That's none of your business," Keith replied, regretting his words the instance they left his mouth. "It's my money."

Walter leaned in close to him until Keith could feel his hot breath on his face. "Oh yeah?" Walter asked. "Well, it's my money now, so too bad."

"Give it back."

"What would you do if I don't? Tell the teacher? Tell the principal? Tell your mummy?" Walter paused, malice glinting in his eyes. "Oh wait, I forgot. You don't _have_ a mummy any more..."

His friends laughed, and Walter grinned in satisfaction. He knew he'd touched a nerve.

Keith glowered. His hands ached so much to just put themselves around Walter's neck and squeeze it till he choked and cried and begged to be released and...

Somehow, his foot broke loose and flew forward, connecting squarely with Walter's stomach. The latter stumbled back, staring at the younger boy with more pain than surprise in his eyes.

"You _kicked_ me?" Walter asked, in a voice that Keith had come to recognise as dangerous. "You KICKED me?"

Walter's friends slowly backed away, leaving Keith on his own to face the other boy.

The next thing Keith felt was a hard punch that sent him keeling over onto the ground, before a volley of violent kicks rained down on his small body. He yelled in pain and tried to get back up, but always someone would push him down again and he'd be unable to. When the torture finally subsided, it took several seconds before Keith dared to look up again, and he watched with angry tears in his eyes the departing forms of Walter and his gang.

_One day they'll pay_, he thought furiously. One day he was going to make them pay, he was going to make them hurt so bad that they screamed and begged for mercy but he wasn't going to give it to them, he wouldn't let them go because they wouldn't let him go...

And how did Walter dare to talk that way about his mother?

Ever since the news of his mother's sudden death had reached Keith's ears less than a month ago, Keith had known that life was going to be much, much worse from then on.

Rachel Kenselton-Fong, small-time actress and mother of two, was gone forever.

It had been a car crash. Of all the things that could have happened, it had to be a car crash. Many nights since that fateful day, Keith had lain awake in bed, thinking of what he would have liked to do to that stupid drunk driver that had taken his mother's life.

She had been his only source of comfort. Whenever Walter bullied him at school and took his money, Keith could always just go home and she would be there for him, and everything would be all right... but now, nothing would ever be all right, never again.

There were days after school when he couldn't take it any more and would spend his time in front of the television watching his mother's movies, those few films that she had acted in before she passed away. And he would pretend that those characters on the screen were really her, and wished that one of them would step out of the television set and become real, and hold him in her arms and everything would be all right again...

But they never did. She was gone, and Keith knew it.

* * *

1982  
The Real World

Three years had passed since that fateful day, but the incident remained fresh as ever in then nine-year-old Keith's mind. Over time, his mother's films that he used to find such a source of comfort had become loathsome to him. He saw them mocking him as they talked and smiled and laughed: all her characters, fine and healthy and alive, while she, the actor, was dead.

_Why couldn't they have died instead?_ Keith often found himself wondering bitterly. It wouldn't have mattered then, because the characters weren't real and it wouldn't have mattered to anyone, no one cared about them, they were nothing, they could afford to die.

Rachel Kenselton's character on the screen giggled merrily at some joke another character had told her, and Keith's cheeks burned with fury.

_How dare you laugh? Why couldn't you die instead? If it weren't for my mother, you wouldn't even exist... Why did she have to die, why couldn't you, why couldn't you..._

And yet Keith couldn't bring himself to hate them either, for they looked too much like his mother. Each time he saw her films, he remembered her face, her eyes, her smile, her voice, her touch; the characters on the screen were mere copies, but so like the original, so close and yet so far...

Keith missed his mother so much.

His father didn't seem to care. He was always out these days, getting drunk, seeing other women and doing goodness knows what with them. Keith heard him coming back sometimes, late at night when he couldn't sleep.

Two days ago he had got into a fight in school. It was just a trivial matter; nothing at all, really, but he hadn't been able to control himself. His classmate, Thomas, had been telling a friend the Star Wars storyline and Keith so happened to be sitting nearby, listening.

There was nothing at all wrong with what Thomas was saying, just that he was substituting all the characters' names with the actors' names to tell the story. Keith endured several minutes of, "Then Mark Hamill did this, and Harrison Ford did that, and Carrie Fisher did…" before he couldn't take it any longer.

"His name is Luke Skywalker," Keith said quietly, as Thomas was giving a graphic account of how Mark Hamill's X-Wing starfighter was blowing up the Imperial TIE fighters in the Death Star attack.

Thomas glared at him for interrupting. The two of them weren't exactly on the best of terms. "It's the same thing, moron."

"It's not."

"Yes it is."

"The actor and character are two completely different people," Keith said. "They have different lives, different personalities..."

Thomas gave him a look that plainly said that he thought the whole conversation was a pointless waste of time... when revelation dawned, and he smirked. "You're thinking about your mother, aren't you? She really was stupid in all those movies of hers, wasn't she?"

Thomas turned to his friend, the one he had been telling about Star Wars. "Hey, did you see the one where she was being attacked by the guy in the monster suit, and she was like, "Aaah! Save me! Save..."

The next thing Thomas knew, he was on the ground. Keith was on top of him, screaming and pummelling him for all he was worth. Thomas tried to get up but couldn't; after three years of hard work, Keith was now a blackbelt in karate and was a force to be reckoned with. Keith had first learnt it as a form of self-defence against Walter, but in times like this his training came in useful too.

Five minutes later, Keith found himself once again in the principal's office. His fights in school always ended the same way, and as usual, it was all his fault.

END OF EXTRACT

* * *

Back to Front: Yep, Neo and Ted will find their way back. I don't know if Eddie will get his revenge.

Stoko: In the movie, Frank didn't live in New Zealand, so most of the things in his universe I made up myself. Thanks for reviewing!

Anonymous-cat: Ded shepe belong to HyperCaz. I don't know if this is considered an update, but thanks for reviewing!

TPolTucker: Thanks for your review! Pizza is good.

HyperCaz: Pizza! 'New Zelerica'? Thanks for reviewing!

Dubya Kerry: What three days? I remember being able to post almost immediately.

Eternal Density: Really? I didn't know that. So 6 by 9 is 42 in base 13...

Kleenexwoman: Um. Whassat?

Kackie: The main reason why I didn't kill Frank was because he was too fun to write about... thanks for reviewing! I'll try to get a copy of your book if it ever arrives here.

Grim Reaper: Okay, I'll continue it. You gave me a LOT of reviews. To answer your questions... uh, I live on an island. That's all I'll tell you for the time being.

Vroom Vroom: Thanks for reviewing!

Ectodude: Yep, you kinda vanished. Uh, if you want your character in the fic, I'm not sure how to go about it... he can come in in the later chapters to help Doc, because at the moment there's not much oppurtunity to insert a new character.


	22. PEPPERONI!

Disclaimer: Same old.

As promised, here is the next chapter. Sorry if it's a little short; I haven't had time to write since school started. I have school from 7am to 6pm three days a week (lessons until 3 or 4, then band) - the other two days we only get let out at 2:30, and I spend the rest of those days trying to finish off all my homework of that week. At least now there's no more school on Saturdays. Anyway, I doubt the next chapter will be coming for a long while as it is...

My website is up! Go look!

I rewatched The Frighteners sometime during the November-December holidays, so my memory of the show got refreshed a little, which was good. Frank wasn't as OOC in this fic as I had thought. Yay.

About two or three chapters ago I said that I would give a summary of the movies in this fic that people hadn't seen, but they're kind of hard to summarise. Um. Here goes...

The Matrix: Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. Heheh. Revolutions had two oboe solos. Not that you needed to know that.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Two dudes go back in time in a time-travelling phone booth in an effort to finish a history assignment. (Tagline: History is about to be rewritten by two guys who can't spell.) IT HAS BTTF REFERENCES!!!

The Frighteners: Every time I see an advert for this, they have to write 'From the director of The Lord of the Rings' all over it... Uh. Yup. Frank is this guy who can see dead people. So he sends his two ghost friends (NOT Bob and Eddie - I made those two up) to haunt various people, then get paid when the said people call him for ghostbusting help. Random murders involving a dead serial killer happens and people blame Frank because he's always at the wrong place at the wrong time. Stuff happens. The end.

I doubt I'm being very helpful. IMDB might be more useful.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Neo thought that he should start making a list of all the stupid things he had done recently. Firstly, he'd gone to McDonald's and been chased out by people wanting to give him free ice creams. Secondly, he'd killed a bird when all the poor thing had wanted to do was to look at his really cool sunglasses. Thirdly, he'd chased Ted around Frank's house all for the sake of a pitiful half slice of pepperoni pizza that he finished in under half a minute. Then they'd got lost because of that, and now they were following the trail of pepperoni slices like Hansel and Gretel had followed the trail of breadcrumbs. Neo wouldn't be surprised if his IQ level had dropped several points. Ted had a bad influence on him.

The aforementioned teenager was stopping every now and then to pick a slice of pepperoni off the floor, slowing their progress by a considerable amount. But at least he wasn't singing about bottles any more, and Neo was grateful for the silence.

Ted stopped picking up the pepperoni after a while. "I don't feel so good," he said, looking decidedly green.

"It's the pizza," Neo replied matter-of-factly as they arrived at the staircase that signalled the end of their journey was near. "You should have given me the whole slice."

* * *

**From - jayphatbuds(at)viewaskew(dot)com  
To - futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(dot)com  
Subject: nil**

Snoochie boochies, yo! Your skateboarding skills are the sh-t, it's all awesome like "Silver Surfer" but with freakin' Huey Lewis songs. If you're gonna listen to crappy 80s music, yo, get some Oingo Boingo or cool sh-t like that. Or Slayer.

And remember, man--if it's all a movie, it'll all work out in the end. Trust me on this. Just try to find the scriptwriter, and all will be explained.

* * *

Marty stared at the e-mail, realised that the sender had insulted Huey Lewis, deleted the mail and logged off. 

"I told them about your sofa, Eddie. It's not my fault if one of them decides to sleep on it." Frank Bannister closed the pizza box and dumped it into the trash. He turned back to face the ghost, but he had gone. "Eddie?" Frank caught a fleeting glimpse of him going up the stairs. "He's gone," he told Marty. "I hope he's not getting into trouble..."

"What's with him and that sofa, anyway?" Marty asked, still slightly freaked out by how it had seemed as though Frank was talking to thin air. "It's just a sofa."

"Eddie's not... normal," Frank replied. "He used to be in a mental hospital, and he never fully recovered by the time he died." He swung himself onto a chair. "Apparently the doctors said he could get really violent at times, but so far I've never seem him do anything very..."

Frank was interrupted by a loud yell and crash as Eddie threw Ted off the stairs.

He blinked. "Then again..."

Doc ran out of the kitchen towards the fallen teen. A second later, Frank and Marty followed, as Verne grabbed the last slice of pizza and tried to finish off as much of it as possible before Neo saw it.

Ted lay semi-conscious on the floor. Above him, Neo was shakily making his way down. "I didn't do it," he said quickly.

"Yeah, you didn't," Frank replied. "It was that sofa-obsessed ectoplasmic git who... EDDIE! YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Yelling, Bannister dashed up the stairs in pursuit of his invisible quarry. Verne swallowed his last bite of pizza and licked his fingers to remove all traces of it.

Doc knelt down beside Ted. "Are you okay?" he asked.

The teen blinked and struggled to sit up. "What happened?"

"Eddie threw you off the stairs," Neo replied, as from upstairs came the sounds of a crash and Frank yelling madly.

"EDDIE! Stop getting awa... OW! Quit that...ow... gedoff... wait a sec, WHO LEFT PEPPERONI LYING ALL OVER THE... argh! Eddie... stop... BOB, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Marty looked up. "Uh, I think I'd better go see what's going on." Before Doc could stop him, he ran up. "Frank?"

Frank was standing against a wall with a cornered look on his face as he tried to reason with the resident sofa-lover. "Look, Eddie, it's my house now, okay? Everything here belongs to me now, and that includes your sofa..."

Marty bent down and picked a slice of pepperoni off the floor, then put it back because he didn't know what to do with it and regretted picking it up in the first place because now his fingers were oily. The pepperoni slice snuggled happily into the carpet and said hi to the slice of pepperoni nearest to it. (Later, the two would be about to get married and have lots of little pepperoni slices, when Frank picks them up and throws them away... but that's another story.)

"Can... Bob! Where've you been? Get Eddie away from me... Yeah, it's his sofa again... Thanks." When the two ghosts departed, Frank glanced over at Marty, who was staring intently at the floor. "What're you looking at?"

"I think that pepperoni slice just moved."

Frank crouched down next to the teen and looked at where he was pointing. "Nah, it's just the ants again."

"I don't see any ants."

"They're dead."

"Oh."

"They've never really gotten the idea that they don't need to eat anymore," Frank explained, bringing his finger down to squish the ant ghosts. Their ectoplasm shrivelled up and vanished. "That's the end of them. Let's go back down. I don't think Eddie will be back for a while."

The two of them stood up and went downstairs, where Neo and Verne were arguing over pizza again. Verne hadn't managed to finish his slice in time, and Neo had spotted it.

"Give me the pizza."

"There's only half left," Verne replied.

"It doesn't matter."

"You had more ice cream than me."

"This is different."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"Is not!"

"Is too," Neo retorted, wondering just what he was doing arguing with a seven-year-old over a half-eaten slice of pizza. His life had gotten weird.

"Is not!"

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too, kiddio."

"Moron."

"Idiot."

"Pizza-obsessed guy."

"Same to you."

"Keanu Reeves freak."

Neo blinked. "Wha?"

Verne grinned.

"Look, just give me the pizza."

"There's only h..."

"QUIT IT, OKAY?" Frank yelled, hopping off the bottom step of the staircase. "If you two go through that whole thing again, I'll personally drive you to the mountains and dump you there, where you can have all the shepe for company. Even the ded ones."

Verne quickly ate up the rest of the pizza and stuck out his tongue at Neo.

"Where's Doc?" Marty asked.

"He's in the toilet," Verne replied.

"Where's Ted?"

"Throwing up in the other toilet."

Marty raised an eyebrow. "Just how many toilets are there in this place?"

"I've never counted," Frank admitted. "Is Ted okay?"

"I bet it's just the pizza," Neo said helpfully.

Emmett walked in. "We can't be too sure about that," he said. "It could be the first signs of dimensional incompatibility, for all we know."

"If it's dimensional incompatibility, then how come I still feel all right?" Marty asked.

"I didn't say it was definitely dimensional incompatibility. But in the chance that it is, you might not feel the effects until much later because you're used to this kind of thing," Doc replied. "You've probably built up a resistance against it."

"So what d'you think?" Frank asked.

"Maybe it _is_ the pizza," Marty said, as Ted entered and sat down on the stairs looking sick.

Neo gave Doc an I-told-you-so look, which Emmett ignored. "There's only one way to find out," the inventor said. "If it _is_ a dimensional problem, there should be a temporarily relief of the symptoms after a trip through the space-time continuum in the train. However, judging from the time that's passed since we've arrived here compared to the time you spent in the hotel, the period of relief might be shortened each time..."

Marty stared at his friend. "How'd you know all this?"

"_Back to the Future_ fan fiction," Doc replied simply. "I knew the stories might turn out helpful sometime."

"So I guess you'll be leaving now, huh?" Frank asked.

"Yes. Thank you very much for letting us stay here."

"And for the pizza," Verne chipped in as the five visitors started towards the door.

Frank unlocked the door and opened it. "No problem." He tousled Marty's hair as the teen walked past. "Bye, kid."

Marty turned and smiled. "Bye."

Frank watched them from the doorway as they walked toward the time train, where Emmett did a double take when he saw the bloody mess on the locomotive. "What in the name if Sir Isaac H. Newton is _that_?" he muttered.

_Oh, great,_ Neo thought as he recognised the remains of the poor bird whose death he had indirectly been responsible for. "I think it's a bird," he said lamely, walking up.

"What bird would be stupid enough to fly into a train?" Marty asked. "If this kind of thing happened all the time, animal lovers would've placed a ban on airplanes or something by now.

Neo decided that it would not be a good idea to mention that the bird had been attracted by his really cool sunglasses.

Emmett shook his head. "Whatever it is, it's too late to worry about now."

The trio headed into the train where Ted and Verne were waiting, and got ready to set off through the space-time continuum again.

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

Kleenexwoman: I put your e-mail in anyway. Yeah, I have some original fiction; it was what I was writing before I heard of fanfic, though currently I think I have more fanfic than original fic. Fanfic can be put online, so I write more of it because at least it gets read by people, whereas my original stories just rot away in my cupboard. Thanks for reviewing! 

Ectodude: I like Stargate. (The movie, at least. I don't understand the series.) I think I considered adding it in at one point or another, but it was getting too crowded in here. Thanks for your review!

HyperCaz: Keith is just a poor, misunderstood individual... Interesting advert. Thanks for reviewingthe Hitchhiker's fic! There are some problems with the e-mail address, though, as usual.

Grim Reaper: Darn. I'm going to get my brother for this... I should have checked what he wrote on the webpage before posting it. Ah well. The whole 'Dude, Where's My...' series are up on my website now. I don't dare repost them on FFN, because if they get removed again I might end up losing my whole account. I don't want to risk that.

Anonymous-cat: Okay, you can see what's happening to the others now: not much. Yep, the shepe is ded.

Back to Front: Thanks for reviewing, dude!

flux capacitor...fluxing: Thanks for reviewing! The purple hats were Jamie McFly's idea.


	23. Passage to Zion

Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the way of movie rights. 

Happy April Fools' Day in advance. 

My brother wrote one paragraph of this chapter. 

To all the Hitchhiker fans out there, YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS SITE: http(:)www(.)frances(.)plus(.)com/cached(.)html 

An excerpt from said site that is somewhat vaguely relevant to this fic:   
12. In the movie "Teen Wolf", Michael J. Fox has the number 42 on his jersey.   
92. The number of people marked for death in the movie "The Frighteners" is 42   
20. There are three ocurrences of 42 in the song "A Hundred Bottles of Beer On The Wall" (Okay, so the version in this fic is known as 'A Hundred Green Bottles Hanging On The Wall'. I think it's the British version or something. It's the one I've always known, anyway.) 

To all the Matrix fans out there (and anyone else who is bored), go to www(.)legendaryfrog(.)com, enter the site, click on 'movies' and click on 'The Matrix Still Has You'. It's a collection of six VERY FUNNY Flash parodies of the Matrix; each is about two minutes long. It takes some time to download, but it's worth the wait. The first three were the best. It's actually a sequel to an original collection, 'The Matrix Has You', but that one wasn't half as good. It was kinda draggy and not exactly funny, though I guess it had its moments. 

Random mental image: Neo and John Constantine trying to rip each other apart. Whee. End mental image. Nope, I haven't watched _Constantine_. But my friend told me the whole storyline. Anyone saw it? Any good? 

Novelisation progress: Approx 60,000 words after this revamp where I cut out more than 10,000 words.

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Two

**

It was Verne who first pointed out the problem of how they were going to get into Zion, considering that it was an underground city and thus not really very accessible by a flying, time-travelling train. Doc, Marty and Ted had not known enough about the Matrix universe to anticipate any trouble in sending Neo home. As for Neo, he had been too busy wondering what he would do if the ghost of the bird he killed came back to haunt him to think much about the matter either. 

"What?" he said instead. 

"How're we gonna get into Zion?" Verne repeated. 

Neo realised that that was a rather good question. 

"Aren't there any entrances from the surface?" Marty asked Verne. 

"Yeah, we could go through the sewers and electrical lines and stuff, but the whole place is filled with sentinels and it won't be easy to fly through the lines." Verne paused, thinking, and his eyes suddenly lit up. "Unless..." 

"What?" Neo asked. His vocabulary had been reduced to one single word. 

"In Matrix Revolutions, the sentinels drilled a tunnel from the surface that went through an old sewer pipe into Zion," Verne said. 

"What?" Neo asked again. 

"Yeah. The hole went right down into Zion, and that's how the sentinels entered and blew things up." 

"_What?_" 

Doc went over to the time circuits. "When did this happen?" 

"Uh... about six months after Part One, I think... it's the bit before Neo and Trinity died..." 

"**_WHAT!_**" 

"Stop saying 'what', dude," Ted advised from the back of the train. "You're starting to sound like this guy from _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy._" 

Neo wasn't really paying attention to him. There were more important matters at hand at the moment. "Wait a sec... what d'you mean I die?" he half-shouted. "How can I..." 

His ranting was drowned out by the sound of the hover circuits powering up as the train lifted off into the sky, hit eighty-eight miles per hour and vanished. 

Down below, Frank waved goodbye. He sighed and shut the door. 

_Back to normal life again_, he thought dully, as Eddie zoomed down the stairs, nearly bowling him over as the ghost demanded to know where that idiot who slept on his sofa had gone. 

"I wish I knew, Eddie," Frank murmured, staring wistfully out the window at the empty sky. "I wish I knew."

* * *

**From - what.makes.you.think.I.am.an.Imperial.agent@palpatinerulestheworld(.)gov **

To -luke. president.princess.jedi@newrepublic(.)gov 

Subject: nil 

SKYWALKER! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! 

Madame Chief of State: I have to inform you that I am going to kill your brother. 

Very sincerely,   
Arica   
Secret Agent 

XXXX 

**From - president.princess.jedi@newrepublic(.)gov **

To - what.makes.you.think.i.am.an.imperial.agent@palpatinerulestheworld(.)gov 

Subject: Re: nil 

And how to you intend to do that? 

Leia 

XXXX 

Luke Skywalker stared at his latest e-mail with growing apprehension. It wasn't every day that you received an e-mail from someone threatening to kill you, and now that he had, he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. What was he supposed to do? Panic and run around screaming? Inform the authorities? Do nothing? Luke closed his eyes and let the Force guide his thoughts. 

The sender of the e-mail was apparently seeking attention, or she would not have sent a copy of the message to Leia as well. So she wanted to be found out, to be traced perhaps... Why? Was this some form of distraction? Maybe it was all part of some ploy... she wished the New Republic's attention to be focused on the murder threat, probably clearing the way for something else to happen... 

Luke wasn't going to give her that. There was nothing much he could do; Leia already knew, and she could deal with the situation as she saw fit. 

XXXX

* * *

The train bucked violently as it entered the blackened sky above Zion, throwing most of its passengers off balance and effectively shutting Neo up. Struggling back to his feet, Emmett activated the train's cloaking shield and grabbed the navigation controls in time to avoid crashing into a swarm of sentinels ahead. More of the machines surrounded them on all sides, pushing them relentlessly onward towards Zion. 

"Is this the correct time?" Doc shouted. 

Verne stared around in awe. "Yeah... perfect... how'd you do that?" 

"You mean this was exactly when you meant? I just sent us six months into the future from the time Neo was taken... it wouldn't have been very accurate. We can't have landed so perfectly where you wanted. That's impossible." 

"Not impossible," Neo said quietly, looking out the front window. "Improbable." 

Back in the days when he'd been a trapped human in the Matrix, there had been a series of books - fictional books - known as _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. In them was a device known as the Improbability Drive, a wholly remarkable invention that ran on a cup of tea and made improbable things happen. 

At present, what was fictional and what was real wasn't exactly very clear. And Neo wondered if perhaps Douglas Adams' fictional contraption was currently playing a larger part in their lives that they'd have ever imagined. Judging from the events of the past few days or so, he was prepared to believe almost anything. 

Verne was starting to think that maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all, wincing as the train swerved almost ninety degrees to the side to dodge a mechanical tentacle. The boy dropped into a sitting position between the two benches in the cabin. It was probably the safest position to be in, he thought, grabbing hold of Marty's leg for support as the train executed yet more acrobatic manoeuvres. Marty yelled in shock and almost kicked Verne squarely in the face. 

There was a glow of orange light up ahead that marked the position of the tunnel. Sentinels poured in through it, several to meet their end moments later at the guns of the human-operated Armoured Personal Units below. 

It was kind of ironic, Verne thought. He knew dozens of Matrix fans who would die to have the opportunity he currently had, and here he was cowering in the back of the train. 

The train bucked again, and Verne grabbed wildly at Ted's leg for support. Startled, the teen glanced down to see what was clutching him, then looked up to see Marty with both legs up on the seat, unavailable for use as safety railings. 

"Hey..." Ted protested, trying to shake his leg free of the boy's grip. 

"Verne, why don't you just tell your father to install seatbelts in here?" Marty asked. 

"What?" 

"Never mind." 

There was a jolt, and from up front came Doc's shout: "We're going in!" 

The place got more crowded as they entered the tunnel. A sentinel slammed into the side of the cloaked train, suffered critical damages to its internal circuitry and started flying around in small circles making beep beep noises. Intrigued, Ted got off his seat and went over to the side for a better look. 

"Doc!" Marty yelled, trying to regain his balance as more sentinels bashed into the train, "deactivate the cloak! Then maybe they'll stop crashing into us!" 

The inventor didn't seem to have heard, so Neo reached over to do him the honours as they exited the tunnel and entered Zion. The air below was thick with swarms of sentinels and gunfire, and Neo was starting to have a very bad feeling about all of it, especially since several of the sentinels were starting to notice them. 

The machine's objective had been to destroy the humans. And here were five such humans, packaged nicely in this colourful flying train... 

A mechanical tentacle lashed out at the time vehicle, puncturing the door and yanking it open. Too late, Ted realised that the door he'd been standing in front of had just been replaced with empty space. The train jerked... and he yelled as he felt the floor suddenly slide away from his feet. 

Kicking wildly in midair trying to secure a foothold, he grabbed futilely at the floor of the train as it slowly slipped away from his grasp... 

Cursing under his breath, Neo threw himself forward and grabbed hold of the teen's hand just before it disappeared below. Marty rushed forward to help, when he froze at the sight of a sentinel heading straight at them, tentacles poised to attack and its sensor-like eyes glowing a evil red. 

"Marty! Get the gun!" Neo shouted. 

Marty stood stunned for several moments, when Verne dumped the Neutrino Quartz 3000 Laser Blaster in his hands. 

"SHOOT IT!" 

Realising the presence of the gun, Marty stared down at the futuristic weapon and wondered vaguely where the trigger was. It looked like that greenish thingy over there, so he decided that it probably was. Aiming the gun uncertainly at the incoming machine, he squeezed the greenish thingy. 

A stream of crackling blue lanced out and hit the sentinel as the kickback slammed Marty against the cabin wall. The sentinel attempted to rip a piece of the train off, when a wave of glowing purple swept through it and its sensors blinked off. Dead, it paused for a moment in midair... and then it fell down into the mass of APU's and squashed several unfortunate bacteria. 

"Thanks," Neo said. Then he yelled at Ted to stop kicking because it was making the train shake. 

Ted continued kicking nonetheless. It's the natural, human instinctive thing to do when you're dangling out of a flying time machine surrounded by sentinels. 

Lying almost flat on the floor clutching the doorframe with his free hand, it occurred to Neo that he wasn't exactly in the best of positions to pull someone up. 

Crouched next to Neo, Marty was blasting away with the Neutrino Quartz 3000 Laser Blaster at nearby sentinels, wincing at the powerful kickbacks. He wondered why future technology hadn't been able to reduce them. 

"Ted, I said STOP KICKING!" Neo repeated. 

"I can't..." came the panicked response. Ted shot a glance at the vertiginous drop to the ground below, and he paled. 

"Look, you got to trust me on this, okay?" Neo said. "I don't know how much longer I can hold on, and it would help a lot if you stop moving so much..." 

The sentinel that had been going around in circles had somehow or other managed to make its way out of the tunnel and was now doing a rather cool version of the Macarena. In its frenzied dancing, it slammed into the train again. Dazedly, it made its way off to find a partner to do the tango with. 

"Dad!" Verne shouted over the noise. "Can you possibly try not to hit every single one of them?" 

Emmett muttered darkly under his breath, his eyes searching for a clear path ahead. He glanced back to see the activity at the cabin's rear, and his eyes widened. This had not been such a good idea after all... 

Behind him, Neo tried to shift into a more comfortable position. 

"Ted, listen to me. When the next sentinel comes by, use it as a surface to kick off from and I'll try to pull you up, okay?" Neo paused, wondering if he had heard. "Ted? Are you listening to me?" 

The teen's frightened eyes came up to meet his, and Neo felt a chill run down his spine. They'd never had direct eye contact before... not like this... 

_This is not normal_, he thought feverishly. _This is not, not, not normal..._

Neo blinked several times and tried to ignore it. "Marty... stop shooting for a while. Standby to pull him up." 

Putting down the Neutrino Quar - sod it - gun, Marty dropped to the floor and reached out of the train, only to quickly withdraw his hand as the open train door swung dangerously close to it. 

The sentinels noticed that the firing had ceased, and several cautiously approached the train. 

"Okay, there's one coming n.." 

A tentacle darted forward, and Ted screamed as most of his right leg was sliced open. 

Neo swore. Releasing his hold on the doorframe and hoping he wouldn't fall out as a result, he used his free hand to grab the teen and yank him up, yelling at Marty for assistance as the attacking sentinel got ready for a second strike. 

Between the two of them, they pulled Ted back into the cabin, where he lay hyperventilating on the floor and dripping blood. Marty grabbed the swinging door and slammed it shut. 

"DOC!" he yelled. "He's in! Let's go!" 

One hand on the steering, Emmett keyed in the destination date into the time circuits. Then, spotting a clear way ahead, he hit the accelerator. 

"Right," he shouted to his passengers. "Prepare for temporal displacement!" 

Eighty-eight miles per hour. The familiar blue light flooded the cabin, and the chaos around dissolved into nothingness. 

XXXX 

_TO BE CONTINUED..._ I miss Frank. 

XXXX 

Kleenexwoman: Uh, I generally don't post my original fiction online because I'm scared of plagiarism. The only original stories I have here are the band ones; I uploaded this novella called The Reed onto my website, but apparently there used to be some problems accessing it. I'm not sure if the link works now: www(.)geocities(.)com(/)skywater(underscore)revisited(/)thereed(.)pdf. 

Back to Front: Yep, Neo killed a bird. Not exactly, actually. The bird just flew into the window because it was staring at his really cool sunglasses. I don't know if Eddie will get revenge. And the sofa was taken from the third book of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy five-part trilogy... I don't know if it's special. Maybe it was. You could ask Douglas Adams, only that he's dead. Thanks for reviewing! 

HyperCaz: Oh! The second chapter of the Hitchhiker's e-mail fic is up! Go read! Yeah, birds fly into anything. One flew into my house once through a window, alighted on the staircase, then flew out another window. In my old home a bird once built a nest in a potted plant outside my family's apartment, and laid four eggs there. They hatched when we were on holiday though, so when we came back there were four baby birds in their place... They were fluffy and brownish-blackish. Now and then the mother bird would fly by with a worm for them. Then after some time they all flew away. Sigh. 

flux capacitor...uh..fluxing: Nope, I don't live in New Zealand or Australia. I live somewhere else. Actually I think you might guess my country quicker if you try the places where you think I most probably don't live in. But since you've got so far, just continue as per normal and you'll get there eventually. :P The sheep... it'll appear again sometime, I'll promise. 

Gijinka Renamon: Okay, I continued... everyone seems to find this fic very confusing. Actually I think so too, so I can't say anything about it. Thanks for your review! 

Amythest: o.O Yeah, Algernon. Algernon is a mouse. He died. Both the original one and Verne's one. 

Arica: Nope, it's not too late to send e-mails. How'd you do the 'at' symbols? Or does FFN allow them in reviews now? Thanks for reviewing! 

emails: Sorry, real person fics aren't allowed here on FFN... Hey! I like Bob Heinlein! 

Jellyman Squirt: You read it all in one day? Wow. Uh, if you want a pair of really cool sunglasses, I know a place that sells them; it has a whole lot of movie stuff there. Like the Matrix sunglasses, the LOTR rings and all that... not that you probably live anywhere near me. Creative juices come from the creative fruit. Um, yeah. Thanks for your review! 

TwilightSentry: Thanks a lot for the 'at' symbols! They work. ;P Technically, the rips haven't sealed yet, but the e-mailing just stopped because the storyline didn't provide much room for e-mails after a while. 

Kitty the drunken butterfly: Yep, there's LOTR in there. Thanks for reviewing! 

Inspector Brown: Um. I don't know why these people don't discuss matters of importance in these e-mails. Pity you left off at Chapter 13. If you'd stayed on one more chapter, it would have been the prose bits with less e-mails. 

Grim Reaper: YOU HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES. Fact 1: The average review alert e-mail from FFN is 1 or 2kb in size. Fact 2: The size of your last review was FIFTY-SEVEN KB. I thought it was a virus or something. Please stop killing my Internet. It's not unlimited. The amount my family uses is equivalent to the amount we pay. You owe me several cents now. I mean, I definitely appreciate your reviews and I don't mean to offend you, but there's a limit to everything... the time you reviewed almost every chapter of every single fic of mine, I nearly had a heart attack when I opened my e-mail. It's tantamount to stalking, you know. If you want, you could just e-mail me instead; my e-mail address is in my bio. :P 


	24. Ruminations

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the fandoms in this fic. And this is not an actor fic, so it would also be very nice of them if Michael Andrew Fox and Keanu Charles Reeves don't decide to sue me. 

Okay, my younger brother made me tell you that the last chapter was his idea, so... It was his idea. Yeah. I spent the nights before writing it agonising him every night on what to write for that chapter, and he so gave me the storyline more or less. It was the best of many improbable ideas he tossed out among the rest, a scary amount of which involved slash. I think my brother has serious issues. My friends says its my influence. 

I'm feeling depressed because my country didn't release _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ on 29th April as most of the world did. They're pushing forward the date for some inexplicable reason. So much for my daily countdown... 

My mid-year exams are in about a week. That's why I'm posting this chapter - so I wouldn't give in to the temptation to write when I should be studying. Actually I should be studying now. But that's beside the point. 

A few days ago I took this random test, and I have an AQ (Autistic Quotient) of 34. Apparently the average normal female scores 15 and the average male scores 17. 80 of autistic people score above 32, with an average of 35. Um. I got 34. Does this mean anything important? And I apparently have a lot of symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome. I never knew my fascination with telephone directories, dictionaries, weather reports and airport timetables were a sign of possible AS... They're just really fun to read. Really. 

Sorry if this chapter's kind of short. 

Reeves withers spoon - The Matrix in a nutshell. Got that off www(.)fwfr(.)com. One entry described BTTF as 'Twentieth Century Fox' and BTTF2 as 'Twenty-First Century Fox. No entry for BTTF3 though.

* * *

**

Chapter Twenty-Three

**

Sometime in the late twenty-second or early twenty-third century About a week or two after The Matrix Zion Control Centre 

Zion Controller Steven Dent took a sip from his cup of steaming hot tea, made from the fragrant tealeaves he had grown himself. Admittedly, the beverage didn't taste as great as he'd hoped, but it was the best he could do to satisfy his tea cravings. He needed tea. He wanted tea. "My Preciousssss..." he murmured, eyes half-closed as he stroked the cup's warm metal body. 

Being on duty at the Control Centre for so long with nothing much happening had taken a slight toll on Steven's mental health. Lifting the cup of tea to his mouth, he breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet aroma of freshly brewed tea. A slow smile spread across his face. 

"Ahhhhh..." he sighed, savouring the moment. Steven shot a casual glance at the computer screens around him. No ships were slated for arrival any time soon, the radar was clear of any sentinels, and there was basically nothing much to do at the moment. One of his fellow Zion Controllers was stuck in the toilet with a bad stomachache, and the other was lost to the world, busy illegally playing Minesweeper on one of the spare computers. 

"It's just you and me, baby," Steven whispered seductively to his cup of tea, cradling it protectively in his hands. 

And then a colourful, flying train blasted out of nowhere, its accompanying sonic booms shattering the quiet moment between Steven Dent and his tea. 

"What the..." 

Unable to comprehend exactly what had just happened, Steven stared open-mouthed as the train zoomed past. It took a while for him to realise that he had accidentally knocked over his tea in the process. Gasping in horror at the sight of his Precious spilt all over the sensitive computer equipment, it took him quite a while longer to realise that he should be doing something about the train. But what? Try as he might, Steven was unable to recall any instructions regarding the correct plan of action to execute when a colourful flying train materialised out of nowhere. 

He glanced at the other man in the room. "Kyn?" he asked hopefully. 

Kyn muttered something about there being only fifteen mines left, and said no more after that. 

Shakily, Steven took a drink from what little was left of his tea. Tea helped him to think, helped to clear his mind... He rushed towards one of the computers and tried to hail the train on all frequencies. 

"Unidentified vehicle, this is Zion Control. Please identify yourself." 

There was no response. The time train didn't have any communication equipment. Steven tried again. 

"Unidentified vehicle, this is Zion Control. I repeat, please identify yourself." 

No response. Steven tried a third time. 

"IDENTIFY YOURSELF, YOU SODDING FREAKS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU MADE ME TO DO MY... tea..." Steven Dent looked once more at his Precious, spilt all over the sensitive computer equipment - half of which were now making strange buzzing sounds and giving off sparks - and a large sob escaped him. 

He couldn't take it any longer. Collapsing into his seat, Steven broke out in tears. 

He hated his job.

* * *

When the electric blue light of temporal displacement faded away and they found themselves flying over Zion post-_The Matrix-Part-One_, Verne doubted that it was a good sign that his first thought was, "Now what?" 

For information about the _Matrix_ universe that had initially slipped his mind was now coming back full force, and the reality of the situation was starting to hit him; they were not in a good situation. And the only person to blame was himself. It had been his idea to get into Zion via the sentinel tunnel from _Revolutions_, and perhaps the excitement of coming up with an idea like that on the spur of the moment had stopped him from considering the possible consequences. 

But he was only seven-years-old, Verne thought desperately, trying to find an excuse. What did they expect from him? Yet he was the only one amongst the five who knew a substantial amount about the _Matrix_ universe - it was one of the main reasons why his father had let him come along on the rescue mission in the first place. Neo's knowledge of his world only covered the first third of the trilogy from what he had experienced himself, and the other three were basically clueless in that area. 

They had entered this part of the journey on the words of a seven-year-old kid. One who was unusually bright for his age, like his brother and father before him, but still a child nonetheless. A child who had cowered in fear when the sentinels had attacked. 

But there was no use dwelling on that now. Verne tried to sort things out in his mind, trying to figure out what their next move should be... 

First and foremost, there was the whole problem of Neo being here in Zion, now. He wasn't supposed to step foot in the city until _Matrix Reloaded_, several months ahead. That meant that as few people as possible - if any - should be notified of his presence, lest history be changed with possibly destructive results. Somehow or other, they had to find a way to get Neo back on the hovercraft _Nebuchadnezzar_ - which was now far away in some sewer or other, hardly reachable by the time train. They would need another form of transport. 

Secondly, having got into Zion, there was now the inevitable dilemma of how to get _out_ of Zion. Of course, there was always the option of going back the same way they'd come, but if it was going to be anything like the ordeal they'd just gone through the first time, Verne didn't think it a good idea. 

Thirdly, after the sentinel attack, Ted's leg needed medical care, and fast. Maybe they could go back to their universe and get him to a hospital in the future, but that brought up once again the issue of how they were going to get out of Zion in the first place. The other alternative was to find help here in this universe, but that would mean involving a whole lot of people who might be better off not being involved, and there would be bound to be a lot of questions... 

For once, Verne wished that Jules were here to yell at his incompetence and then miraculously come up with a wonderfully logical way to solve everything. A couple of die-hard _Matrix_ fans with an encyclopaedic knowledge of the universe and the options available could be useful too. 

As it was, he just had no idea what to do.

* * *

_This hadn't been that easy after all_, Emmett Brown thought with a grimace. So much for thinking that this would be quick... 

In his last e-mail, Marty had told him that there were four of them all together to be picked up. That was fine. He'd expected to just enter each universe and drop off one of them at a time, something that wouldn't require more than five minutes each, at most. 

He didn't like being wrong at times like this. 

Neo was the last one; after this he could return to his own universe. His own home. But it seemed so far away now. Maybe this whole rescue mission had been a mistake... but if he hadn't come, the four would most probably be dead by now. 

So perhaps it had all been for the best. At least there was still hope that everything would work out fine from here onwards and there wouldn't be too much trouble. 

He hoped.

* * *

Marty had thought that everything was going to be all right when Doc had arrived to rescue them from Keith's universe. Somehow he'd had the idea that from that moment, everything would just quietly and smoothly resolve and he'd be back home again before he knew it, with only the memory of his dimensional travels to remind him of all that had happened. 

But as it was, more than half a day had passed since they left the 'real world'. And Marty realised that he might not be home for quite some time more. 

They could still die here. The last few minutes had served to prove that they were not safe yet; the danger was by no means over. 

Furthermore, the look on Verne's face disturbed the teen. This had been Verne's idea, and they had managed to get where they'd intended... so what reason did Verne have to be worried? 

Marty had a bad feeling about this. 

A shout from Doc shook the teen out of his thoughts. He scrambled over to the front and tried not to lose his balance in the process. "Yeah?" 

"Ask Neo where we should land," Emmett said, scanning the metallic catwalks below for a suitable landing spot. 

"Sure," Marty replied, and went back to the others.

* * *

_So this was Zion,_ Neo thought, raising himself from the cabin floor to look out the window. _The last human city..._

He had heard so much about this place, but he'd never actually been here before. And he never thought that he would be arriving in a flying train; it wasn't exactly the most common form of transportation around. 

Then Neo wondered just how he was going to get back on the _Nebuchadnezzar_. Maybe they had come back to Zion when they discovered that he had mysteriously vanished, but he doubted that they were near enough to have made it so quickly. 

So how was he going to get back? He didn't think that he could expect Dr. Brown to send all of them through the sewers in the train to look for the ship, if the train could even fly in such conditions. 

Unless he stayed in Zion until someone picked him up... 

Verne looked troubled. Neo gathered that that was not a good sign.

* * *

Lying face-up on the wooden planks of the train with his pulse racing, all Ted Logan could think about was the pain. His right leg felt as though it had been ripped apart; which it more or less had. Blood streamed down to pool on the floor, seeping into his sock that then clung to his foot in a sickening manner. 

He tried to raise himself on one arm, when a wave of nausea swept through him and he had to lie back down again, his head spinning from the blood loss. Ted squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from coming. His leg hurt, it hurt so bad... 

Stepping over the blood, Neo reached the back of the cabin and crouched down beside him. "Ted?" he asked quietly. 

The teen's eyes opened, then turned slowly to Neo. 

"You okay?" 

"No..." 

There was a pause. 

"Sorry," Neo said after some time. "I should have pulled you up earlier..." 

Climbing over Verne, Marty came over to join them. "Doc wants to know where we should land," he asked Neo, sitting down on one of the benches and glancing at Ted. 

"Ask Verne. I've never been here before. I don't know the place any better than you." 

"What? I thought you _lived_ h..." 

"No. Keith got me when I was on a hovercraft in one of the old sewer systems. You can get to them either from Zion or from the surface, but that's more dangerous." 

Marty blinked, taking in the information. "Okay... so how are you going to get there?" 

"I don't know." 

Not knowing what else to do, the both of them stared at Verne. The boy looked away, and suddenly developed an intense interest with the floor.

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

As you may or may not have realised, I have writer's block. 

Oh, and if you want to see it, here's an alternate unedited first bit of Chapter 22 that I wrote before my brother gave me a better storyline that turned out to be not that much better after all. 

**THE ALTERNATE CHAPTER 22**

"How're we going to get into Zion?" Verne asked suddenly. 

Marty looked over. "What?" 

"We're sending Neo home now, right? And we can't just drop him off onto the surface, because there's no one there. Zion's underground." 

Everybody turned to stare at Neo, who had been in the midst of wondering what he would do if the ghost of the bird he'd killed came back to haunt him. 

"Uh..." he started, when a loud beeping sound came from the computer attached to the time circuits. Quickly, Emmett turned towards it and hurriedly typed on the keyboard. Various diagrams and stuff flashed onto the screen, and Doc's face turned pale. "Great Scott..." 

Neo got up and walked towards the inventor. "What happened?" 

Doc was silent for a while. "Two people were just taken out of my universe from the late nineteenth century." 

Marty blinked. "Clara and Jules?" 

"Who else could it be..." 

Outside, Frank strolled over to see what was taking them so long. He peeked into the open cabin. "Uh... what's going on?" 

"Doc thinks Clara and Jules might have been kidnapped. Probably by Keith." 

Frank climbed into the train and stared thoughtfully at the computer. "They're bait. Keith wants us back." 

"So why didn't he just zap us over then with that machine thing?" Marty asked. 

Emmett stared at the fluctuating images on the screen. "He wants the train," he said after a while. 

"So why didn't he just zap it over?" Marty asked, having developed a sudden fascination with the word 'zap'. 

"'Cause it's too big, dude," Ted piped up from the back. "The train can't fit into that room in the hotel. And then he'd have it get it out the door." 

Marty was about to ask why Keith didn't just zap the door then, but thought better of it and shut up.

* * *

Palidin: Thanks for reviewing! 

Stoko: I remember when I was young I liked to listen to this tape of songs, and one of them was called 'Ten Green Bottles Hanging on the Wall'. It was my favourite song for some reason. That tape had to come from somewhere... All my friends also know the green bottle version. Yeah, maybe it's a regional thing. 

Anonymous-cat: Yeah, that's a good question. I don't know how they're going to get Neo home. Ideas? ;P 

Mini Black Raven: Um, don't try to emulate Grim Reaper's extremely long reviews... okay, I updated. Thanks for reviewing! 

flux capacitor...fluxing: Men in Black! Have you watched The Matrix? Thanks for your review! 

Jake Skywalker: ... Never mind. 

HyperCaz: Yay! You watched H2G2 yet? If yes, how was it? I hope the newspapers show something about the people going to the cinemas with their towels. It'd be funny. 

Eternal Density: Yep! Thanks for reviewing! 

Gijinka Renamon: Updated. ;P Thanks for your review! 

Rhia: Uh... it's much more than just a reference. Why'd you stop at the second chapter? 

Back to Front: Nah, doesn't exactly rhyme... Thanks for your review! 


	25. Bonus Chapter 2: Towel Day

Hi there! 

Towel Day falls on 25th May every year. It's a day on which you're supposed to have your towel with you, or at least know where it is. 

And so, to commemorate this day in advance, I'm posting a bunch of froody extracts from Part Two of the novelisation. 

H2G2 is being released 2nd June over here. I'll be going to watch it after my exams. I think. I hope. 

Douglas Adams was born on the 11th of March (incidentally the same day as Neo) 1952 and died aged 49 years and 2 months on the 11th of May 2001. He was six feet over... now he's six feet under. 

May he rest in peace. This chapter is for him. ;P 

Random fact: The critical angle of glass is 42 degrees. This comes in really useful during Physics exams... and now I've become this crazy person in class who knows the critical angle of glass by heart. 

Star Wars 3 is out... I'll go watch it. Soon.

* * *

**THE EXTRACTS**

Meanwhile, unnoticed by everyone else, two visitors had suddenly appeared in this white room where Neo, Frank and Marty had been just moments before. They were Arthur Philip Dent, the supposed sole human survivor of the destroyed planet Earth, and Ford Prefect, an alien researcher for _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. They had arrived in this dimension by virtue of the Improbability Drive - possibly the only way such a thing could have happened considering that the chances of the both of them spontaneously ending up in a dimension in which they were fictional were one zillion, two quadrillion, seven billion, three million, five hundred thousand and six to one against. 

"Where are we?" Arthur asked, blinking blearily at his surroundings. 

"Good question," Ford replied, walking towards the door and opening it as the ripple of coloured light over their heads faded away. 

"How did we get here?" Arthur asked. 

"The Improbability Drive, I suppose." Ford looked out at the corridor. No one there. 

"You don't sound very worried." 

"We'll get back, don't worry. It's just a matter of time." Ford glanced back at his friend. "Come on. We might just as well find out where we are." 

Uncertainly, Arthur followed Ford out the door. 

They took the lift down to the ground floor of the hotel and went outside. From what Arthur could see of his surroundings, the place looked a lot like Earth. Perhaps slightly different that what he remembered, but still almost definitely Earth. 

Arthur was now feeling very confused, and the feeling was growing with each passing second. Hadn't Earth been blown up by the Vogons to make way for an interstellar bypass? If so, then where were they? 

"I think we're somewhere on Earth," Ford commented casually. "It looks like Los Angeles to me." 

"What?" Arthur yelled. Yelling made him feel more in control and less confused. "I thought Earth was destroyed! You said so yourself!" 

Several passers-by gave Arthur strange looks. It wasn't every day that they got to see a British guy wearing a mud-caked night robe and standing in the middle of the street exclaiming that he thought Earth had been destroyed. 

"Stop panicking, Arthur," Ford said calmly. "There's nothing wrong." He paused. "I think." 

"You think?" Arthur asked. "Sorry, but that's just not very comforting at the moment." Arthur spotted a McDonald's across the street. He remembered feeling a great sense of despair some years ago upon realising that he'd never get to eat another McDonald's burger again, but the fast food restaurant was plainly in his sights now. "Look, and there's a McDonald's there too," he added lamely. 

"Right then, we can go there first if you want. Are you hungry? " 

Arthur mumbled something about wanting a cup of nice, hot tea because it might make everything make more sense. 

The two inter-dimensional hitchhiker's set off across the road, where Arthur then realised that he had no money to pay for his tea after standing in line for two minutes. Apologising, he told the person behind the counter that she would have to take it back. 

"Oh, and by the way," he asked, "what planet is this?" 

The McDonald's girl, Jessica, arched an eyebrow. "Earth," she said, wondering who this weirdo was who had just ordered tea he didn't have money to pay for and was now asking a question no person in their right mind would ask. 

"Ah. Thanks." 

"Are you one of those _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ nuts or something?" Jessica asked as she took back the cup of tea. 

Arthur blinked. She knew about the Guide? He was getting more and more confused by the second. "What?" 

"Going around in a night robe like that and asking for tea... who d'you think you are, Arthur Dent? I suppose you carry a towel everywhere too, huh?" 

"Um..." 

"Well, whatever it is, if you're not ordering anything, can you please move aside? You're holding up the line." 

Completely befuddled, Arthur left the counter and returned to the table where Ford was sitting and fiddling with his electronic thumb as he tried to flag down a passing spaceship. For some reason, there didn't seem to be any around. 

"You think the Improbability Drive brought us here?" Arthur asked. 

"Most likely." 

"But... what are the chances that it would dump us on an exact replica of the Earth - which, _by the way_, happens to have been destroyed - where a McDonald's worker knows my name and the Guide and asks me about towels? It's impossible!" 

"Not impossible. Improbable." Ford wondered why there didn't seem to be any spaceships around the area, then decided that it didn't matter because even if there was one, there was no need to board it. If the Improbability Drive had brought them here, it could very well bring them back. "Maybe all this is just an illusion that the Improbability Drive created. Or maybe," he added as an afterthought, "it just sent us back in time again." 

Arthur thought that was a possibility, though if it were up to him to say so, what little of this place he had seen so far seemed to be more like the future than the past to him. Then again, if Ford was right, this was America and things were strange in America. 

Arthur went to stand in line again. When Jessica saw him again, she sighed. "How may I help you?" 

"Excuse me... what year is this?"

* * *

The first thing that Neo noticed when Keith shut him into his five-star prison was the glaring absence of a computer. Looking dismally around the room, he realised that Keith had probably known better than to put a computer hacker like him into a room with Internet access. 

_Just how much does Keith know about me anyway?_ Neo wondered, discomfited. Keith hadn't told him anything at all apart from the fact that he happened to be some fictional movie character, which Neo still found a little hard to believe. He admitted that his life was strange, but even then... 

That was _Marty McFly_ next door. The-guy-from-_Back-to-the-Future_. Neo had watched that trilogy, back in his life plugged into the Matrix... Marty McFly wasn't supposed to exist; yet there he was. Neo bet that the teen didn't think he was fictional either. None of the three of them did. Why would they? They had each grown up in their own world, each convinced that he was real, with no reason to suspect otherwise. 

How did they even know that this world was the real one? Was there any definitive 'real world' in the first place? Or just a whole series of parallel universes, the inhabitants of each filled with the selfish notion that _their_ world was the real one, the only one that mattered... 

In some other parallel universe out there, Neo might just as well happen to be a purple-spotted fish with radioactive fins and a penchant for shiny things. The possibilities were endless. 

And in this universe he just so happened to be fictional. But in that case, couldn't Keith have at least told him the title of the movie he was supposedly from? Or the name of the person who'd acted as him? With his luck, the latter was probably some weird guy with some foreign name that no one could pronounce. He probably couldn't act either. Not that Neo would be able to see if that was truly the case, for the simple fact that THERE WAS NO COMPUTER. 

Feeling faintly annoyed, Neo walked towards the windows in the room and pushed aside a curtain. Night had fallen outside. A backwards glance at the digital clock on the bedside table showed the time to be 11:42 pm. 

The ground wasn't far down, which was good if Neo somehow managed to overcome his fear of heights and decide to escape that way. Although what Keith had told the other two was true: if he escaped, where would he go? He'd be no better off anywhere out there than here. 

Releasing his hold of the curtain and letting it fall back into place, Neo sat down on one of the two beds and buried his face in his hands. 

He thought about the rest of the crew on board the Nebuchadnezzar. What would they do when the discovered he had suddenly vanished? Or did they even exist in the first place, outside his memories? And Trinity... did she exist, either? 

"Trin..." 

Neo lifted his head from his hands to stare dispiritedly at his reflection in the mirror opposite. 

And not for the first time, but ever more so now, he wondered who he was.

* * *

The Preston Residence   
San Dimas, California 

"Bugs Bunny with a banana in the swimming pool," Bill guessed. 

Ted reached out and flipped over the three facedown cards in their modified game of Cluedo. 

"Sorry, dude," the teen said, looking at the cards. "It was Donald Duck with a loaf of bread in the broom cupboard." 

Bill sighed. "Bogus." 

Returning his card to the deck, he cleared the board and looked at his friend. "Want another game, dude?" 

"Okay," Ted said, when the telephone rang in the hallway. "I'll get it," he offered, hopping off his chair. 

"Thanks." 

Entering the hallway, Ted suddenly thought he saw a ripple of coloured light zip through the air. He looked again, but it had gone... and he was prevented from wondering about it any longer by the ringing telephone. Picking up the receiver, the teen put it to his ear. "Hello?" 

"Hi, Prosser's Pizzeria? Ah, I'd like to order two extra large pepperoni cheese pizzas with extra pepperoni, cheese and crust... um, make that three pizzas. Yeah, and two..." 

Ted blinked. 

"...with a roll of garlic bread on the side, and..." The voice grew temporarily fainter as the speaker called out to someone else in the room. "Hey, Marge, want any ice cream?" 

"Sure!" came the faint reply. "Ask if they have raspberry." 

"..." Ted said. 

The caller came back to the phone. "Yeah, uh, do you have any raspberry ice cream available today? I'd like two..." 

Ted finally found his voice. "Um, I think you've got the wrong number," he said. 

There was a pause. 

"This isn't Prosser's Pizzeria on 4077 Potato Avenue?" 

"Uh, no..." 

The caller swore. "Then why didn't you say so earlier, kid?" 

Muttering obscenities, the man hung up, leaving Ted dumbly holding the receiver at the other end. 

He was about to put down the phone when another ripple of light flashed past his eyes. Ted Logan stared... and an instant later, he was yanked out of his world. 

Getting off his seat, Bill walked out of the room. "Ted?" 

There was no reply. 

"Ted? Dude, where are you?" 

Bill entered the hallway, but all he saw was the telephone dangling off the hook and his friend nowhere in sight.

* * *

"2004?" Arthur Dent mumbled dazedly as he put the newspaper back down. Jessica hadn't been too helpful when he'd asked about the year, so he and Ford had had to find it out for themselves. "How can we be in the future?" 

"Why not?" Ford replied. "It's as good a time as any." 

"And how do you propose we get back?" 

Ford thought for a moment. "The same way we got here, I suppose. The Improbability Drive." 

"Nothing's happening," Arthur remarked dryly. 

"Maybe that's because it's too probable that we might just get whisked back home while we're standing here." Ford paused. "Do something improbable," he suggested. 

"What?" 

"Climb up that lamppost and sing nursery rhymes backwards out of tune. In your underwear," he added as an afterthought. 

"_What?_" 

"Think about it. What are the chances that doing that would get us back home?" 

"Not much." 

"Precisely." 

Arthur just couldn't argue with that kind of logic.

* * *

Arthur Dent had no idea as to why he was actually doing what Ford had suggested. He had no idea if Ford was even being serious. All he knew was that he had stripped down to his underwear, and was now climbing up a lamppost singing 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' backwards and out of tune. 

Frankly speaking, the out of tune part was not a problem at all, considering that Arthur had never been a very musical person and did not know the tune of the song in reverse. As a matter of fact, not many people do. 

"Snow... as... white... was... fleece," Arthur sang pathetically, as his alien friend stood at the bottom of the lamppost guarding his clothes. 

"Lamb... little... lamb little, lamb little..." 

People were starting to stare. Ford waved at them and smiled. 

Halfway up the lamppost, Arthur was starting to feel cold. 

"Lamb little... a... had... Mary," he sang, finishing the song. He waited for several seconds, then turned to look down at Ford. "I don't think it's working!" Arthur yelled, before noticing the crowd surrounding them. He gave a sheepish smile. 

A man pulled out his phone and called the police. 

"Try another song!" Ford shouted up. 

Arthur had begun to shiver from the cold and was contemplating getting back down and asking Ford to do it instead. What difference did it make, anyway? However, Arthur had by then reached the stage where he didn't really care any more. There was a wild sense of release to it - here he was, up a lamppost in nothing but his underwear, singing nursery rhymes back-to-front... 

"After... tumbling... came... Jill," he started, with a little more enthusiasm than before.

* * *

**END**

Random off-topic rant: I KNOW THE FULL NAMES OF 42 CELEBRITIES BY HEART! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA... I made a list that day to see how many I knew. If you're bored, here's it is: 

**1.** Michael Andrew Fox; **2.** Christopher Allen Lloyd; **3.** Lea Katherine Thompson; **4.** Crispin Hellion Glover; **5.** Thomas Frederick Wilson; **6.** Elijah Jordan Wood; **7.**Wendie Jo Spencer (played Linda McFly); **8.** Todd Cameron Brown (played Jules Brown) 

Non-BTTF: 

**9.** Alan Sidney Patrick Rickman; **10.** Samuel Leroy Jackson; **11.** Ewan Gordon McGregor; **12.** Jacob Christopher Lloyd (aka Jake Lloyd); **13.** Hugo Wallace Weaving; **14.** Keanu Charles Reeves; **15.** Willard Christopher Smith Jr. (aka Will Smith); **16.** Tobias Vincent Maguire (aka Tobey Maguire); **17.** James Eugene Carrey (aka Jim Carrey); **18.** JOHN TOWNER WILLIAMS!; **19.** Howard Davis Shore (this one I'm not too sure); **20.** Thomas Cruise Maphother IV (aka Tom Cruise); **21.** Thomas Sean Connery (aka Sean Connery); **22.** Matthew Paige Damon (aka Matt Damon); **23.** Benjamin Geza Affleck (aka Ben Affleck); **24.** Robin McLaurim Williams; **25.** Brendan James Fraser; **26.** Julie Fiona Roberts; **27.** Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra (aka Meg Ryan... um.); **28.** Sandra Annette Bullock; **29.** George Walton Lucas Jr.; **30.** Edwin Rodman Serling (aka Rod Serling); **31.** Edward Regan Murphy (aka Eddie Murphy); **32.** Sylvester Enzio Stallone; **33.** Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio; **34.** David Jude Law; **35.** John Ron?ald Reuel Tolkien; **36.** Joanne Kathleen Rowling; **37.** William Bradley Pitt (aka Brad Pitt); **38.** Angelina Jolie Voight; **39.** Shaun Mark Bean (aka Sean Bean); **40.** Nicholas Kim Coppola (aka Nicholas Cage); **41.** Elvis Aaron Presley; **42.** Douglas Noel Adams. 

I got most of them off this book which was this hoopy compilation of Hollywood A-C listers; MJF was at number 188 or 181 or something, which is sad. I saw the book once at the library long ago, then I saw it again that day and thought I'd read through the whole thing and see how many people's full names I could remember... I'd got to around number 30+ when we had to go home. 

I have selective photographic memory. I can remember stuff like this and the fact that there were 97 tiles on the floor of the kitchen of this person I visited once, but when it comes to useful things like being able to recite the Periodic Table or maths formulas from memory, I can't do it.

* * *

**HyperCaz**: Heheh. Why wasn't anyone else wearing a towel? From the threads at IMDB, it seemed like everyone was going to... A lot of people seemed to think the song was the best part. What's Journey of the Soceror? Tea is good. Madagascar? What's that got to do with anything? ;P 

**Anonymous-cat**: When I next get hold of the school computers I'm going to hang around Matrix fansites and leech information from them. Hopefully it might help. It might also make things worse... Yeah, they could contact the Nebuchadnezzar, but the main problem is that I don't know how far away from Zion the Neb is. My brother said several months, but I don't believe him... then again, I can't be sure. THEY CAN'T HOLD STEVE'S TEA HOSTAGE! IT'S THE ONLY THING HE HAS LEFT IN LIFE! ;P Thanks for reviewing! 

**Stoko**: Ah. So the British version is green bottles after all... That means I'll have to change the version in this fic, considering that the singers are all American... A hundred beer bottles, hanging on the wall. :blinks: It's not the same, somehow. Thanks for your review! 

**flux capacitor...fluxing**: YEAH! LLAMAS:D 

**Gijinka Renamon**: H2G2 'looks' funny? Uh... okay. Yep, MJF's middle name is Andrew. But he didn't want people referring to him as 'Michael, A Fox'. 

**Eternal Density**: Pizza delivery... um. There seems to be a lot of pizza going around... The green bottle gag hasn't been played out to its fullest yet. It will. Heh. Thanks for reviewing! 

**Grim Reaper**: Oops. Sorry, must have missed it... happens sometimes, because I have to minimise the Internet windows whenever I type review replies and if I scroll too fast I end up skipping reviews. Um, please don't send a long 'continue' review to 'So Long, and Thanks for All the Phish'. I don't know when my friends and I are going to continue it, considering that: 1) We just finished exams. At least they have. I've got an O Level exam 30th May; 2) School vacation is coming, and we won't be able to see each other much; 3) We haven't decided on the next chapter yet. We'll continue it when we do. 

**Back to Front**: 'Shiny'? Strange adjective for a chapter... ;P You have serious issues. Do you know people can get sued for same actor slash? Uh, mice? What mice? 

**ladyvella42**: Okay then, continue reading! 


	26. Homeward Bound

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, as usual. 

I'VE WATCHED THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY! And Star Wars: Episode III. Ah, now my life is complete. ;P 

This should be the second-last chapter, excluding the epilogue. The next update won't take long, if all goes well... It was meant to be part of this chapter, but it would've been too long. I've got it more or less written out in my head, so it's just a matter of finding time to write and type and edit it. Meanwhile, I've got random tests and stuff in school, as well as this day where we're allowed to dress up as random movie characters. (Me and two of my friends wanted to go as Jedi, but we didn't have anything that could be used as robes. The closest one of them had was a bathrobe, but for some reason she didn't like my idea of us wearing bathrobes and carrying towels and trying to pass off as hitchhikers. I admit that it could get quite a lot of strange looks, though, especially considering that there aren't many H2G2 fans in my school.) 

To add to that list of full names: Steven Allan Spielberg, John Christopher Depp II, Zooey Claire Deschanel, Andrew Paul Wachowski, Susan Alexandra Weaver (Sigourney Weaver), Richard Frank Oznowicz (Frank Oz), Alec Guinness de Cuffe, Dante Terrell Smith (Mos Def), Carrie Frances Fisher, Peter Wilton Cushing. And I know most of their birthdays by heart too. Yay.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

They landed, putting down on one of the large metal catwalks. Doc got out of the driver's seat and moved over to the rest. A quick glance around was all he needed to assess the situation. 

"Can you find your way back home from here?" he asked Neo. 

Neo hesitated, then shook his head. "No. I'm sorry...I don't exactly live in the city itself. I live on a ship - hovercraft - and it could be anywhere now." 

"Do you know how to find it?" 

"No." 

Doc took a deep breath. "Great Scott," he muttered softly. His eyes hovered over the group of four in the cabin, then settled briefly on the injured Ted. 

They were running out of time, and he knew it. They were in a time machine, and they were running out of time, in a situation in which the only possible option seemed to be to wait; wait and see if perhaps some new opportunity might come their way, or if the Improbability Drive decided to lend them a hand once more so they could get out of... 

Four sonic booms suddenly shook the air. 

"What the..." 

The five travellers cast stunned looks at each other, then Doc opened the door and leapt out of the train with surprising agility for someone of his age. Marty made to follow him, only to be stopped by his friend. 

From the doorway, Marty watched as an unfamiliar vehicle shifted out of hover mode and came to rest on the ground not very far from them. Its door opened, and a young man got out. Glancing at the train, he walked over to Doc. "Doctor Emmett L. Brown?" he asked. 

"Yes," Doc answered warily. "And who may you be?" 

The stranger smiled. "I'm Dan Shannon. Remember me? I thought you might need some help." 

There was a moment's hesitation... then recognition dawned on Doc and a slow grin spread across his face. "Dan Shannon? From Paratech Industries?" 

"Yep, that's me." 

Standing in the doorway of the train, Marty blinked. "Who?" he mouthed, but Doc didn't see him. 

"What took you so long?" Emmett asked. 

Dan shrugged. "Well, between me keeping the Goa'uld from killing the Sailor Scouts, the Borg from assimilating the Battlestar Galactica, and having the Evil Dead along with the Necronomicon Ex Mortis eradicated from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry... I've been very busy, don't ya think?" 

Doc nodded. "I see. And how did you get here?" 

"Same way you did. Well, not quite... my time machine has a teleportation device installed in it. It made things a lot easier." 

"I would think so. How did you know where we were?" 

"I have my ways," Dan replied enigmatically. "And I guess you're Marty McFly, huh?" he asked the teen. 

Marty just stared. "Doc, who's he?" 

Emmett smiled. "A friend. And our way out of here." 

Marty remained sceptical. "Are you sure? Don't you think it's kind of a strange coincidence that he shows up just when we needed help? How'd you know Keith isn't involved in this?" 

"You'll just have to trust me," Dan said. 

_Wait a sec,_ Verne suddenly thought. _This didn't have to happen! We shouldn't have gone into Zion when the sentinels were still there! We could have gone in when the sentinels were gone, because the tunnel would still be there... and we can get out that way now! We don't need Dan's help!_

"You don't?" Dan asked confusedly, and vanished in a poof of logic. 

The world suddenly started to spin around and get fuzzy. What had happened was a rare occurrence that could only have been brought about by the Improbability Drive - the author suddenly had a new idea after writing one quarter of the chapter. This had happened once before, and was the reason why Frank Bannister was still alive and not dead as was originally intended. But that instance had been facilitated by the breaking down of the author's computer, resulting in the loss of the original chapter that then needed to be rewritten, and really wasn't the same thing at all.

* * *

__

Climbing over Verne, Marty came over to join them. "Doc wants to know where we should land," he asked Neo, sitting down on one of the benches and glancing at Ted. 

"Ask Verne. I've never been here before. I don't know the place any better than you." 

"What? I thought you lived h..." 

"No. Keith got me when I was on a hovercraft in one of the old sewer systems. You can get to them either from Zion or from the surface, but that's more dangerous." 

Marty blinked, taking in the information. "Okay... so how are you going to get there?" 

"I don't know." 

Not knowing what else to do, the both of them stared at Verne. The boy suddenly developed an intense fascination with the floor. 

The fuzz cleared, and Verne looked up. He stared. What the zarking photon had just happened? Looking around wildly, he discovered that he was still in the train, but seemed to be the only one puzzled by that. As the initiator of the strange time warp, he had been the only one who regained his memory of the future that might have been... Jumping out of his seat, he dashed over to his father's side. 

"Dad!" Verne said. "We can go back out now!" 

"What?" Emmett asked. "We haven't even dropped Neo off..." 

"You can't drop him off here! He doesn't live in the city, he was from a hovercraft, and he doesn't know where it is now... we could always go back and get Ted to a hospital first, then come back here..." 

"You want to go through all that again?" 

"We didn't have to get into Zion with the sentinels! We could have gone in when they were dead after the EMP blast, because the tunnel would have still been here..." 

Emmett looked at his son. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" 

"I forgot..." 

The inventor sighed. "Fine. We're going back. How much later do you think we need to arrive for them to be gone?" 

"Try two hours..." 

Doc entered in the last time departed into the destination time and added two hours. "Is Neo fine with this?" 

"I think so..." 

Emmett nodded and hit the accelerator. 

The electric blue cleared and they emerged into the empty space above Zion. Below them, sentinels lay in piles and humans cheered. None of them paid much attention to the time train as it zoomed upwards back through the tunnel. 

Eventually, they got out onto the surface. Doc set the dimensional coordinates, and the train headed home.

* * *

November 8, 2030   
Room 926A, Hill Valley General Hospital   
Hill Valley, California 

The evening light filtered through the gap in the curtains, filling the dim hospital room with a cool radiance. 

On the bed, Ted Logan stirred. He opened his eyes and lay there for a while, trying to remember where he was and how he'd got there. He must have blacked out somewhere along the way... 

The teenager sat up in bed and examined his right leg. It felt more or less okay now... just a slight pain when he moved it and a thin scar running down the leg were all that remained of the sentinel attack. 

Ted slowly got off the bed and hobbled towards the soundproof windows, pushing aside the curtains for a better view. 

"Whoa," he whispered in awe, taking in the futuristic scene. High above the town, hovercars swooped along the busy skylanes that weaved around the tall buildings, each one lit up brightly and displaying the occasional holo-advert. Down below, few people walked the streets, most of them heading home. 

There was a buzzing sound, and the room's door slid open to let Doc in. 

"I see you're up," Emmett said. 

Ted turned at the sound of the voice. 

"Feeling better?" Doc asked. 

Ted smiled. "Yeah." 

"Ready to go?" 

"Sure." 

The two of them headed out of the room together and onto the people mover that ran the length of the corridor. "Did they ask what happened to me?" Ted asked. 

"Yes." 

"Did you tell them?" 

"Yes." 

"What'd they say about it?" 

"I know one of the doctors here," Doc replied. "She'll take care of it. A few people had to have bits of their memories erased, but they'll be fine. I think," he added as an afterthought. 

"Where are Marty and the others?" 

"We checked into a hotel room for the night because we weren't sure how long you'd take. I'll send you home tomorrow." 

"Thanks." 

"You're welcome."

* * *

Room 31-02A, Lone Pine Hotel 

"Give me the pizza," Neo said in a dangerously soft voice, fingers closed protectively over half of the crust of the sole remaining pizza slice. 

"You had it the last time," Verne said, fingers closed protectively over the other half of the crust of the sole remaining pizza slice. 

"I only had half a slice then. And most of the toppings had fallen off. This is the last pizza I'm ever going to have in my life." 

"There's breakfast tomorrow." 

"No one has pizza for breakfast," Neo stated matter-of-factly. 

"I'm telling Dad that you tried to grab my pizza." 

"It's not your pizza." 

Verne scowled. "You had three slices. I only had two." 

"Mine were small slices." 

"Oh yeah?" 

Neo stared at the seven-year-old. "Do you know what kind of food I eat back home every single meal? It's this gooey, mushy white nutrient mix that doesn't taste of anything." 

"Mouse said it tasted like Tastee Wheat. I saw the movie." 

"And Tastee Wheat doesn't taste like anything. It's not the least bit tasty. _Therefore_..." 

Marty looked away from the peephole at the door. "Cut it out, guys. They're back." 

"Not until he gives me my pizza." 

"It's not your pizza." 

The door opened and Doc and Ted came in. Neo reluctantly released the pizza and went off to sulk while Verne happily finished off the slice. 

"Verne, it's past your bedtime," Doc said as the door shut. 

The boy's face fell. "But it's only..." 

"Taking into account the discrepancy between our time and now, it's almost eleven. Finish off that pizza and go to bed."

* * *

Room 31-02B, Lone Pine Hotel 

Neo realised that this was the first real shower he had ever taken in his life: in an actual bathroom, with actual soap and shampoo - neither of which were present in Aragorn son of Isildur's vocabulary - and actual hot water. Washing facilities on the _Nebuchadnezzar _ were limited; you sort of just splashed about under pitiful excuses for showerheads until your got clean. And the water was never warm enough. 

Whereas now... this was heaven. Neo figured that he could just stand there under the shower for another hour or so. He'd never get the chance to do so again. 

After a while, though, common sense kicked in and he regretfully turned off the water. Pushing aside the shower curtain, Neo got out and grabbed on of the most massively useful things in the universe off the rack to dry himself off with. 

It may have been the future, but nothing can ever replace a good towel, neither hairdryers nor the blow-dry machine thingies like the one that dried Marty off in _Back to the Future II_. Towels will forever remain an important part of life, whether on Earth or anywhere else in the galaxy. This is a fact. 

The bathroom door made a beeping sound, and a small green light flashed by the lock. The door slid open and Ted walked in. "Hey, Neo... Doc asked me to ask you if..." 

Neo yelped and covered himself with the towel. "I LOCKED THAT DOOR!" he yelled. 

Ted glanced at the sophisticated fingerprint recognition lock by the doorway with instructions on its usage and programming. "Oh," he said. "Sorry, dude. I just stuck my thumb there and the thing opened, so... Anyway, Doc asked..." 

"Ted?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you go out and let me change?" 

"Nah, you can go ahead, dude. There's nothing I haven't seen bef" 

"_Ted_?" 

"Yeah?" 

"_Go out._" 

The teen shrugged and complied. Minutes later, Neo came out with a towel draped over his shoulder like a froody hitchhiker. Next to the door that led to the adjoining room where Doc, Marty and Verne were was a television screen set into the wall, which, by a wholly remarkable coincidence, was currently showing the opening credits of the 2005 movie _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_. 

The view on screen was that of an underwater scene, with a bunch of dolphins swimming about. The sound of percussion and trumpets reached a crescendo, and the invisible band and choir launched into the opening song: 

"_So long, and thanks for all the fish   
So sad that it should come to this   
We tried to warn you all but oh dear..._" 

Neo glanced over at Ted sitting on the bed, eyes glued to the movie. "What did you want?" he asked. 

"..._which might explain your disrespect..._" 

"Um, Doc wanted to talk to you. Something about how you're getting home tomorrow." 

"_So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish._" 

"Right," Neo said. He dried off his hair, threw his towel onto the other bed, then went through the adjoining door into the other room. The lights were mostly off that side, and from the small extra bed came the gentle sounds of Verne breathing in his sleep. 

At the other end of the room, Doc and Marty were sitting at a table talking, a single lamp lighting up the area with a warm glow. They looked up as he arrived. 

"You wanted to see me?" 

"Yes," Doc said. "We've got to discuss how you're going to go home." 

Neo pulled up a chair and sat down. 

"Verne told me you lived on a hovercraft, and you don't know where it may be." 

"Yeah, that's right." 

"Do you know any way to contact it?" 

Neo shook his head. "Someone at Zion should be able to," he said after some hesitation. "But there would definitely be a lot of questions..." 

"That doesn't matter," Doc said. He took out a small device from his pocket that bore some resemblance to the sleep-inducing alpha rhythm generator he had used on his first trip to the future. "I got this just now from the hospital. It can erase the recent memory of any individual by identifying and destroying any neural connections made in the selected timeframe. They use it in hospitals here to help some patients forget traumatic incidents. Usually it's not available to outsiders, but I know someone at the hospital and she sold me one. If people have to know the whole story in order to help us, we'll tell them everything then wipe their memories when it's over." 

"Does it work?" Neo asked. 

Emmett looked faintly offended. "Of course!" 

"We can test it on you if you want," Marty said. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and passed them over to Neo. Marty glanced at his watch. "Write something," he said. "Something only you would know." 

Warily, Neo picked up the pen, thought a moment, then scribbled down his parents' names: John Anderson and Michelle McGahey. 

Marty took the paper and glanced at his watch again. "Fifteen seconds, Doc." 

Emmett set the timer on his device, and then brought it up and flashed it in Neo's eyes. 

Neo's first thought was that something was off in the movie music coming faintly through the adjoining door. One moment there had been something about wanting a tasty fish, then all of a sudden the words had come back in mid-sentence: 

"..._ome one and all... man and mammal_..." 

Neo blinked, then remembered the question he had been going to ask. "Does it work?" 

Marty grinned. "We just showed you." 

"What?" 

Marty pushed the paper over to him, and Neo stared down at his own handwriting. For a brief moment he thought that Ted might have written it, but he realised that wasn't possible; he doubted that the teen knew what his parents' names were. 

"Are you convinced now?" 

Neo just continued staring at the paper, feeling strangely disoriented and, for some reason, vulnerable. "Okay," he said. "So what's the plan?" 

"Tomorrow after breakfast, we go back to 1985 and drop Ted off first," Doc said. "Then I'm sending Marty home, and..." 

"No," Marty interrupted quietly. "I'm coming with you, Doc. You never know what might happen." 

Doc looked at his young friend, who just hours ago had been so keen to get home. "Are you sure?" 

Marty nodded. "Yeah." 

"Okay. So after that I'll send Verne home, then we'll head back to Zion and get in the same way, only at a later time when the sentinels are gone. We travel six months back to the time you were taken, find someone who can contact your ship and erase memories where necessary, and you'll be back where you originally were." 

There was a moment's silence as the other two took this in. 

"Sounds too easy," Neo said softly. 

"It won't be." 

Behind the door, the music reached its final crescendo. 

"_So long, so long, so long, so long, so long   
So long, so long, so long, so long, so long   
So long, so long and thanks! for all the fish._"

* * *

Room 31-02A, Lone Pine Hotel   
10:31 pm 

It felt good to be home, Marty thought as he lay in bed. Well, maybe he wasn't technically at home yet, but he was at least in the correct universe and correct town. It was just like another one of the many time travelling adventures he'd gone on with Doc. He was on familiar ground once more, and the feeling was a comforting one. 

Tomorrow he'd be home again, if all went well - which he hoped it would. Home... Keith and all that _Back to the Future_ stuff seemed so far away. He missed Frank, but even he might have never happened. The past few days felt sort of surreal; memories that were already starting to fade. 

Doc had fallen asleep, and was snoring slightly on his bed. Next to him on the extra bed, Verne rolled over, murmured something, and was silent again. 

For the first time in a long while, Marty felt safe. 

He'd be home tomorrow.

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED..._

**HyperCaz**: Yep, didn't know what Journey of the Sorceror is... It sounds familiar, though. I might have read it somewhere in one of those books about H2G2. Madagascar. I watched that. There's a zebra named Marty in it. 

**Stoko**: There's a website dedicated to Towel Day somewhere on the Internet; it has pictures of people celebrating Towel Day and stuff. What's with the different bottle songs? 'You take one down, pass it around...' that just sounds wrong. 

**Inspector Brown**: Okay. Have a nice day. 

**flux capacitor...fluxing**: Yep, Arthur needs tea. Tea makes him happy. ;P 

**The Hobbit Lass**: Nope, this isn't over. There's still about two chapters more to go, and after that there's the novelisation which I'm trying to finish by the end of next year. And yeah, I think there will be sequels. I'm planning a trilogy, but I'm not sure if I'll have the stamina to pull it off. I'll probably take a break and write some original fic in between. Thanks for reviewing:D 

**Back to Front**: Sugar is good. And yeah, I guess nothing doesn't have to do with mice. ;P 

**Anonymous-cat**: READ HITCHHIKER'S! It's funny. It's probably the most random book out there, and it was better than the movie. 

**Gijinka Renamon**: Yep, Elijah Wood was in the BTTF movies. He was one of the two young boys playing video games in Part II's 2015 who talked to Marty. 


	27. EverythingThatHasABeginningHasAnEnd

Disclaimer: Same. The same as it has always been, for the past two or so years of writing this story. 

Okay. This is the last chapter, excluding the epilogue which I hope to get up in a week's time (it's more or less finished, but it also happens to be on the other computer that at present has a nasty habit of making strange bleeping noises and spontaneously rebooting itself whenever it pleases.) This chapter is also the longest, I think. 

(I've recently discovered the book _Good Omens_ and am in the midst of reading it. It's HILARIOUS. Almost as good as Hitchhiker's. Go read!)

So... last chapter, hope you like it. ;P I'll save any final words for the epilogue.

* * *

**

THEY'VE GOT MAIL: CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

**

November 8, 2030, 12:27 p.m.   
Room 31-02B, Lone Pine Hotel  
Hill Valley, California

"I don't want to go back," Neo said quietly to no one in particular as he lay in the darkness.

In the other bed, Ted rolled over to face him. "What?"

Silence for a while. Through the walls came the sound of someone flushing the toilet in some other room.

"I want to stay here," Neo continued. "I don't want to go back underground... I'll never see the sun again if I go back. I never saw it before, not really, until Keith took me..."

Ted sincerely hoped that Neo wasn't going to start angsting away. The teen had enough problems of his own at the moment, the largest of which at present was the song 'So Long and Thanks for All the Fish' running in his head.

"But don't you want to go home, dude?"

"I doesn't feel like home," came the barely audible reply.

Ted tried to ignore the sound of dolphins singing their final farewell song in his head. "Then what does?"

Neo hesitated. "I don't know," he said after a while.

_Your world's about to be destroyed; there's no point getting all annoyed..._ "Where were you born?"

"In a computer simulation," Neo replied distantly. "It's called the Matrix."

"Whoa," Ted remarked. "Sounds like some movie." _Lie back and watch your planet dissolve around you..._

"It is," was the dry reply.

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, dude."

Neo muttered something that sounded suspiciously like obscene remarks directed at the Wachowski Brothers and Keanu Reeves. 

(The author is happy to report that the music composer was spared.)

"So what happened after you were born?" Ted asked. He wasn't exactly in the mood for sleep at the moment, especially considering that if things continued the way they were going, any dream he might have would include singing dolphins flying off into space. 

"How much do you want to know?"

"Tell me everything, dude."

And so they talked on through the night.

This is never a good thing to do.

* * *

November 9, 2030, 7:42 am  
Room 31-02B, Lone Pine Hotel  
Hill Valley, California

"Am I the only one who's ever awake?" Marty asked, staring at Neo fast asleep under the pillow that Ted had chucked at him in an unsuccessful attempt to wake The One from his beauty sleep.

"Honestly," Marty muttered, shaking his head and walking out of the room. "First Frank, now Neo..."

An oxygen molecule near him bobbed up and down in agreement. Being an oxygen molecule, it hadn't realised that Marty was, in fact, not talking to it, and wasn't particularly concerned about what the molecular masses thought of his musings.

Back in the room, Ted exited the bathroom to find that Neo still hadn't budged. Picking up a pillow from his bed, he prepared to throw it. "Are you going to wake up, dude?"

Neo mumbled something unintelligible from under the first pillow and was silent again. Ted threw the second pillow at him, but all it did was bounce off the first and fall to the ground. The pillow on top of Neo's head extended its warm sympathy to its fallen comrade.

"Neo?" Ted asked, only to be greeted with more incoherent mutterings.

"You've been asleep for over four hours, dude."

"Fehh," Neo said.

"I can pull you off the bed if you want."

"Don' you dar'."

"Doctor Brown says that if we don't leave the room in an hour, the hotel people are going to do most heinous things to the bill."

"Go 'way."

Ted yanked the covers off Neo.

"Stop 'at."

Verne and sauntered into the room and was watching the scene with considerable interest. "Try prodding him with a stick," he suggested. "It works with Jules."

Neo contemplated making a certain gesture with his middle finger on the hand that was not currently buried under the pillow, but decided against it when he realised that Doc might not be too pleased if his seven-year-old son started emulating him.

"M'grofle," he said instead, which roughly translates as, "Go away, you evil pizza-stealer or I'll separate your head from your body. When I'm awake, that is."

"D'you know where to find a stick?" Ted asked Verne.

"Yeah, there's this area near the back of my house which has lots of twigs and dead branches and stuff."

"Um, anything nearer?"

Verne thought for a moment, then shook his head. "No, but you could just try poking him."

"Touch me an' that han' will never touch an'thing 'gain," Neo mumbled in an unsuccessful attempt at sounding sinister.

Ted pulled the pillow off Neo's head, dumping it on top of the other pillow on the ground. The pillows greeted each other floopily.

Doc walked in. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

"Neo won't get up," Verne said helpfully.

"I see." Emmett looked at Neo, who grudgingly pulled himself up into a sitting position and tried to look reasonably awake. 

"That's settled then," Doc said. "We better get moving. I only booked the rooms until nine." He left the room, Verne following after. When they had gone, Neo rested his head against the wall and shut his eyes.

"I don't think it's a good idea to go back to sleep, dude," Ted informed him. 

"Just give me five seconds, okay?" came the annoyed reply. 

Ted glanced at the clock, which read 7:45. "That's what you said ten minutes ago." 

"I mean it this time." 

"Really?" 

"Yes." 

"Promise?" 

"_Yes._" 

Ted shrugged. "Whatever you say, dude." He went over to see what was going on next door. Next to him, the time on the digital clock shifted to 7:46.

* * *

_Five minutes later._

"Neo?" 

"Mff." 

"It's been five minutes, dude," Ted said, munching on a sausage. 

"Ngh." 

Next door, Verne was suddenly hit by inspiration. "Hey!" he yelled. "PIZZA!" 

Neo's eyes flew open. "Wha'?" With sudden energy, he stumbled out of bed, stubbed his toe somewhere, and hobbled through the door wincing in pain. "There's pizza?" he gasped. The others looked up from their breakfast. 

"Hey, Neo," Verne said brightly. "You're up."

"There's pizza?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"In a Pizza Hut about one mile away."

Reality slowly sank in, and Neo collapsed onto the couch, glaring at Verne. The boy just smiled back innocently and helped himself to more eggs.

"Are you hungry, dude?" Ted asked. Neo glared at him.

"How did you get up so early?" he asked in return.

"I don't know, dude. Maybe 'cause I spent most of yesterday sleeping in the hospital."

Neo didn't know how to reply to that. Several seconds passed, then he got up from the sofa and went to the bathroom next door to splash water on his face and wake himself up.

* * *

9:24 am  
Time train 

"Why can't you send him back to the exact time he was taken from?" Marty asked Doc, watching as he set the time circuits on the train.

"It's too risky, Marty. As you know, the device that allowed me in 1895 to communicate with you in 1985 set the two computers in sync with each other, such that when one day passed for me in 1895, one day passed for you in 1985."

"Yeah, I know that, Doc, but why..."

"I'm not finished, Marty! So you see, when you were e-mailing me from the Kenselton Hotel, time was passing for me, and therefore time was also passing in 1985. If I were to send you or Ted back to the time you were taken, and if you were to access your e-mail account, there is the risk that you might be doing so at the same time that your counterpart of two days ago was accessing it to send me that message regarding your predicament. If our exchange gets accidentally interfered with in any way, the consequences could be disastrous!"

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll be going to access the Internet when I get back..."

"Marty! You're not thinking eleventh-dimensionally! The e-mails are just one occurrence - many more things could have happened while you were away. Every action influences the space-time continuum in ways that might seem insignificant but which have much more far-reaching effects than you might suppose. Rips were forming in the space-time continuum before you were taken, they were still forming after you were taken, and they are still forming now. Where the fabric of space-time is concerned, time... is not an issue. If you were to go back to the time right after you were taken, you would, in effect, be travelling into the past, where anything you do has the potential to change what happened as you know it." 

Marty looked more bewildered than anything. "How long has it been since I left?" 

"From what I've calculated last night, as of now, 9:26 am, you have been away from your home for a grand total of fifty-eight hours and fifteen minutes." 

Marty gave a soft whistle. "Wow. But... what would I tell my parents when they ask me where I've been? What if they've called up the police or... or something..." 

For a moment, Doc stared out of the open train door, where several metres away Neo and Verne argued over three ice-cream cones as Ted watched them in amusement. Doc then turned his gaze back to Marty and fixed his eyes on the teen. "Marty," he said. "I think that it may be time for your parents to learn the truth." 

Marty stared at his friend, a look of absolute flabbergastation on his face as Doc's words slowly sank in. "What?" he asked, as the author glared at the red squiggly line under the word 'flabbergastation' and decided that the Microsoft Word spell check was evil. 

Emmett nodded. "You can't hide it from them forever, Marty. And I think they have a right to know. You owe them your existence, after all." 

Marty took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. 

"Well..." he said. "You're the doc, Doc."

* * *

A day in December 1985, 9:30 am   
San Dimas, California 

Police officer Michael R. Gale shook his head in despair as he entered the police car. His colleague entered the side seat, and Gale started the engine. 

_Kids these days_, he thought, as the car moved down the street towards the main road. _They're always going missing... 'Disappeared'. Yeah, right. The way that blonde kid said it, it was as thought Ted Logan just vanished into thin air..._

Gale gave a dry chuckle. _I bet they'll find him tomorrow, wandering around some field and claiming that aliens abducted him... It'll probably go into one of those kooky UFO newsletters. _SpaceWatch_, or something like that..._

Then three sonic booms broke the air and Gale nearly sent the car careening into a bush. Slamming on his brakes, he yanked the door open and leapt out just in time to see a colourful train fly out of nowhere. 

Mouth hanging open, he stared transfixed at it as the other policeman came out to see what had happened. 

"It's the aliens," Gale mumbled. "They've come to get me..." 

Then he fainted, and Gale knew no more. 

Several metres away, the train came to land and its five passengers got out. "What am I going to tell them if they ask where I've been, dude?" Ted asked. 

Marty shrugged. "Anything. If you mess it up, we'll just wipe their memory and you can start over..." 

"Just tell them the truth," Doc interrupted. "There's no point in making it any more complicated than necessary." 

Neo walked over and pointed down the road. "There's a police car over there," he said. "I think they saw us coming, because it looks like one of the policemen has fainted..." 

"Cool!" Verne yelled, and was about to run over and take a look when Doc held him back. 

"Don't go there, Verne. Hopefully they'll think we were just a hallucination and forget about us." 

"Which one's your house?" Marty asked Ted. 

The other teen gestured towards the house on the left, and they started walking. "That one," he said, then fell silent again, wondering just how he was going to tell his father that he'd just spent the past two days in a universe where he was fictional. It would probably be more believable to say that the little - or big - green men had zapped him up into their spaceship and told him that the Earth was about to be bulldozed to make way for an interstellar bypass. 

Neo came up to the teen's side as the group entered the driveway. "They'll believe you," he said quietly. "You've got three witnesses, excluding that little pizza-thief named Verne. And if they don't believe you... they'll have to explain me." Neo paused. "And yeah... we've always got that memory-wiping thing." 

Ted slowed to a stop in front of the locked door and hesitated, then rang the doorbell. Neo stepped back to join the other four. 

Seven seconds passed, then the sound of the door being hurriedly unlocked reached their ears. It opened, and a sleep-derived man stood in the doorway, staring in stunned astonishment at his missing son. 

"Dad... " the teen began, when his father came to his senses, loudly. 

"_Where the $&! have you been, young man?_" 

"Uh..." 

From inside the house, Bill Preston ran to the doorway, and his face broke into a grin as he saw his friend. "TED!" he yelled. "Dude, where'd you go? ...Did the aliens get you? That would've been most triumphant!" 

Captain Logan looked faintly miffed at having his conversation interrupted. 

Ted just grinned. "Nah, it wasn't the aliens, dude. Some totally bodacious dude from another universe had this most egregious machine that could transport things from other dimensions, so he grabbed me over and..." 

"Ted, this is serious!" his father cut in. "I have _police_ out there now, searching for y..." 

"It's true," Neo said suddenly. 

For the first time, Ted's father and Bill noticed the other four humans standing in the driveway. 

It didn't take very long for Neo to realise that there were suddenly a whole lot of people - inclusive of Ted's younger brother, Deacon, who had come to see what all the commotion was about - staring at him. 

Uncomfortable, Neo turned his gaze to the ground and started being fascinated with the gravel. It made interesting swooshy sounds when he moved his shoe in it. They didn't have gravel in Zion. 

Neo's eyes flicked up momentarily. Everyone was still staring at him. _Who'd they think I am, Elvis?_ he thought. It freaked him out, so he turned his attention back to the nice friendly gravel and wondered if it would be his friend. 

There was a moment of silence. Then... 

"I think... you should all come in," Captain Logan said slowly. 

Neo wished they would all stop staring at him.

* * *

Captain Logan called up the police, and explained that there was no more need to go searching for Ted because he had just come home. This call took longer than expected, because for some reason the police officer on the other end kept babbling on about aliens coming down from the sky. He got the message in the end, however, and that was settled. 

"Right," Ted's father said, putting down the phone and sitting down. "Now tell me everything." 

The travellers glanced at each other. 

"It's a long story," Marty said. 

"We have a lot of time." 

"Well..." Marty began. "It all started with this device that Doc here built..." 

They took it in turns to contribute bits to the story, filling in the gaps that each other missed, or telling what the events had been in the different universes. Now and then Marty had to backtrack and explain about the time machine and why Doc had been living in the late nineteenth century in the first place. 

There were several interruptions, several laughs, several traumatised looks, and time crawled slowly towards lunch. Marty occasionally glanced nervously at his out-of-sync watch, realised it was pointless, and looked at the wall clock instead. Every minute that passed meant another minute of George and Lorraine McFly wondering about his whereabouts. 

"...so they sent me home," Ted finished. 

There was silence for a while. 

"But what about the green bottles, dude?" Bill asked. 

His friend blinked. "What?" 

"Apparently someone sent several cartons of empty green bottles to Bill and told him to pass them to you," Captain Logan said. "A hundred of them, from some company called Special Bottle Deliveries." 

Ted just looked more bewildered. "Never heard of 'em." 

"Seems like they've heard of you." 

"What'm I supposed to do with a hundred green bottles?" Ted asked. 

Bill grinned. "You could line them up on a wall and make them accidentally fall..." 

Neo muttered something and buried his face in his hands. Bill glanced at him and his eyes narrowed. "What's that thing at the back of your head, dude?" 

Neo looked up in exasperation. "Look..." 

"Can I stick my finger in it?" 

"NO!" 

Marty cleared his throat. "Ah... I think we'd better get going," he said. "I want to be home by lunch, and we've still got to send Neo back..." 

"Yeah." 

They stood up and exchanged various goodbyes and good luck wishes. Neo shot a look at the clock. It was past eleven; pity they couldn't stay for lunch. After this, it would be back to subsisting on gooey white stuff on the ol' _Nebuchadnezzar_... no more pizza, no more ice cream...

"Neo?"

He turned. "Yeah?"

Ted hugged him, then pulled back and grinned. "Bye, Neo."

About a second went by, then Neo gave a wry smile. "Bye, dude," he said.

And the travellers left the house and walked out to the time train, one member less.

* * *

Zion Control Centre  
Late 22nd century or early 23rd century.

Steven Dent was prepared this time. Face set grimly, he waited by his steaming hot cup of tea, trying not to be tempted by its wondrous aroma. It was just a bait... They were sure to be back. They wanted the tea, he knew. They were trying to steal his Precious from him. But he wouldn't let Them; oh no, he wouldn't.

Now he was ready. Oh yes.

His cup was glued to the table. It had been one of Steven's more brilliant ideas. With his cup glued there, They couldn't spill it this time.

(Of course, it also meant that he couldn't drink it unless he bent down and lapped it up, which sort of made his tongue hurt. But there was always a price to be paid.)

Steven Dent sat and waited. Kyn was fast asleep over a computer keyboard, a Minesweeper game in progress on the screen.

Then They came. Four sonic booms, and the colourful train appeared out of nowhere, flying past him.

_And he still hadn't spilt his tea._

Slowly, a maniacal grin spread across Steven's face.

_They hadn't got his tea._

Hysterical laughter filled the control room.

"HAH!" Steven yelled in jubilation. "THOUGHT YOU COULD GET MY TEA, DIDJA? _DIDJA_? Well, I GLUED IT TO THE TABLE! HAH! Bet ya didn't think of that, DIDJA? TAKE _THAT_, YOU SUCKERS! HAH! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY TEA, _NEVER!_"

Grinning like a demented mental patient on ecstasy, Steven continued his loud ranting, when the Zion equivalent of the men in white suits arrived to take him away.

* * *

It is perhaps enough to say that things all went well on that second trip to Zion. The time train entered the underground city at a time when the sentinels were gone but the hole still there. They went back in time to slightly over sixty hours from when Neo was taken, and got hold of someone who helped them contact the _Nebuchadnezzar_ and inform the ship of Neo's whereabouts.

Everyone involved was sworn to secrecy. The need for memory-wiping never arose.

Marty, Doc and Verne left Neo at Zion to wait for the Neb to arrive, and they took off in the train for Hill Valley, 1985, landing at Lyon Estates.

The hiss of depressurised air filled the cabin as Marty stared wistfully out of the windows. Doc slid open the door of the locomotive, and they got off.

The teen turned to face his house, where it stood beneath the darkening evening sky. The windows were lit; his family was there, waiting for him. Slowly, he walked up the driveway, Doc and Verne following behind.

He was home. After so long, he was finally home, but for some reason he didn't feel as happy as he thought he should have been. Too many things had happened in the last two or three days, and Marty didn't know if he would ever be able to continue his life as he had before everything started.

Maybe out there, somewhere, all this was just some movie and there were people watching him even now as he made his way to the door and rang the doorbell; watching as Dave McFly answered the door and yelled for his parents to come. 

"Marty!" Lorraine gasped. "Where have you been?"

The teenager took a deep breath. "Mum... Dad... there's something I gotta tell you. Oh, and here's Doctor Brown, and that's his younger son, Verne..."

He told them everything, from Doc's construction of the time machine to his latest dimensional travels. The less necessary parts were summarised or skipped over. Doc verified anything that needed verifying, and Marty kind of enjoyed the looks of jealousy on his sibling's faces at several points of the long story. As for his mother, Lorraine looked considerably aghast when it was revealed that the 'Calvin Marty Klein' she had kissed in 1955 was actually her own son.

"So you're saying that this is all a movie?" Dave asked incredulously when Marty finished his tale.

"Yeah," his younger brother replied. "In another universe."

Dave's eyes darted around the ceiling, suddenly overcome with the feeling that he was being watched. George and Lorraine just looked mostly stunned, and continued looking mostly stunned when Doc had shown them the time train and got in with Verne to leave for their home.

"Doc... will I ever see you again?" Marty asked softly, looking up at his friend for what might be the last time in a long while.

Emmett smiled. "Probably."

The door closed, the train lifted off, and Marty watched as it accelerated to eighty-eight miles per hour and vanished in a burst of electricity, leaving behind it a pair of fire trails that dissipated after several seconds. 

Back in the house, Lorraine finally broke the uneasy silence. "I... think it's time for lunch," she said, and headed off to the kitchen as she tried to digest all that Marty had told her.

"You were Darth Vader?" George asked Marty, when Dave and Linda had gone.

"Yeah."

"That always puzzled me for a long time," George admitted. "When _Star Wars_ came out, I thought I had somehow managed to predict the future." He gave a nervous laugh.

Marty smiled.

Just like that, it was all over. All that remained to hint at the strange events of the past month or so were a missing towel, scraps of wool on his bedroom floor, broken guitar strings and an uncertain promise of return from Doc.

And that's about where it all ends. In Neo's universe, the _Nebuchadnezzar_ finally arrived some time in the middle of the night to pick him up. As promised, no record was made of its arrival, and no record was made of its departure. It was as though it had never happened.

Neo and Trinity were reunited on the ship. He didn't say much about what had happened, giving minimal details, until Trinity mentioned the green bottles.

"What green bottles?" Neo asked.

"A hundred of them were delivered to the ship, addressed to you," Trinity said. "They were from some company called Special Bottle Deliveries."

"What... Ted got that too."

"Who's Ted?"

"My evil twin," Neo replied, rushing off to his room to see just what green bottles Trinity had been talking about.

He saw them, lying innocently in their cartons. "What am I supposed to do with a hundred green bottles?" he asked no one in particular.

"You could try stacking them up on a wall," Trinity suggested, looking very serious.

Neo mentally banged his head against the wall. "Yeah, and watch them accidentally fall," he muttered darkly. "If I ever hear that infernal song again, I swear I'll..."

"You'll what?" Trinity asked, sounding faintly amused.

"Never mind."

Neo didn't want to admit it, but he missed Ted. And Marty, and Doc, and Frank, and even Verne and Keith. He missed chasing after pizza, missed Liz falling on his head, missed impersonating an actor and getting fourteen ice creams in return, missed the sound of the sonic booms that accompanied each trip in the time train, missed the way that for a moment in his life, there had been something different from what he was used to, something to break apart the bleakness of his existence.

But it was all over now.

It was time for him to face the future. A future written out by two brothers in another universe. A future in which, according to Verne, Neo was to die.

But the future was always changing. The future was what you made of it.

There was always hope.

* * *

**THE END.**

* * *

**The Hobbit Lass**: Update's here! Thanks for reviewing!  
**Gijinka Renamon**: Yeah, he was. I think there were a few threads about it on Thanks for reviewing!  
**I read your bio**: You evidently haven't read _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_.  
**Anonymous-cat**: Okay, done. ;P  
**Kleenexwoman**: It's not so much my ability to keep this fic going, but rather my inability to end it. Helpful ideas... uh, not at the moment.   
**Grim Reaper**: I've seen the movie, and yep, it's finished.   
**Back to Front**: The mice call you? Ah. Thanks for your review! 


	28. Epilogue

The-Last-Disclaimer-I'll-Ever-Have-To-Type-For-This-Fic: I don't ow... - Hey! The computer clock says 3:42 p.m.! - ...n any of the fandoms included in this fic, which just so happens to have ended.

This is it.

My brother brought home two crickets today. He named them Aziraphale and Crowley, and for some reason he thinks they eat noodles.

He just asked me if I think they'll like oatmeal.

* * *

**THEY'VE GOT MAIL: EPILOGUE **

**From -** iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com  
**To -** futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, neo(at)zion(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com  
**Subject:** Hey.

Hi you three.

I'm not sure if this e-mail will reach you, but I'm trying anyway.

Just wanted to say that it's been nice knowing you lot. I guess we'll never get to meet again, because if we do, it means there's something wrong with the space-time continuum and that wouldn't be a good thing.

Hope the rest of you got home safely. I suppose now we can just forget the whole thing ever happened, but it's not going to be easy. When Doc Brown drove me to the hospital that day, we passed a movie theater. It's kinda strange to think that perhaps, somewhere out there, all those movie characters are real people. I'll never be able to watch another movie the same way ever again.

It's been an... interesting past few days. Maybe we should have gone out to walk the streets - the four of us - just to see how people would react. It makes me wonder what would have happened if we had decided to escape the hotel and just run away... would we still have got home in the end? Maybe I'd have succeeded in ridding MJF of his worldly possessions and be rich for once. Or maybe we'd all be living off free McDonald's ice cream with nowhere to go. I guess we'll never know now, and maybe it's better that way.

To Marty: I was reading through the first few e-mails I sent you, and I'm sorry if they freaked you out when you got them. I didn't know you were telling the truth then. It all seems so long ago, those e-mails. Things have changed so much since then. I'll miss you, kid.

I'll miss all of you.

Yours truly,  
- Frank Bannister

xxxx

**From - **neo(at)zion(.)com  
**To -** iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com  
**Subject:** I guess this is the end.

Hey guys... Neo here. Just to let you all know that I got back safely, so thanks for helping out.

The food is just as bad as usual. You don't know how lucky you are to not have to eat this stuff. Nothing much has changed, except that I got a new e-mail address and all these cartons of green bottles that some company called 'Special Bottle Deliveries' apparently delivered to me. I'm not too sure what to do with them yet, though some of my fellow crew members took some to store drinks in. Morpheus wasn't too happy about that, because he figured that having more bottles of alcohol lying around the ship couldn't be a good thing for the crew's performance.

Don't tell Doctor Brown, but I downloaded the scripts for the _Matrix_ movie sequels and am currently in the process of reading through them. I find them creepy, but I'll manage. I don't want to die, but if there's no choice... at least I want to know how it's going to happen.

I suppose I won't be seeing any of the three of you again. Thanks for making it fun while it lasted.

- Neo

xxxx

**From -** futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.0com  
**To -** wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, neo(at)zion(.)com, iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com  
**Subject: **Re: I guess this is the end.

This is probably the last e-mail I can send to you guys, because any moment now I bet Doc's going to stop us in case we mess up the space-time continuum again.

So... yeah, same thing, I'll miss you three. We've had a great time, mostly. It's the kind of story I might tell my kids one day, if it doesn't freak them out too much.

It's Saturday today, and I still can't believe that I've got school when the weekend's over. And I've got homework, too. It feels sort of pointless, after all that's happened. Maybe Keith might decide to zap all my teachers away, but I doubt he would. I hope my principal doesn't call me up on Monday and demand to know where I've been the past two days... If I tell the truth, I bet he'd chuck me into detention, and if I make something up, he'll probably know that I'm lying and chuck me into detention anyway.

(Neo, look on the bright side. At least you don't have to go to school. You get to spend your time saving the world, which is infinitely more fun than going to school. And the school lunches aren't that great either.)

I gotta go now. My mom wants me to clean up my room. I've told her a million times that I don't know how sheep wool got in here, but she doesn't listen.

- Marty

xxxx

**From -** iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com  
**To -** neo(at)zion(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com  
**Subject:** Do you know you can get sent to jail for forgery?

Because you can. I checked it up. Good thing we got away.

- Frank

xxxx

**From -** wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com  
**To -** futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, neo(at)zion(.)com, iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com  
**Subject:** RE: I guess this is the end.

Hi dudes!

Sorry I can't type much, because me and Bill were playing with the green bottles just now and they sort of broke and covered the floor with glass. If Dad finds out before we clear it, he'll be most righteously mad and I'll be grounded till the end of next week. He's been pretty angry since yesterday. Something about one of his police leaving the force to join some UFO-sighting group called We Are Not Alone. Dad calls them a bunch of depraved lunatics.

Neo, you got the green bottles too? Be careful, dude. They break. And yeah, Marty's right, dude. you don't need to go to school on Monday. It's not fair. I've got all this useless homework to complete. I don't see how it's going to help me in future. It's not like I need to know all that stuff.

We won't be seeing each other again, huh? So I guess it's goodbye then, except for me and Marty. Yeah.

I better go help Bill clear the glass now. Bye.

- Ted

xxxx

**From -** neo(at)zion(.)com  
**To -** futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com, iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com  
**Subject:** Yes, you can get sent to jail for forgery.

Marty and Ted, stop complaining about school. What makes you think saving the world is any more fun? Because it's not. At least you get to lead normal lives without the prospect of dying just around the corner. And eat normal, nice food. It's only been two days, and I already miss pizza.

...I wonder what happened to that infernal lizard that always seemed to be around the hotel.

- Neo

xxxx

**From - **futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com  
**To -** iseedeadpeople(at)yahoo(.)com, wyldstallynsrule(at)hotmail(.)com, neo(at)zion(.)com  
**Subect:** Re: Yes, you can get sent to jail for forgery.

Maybe it died.

xxxx

**From - **outatuneelb(at)yahoo(.)com  
**To - **futureboy85(at)hillvalleymail(.)com  
**Subject:** nil

Marty,

This will be the last e-mail I'm sending to you before I leave the dimensional rips alone to heal themselves with the help of the flux capacitor.

DO NOT e-mail anybody from my family or another universe from now on. It will interrupt and possibly undo that healing process, although my readings seem to indicate that you have been doing just that. Whether you have or not, stop all that now.

If you want to contact me or my family, wait until Saturday next week.

We're moving back to the future. See you then.

- Your friend in time,  
Doc

**

* * *

**If there's one thing about interdimensional friendships, it's that they are usually not a good idea. It's not that there's anything wrong with them, specifically, but more that such friendships can never last. There will come a time, usually too soon, when you have to say the final farewell and depart with the knowledge that you are never, ever, ever going to see those friends again. Ever. They may as well have never existed, no more than characters you see on a movie screen. 

In normal circumstances, even if a good friend of yours is going off to stay permanently on the other side of the world, there is still always the chance, however slim, that you might meet each other again some time in the future.

In less normal circumstances, even if your best friend decides to go live his life, say, in the late nineteenth century, you can still get together now and then and go save the universe or something like that.

But where the fabric of space-time is concerned, some things are final.

With the exception of the Marty and Ted, who lived in the same state in the same country on the same planet in the same time in the same universe, the four of them never saw each other again.

There's nothing much left to be said, really The rips in the space-time continuum eventually healed themselves, and things started to return to normal.

Luke Skywalker finally decided that the New Republic was not under a threat of any kind, mostly due to how he could no longer access He did, however, still have a tendency to jump whenever someone mentioned anything that sounded like the name 'George Lucas', the original owner of which was a successful film director, full name George Walton Lucas Jr, who was born on the 14th of May 1944 in Modesto, California, USA, in a place some call the Real World.

Over in Middle-Earth, Legolas never found either his shampoo or his soap, but vowed anyway to one day teach Aragorn to bathe.

Frank Bannister would spend his life subsisting mostly on free pizzas. While out walking one day, he stumbled across a ded shepe and took its ghooste as a pet. Eddie never took too kindly to it, and was often seen sulking on his Chesterfield sofa.

The sheep in Doc's garage finally wandered off and fell into Eastwood Ravine. A few hundred years later, several archaeologists were very surprised to discover a sheep skeleton there, along with what looked like the remnants of a towel.

Keith arrived safely in Singapore, and after a week started taking an unnatural interest in Bukit Timah Hill, possibly wondering if it could be hollowed out to secretly house a particular machine he was thinking of rebuilding. The forested area of the MacRitchie Reservoir Nature Reserve looked like a good spot too, if he could get away with it.

The Powerpuff Girls were blasted into oblivion because the author doesn't like them.

A McDonald's staff member returned home one day very happy. Grinning as she entered the door, she called out to her kids and waved two autographs in the air. "Guess who I met today!" Her kids looked at the autographs and said they looked like they had been forged.

Bill and Ted lived happily ever after. Due to the events of the past few days, however, history changed such that the Wyld Stallyns never became anything more than a regular band whose members couldn't play too well. But they were fine with that. In the future, Marty would occasionally come visit them, or vice versa, and they would talk, and they would remember the events of early December 1985.

As for Marty, it didn't take more than a few days for him to get over the whole issue of being fictional in another universe. Whenever he had the feeling he was being watched, he would just go and do something that no film producer in his or her right mind would ever think of filming; such as spending long minutes huddled in a dark closet and singing about green bottles.

As promised, Doc came back, arriving about two weeks after Marty's return home. The Browns were warmly welcomed by the McFly family, who were a great help in making arrangements to let Doc and his family move to the future and live there with as minimal fuss and problems as possible.

And everything appeared to be fine, everything appeared to be normal.

Until that Christmas, when there was a knock on the door.

Marty answered it to find a young delivery man standing there.

"Hi, are you Marty McFly?"

"Yeah."

"I've got a delivery for you... if you'd just sign here..."

Marty picked up the pen on the clipboard and scribbled his signature, then took the light rectangular package from the man. "Thanks."

The delivery guy smiled. "Merry Christmas."

The teen smiled back. "Yeah, you too. Have a nice day."

"Will do."

The man turned and left for his van, and it was only as Marty watched him enter it that he noticed the words printed at the side of the vehicle:

_SPECIAL BOOK DELIVERIES (We do bottles, too!)_

Marty felt a sudden chill run down his spine. He stared at the package in his hand, as though expecting it to blow up any moment... but it just stayed put, looking innocently up at him. Distantly, he heard Dave yelling at him to shut the door and quit letting all the heat out.

Marty closed the door, then ran to his room, filled suddenly with a strange feeling of dread. Locking his bedroom door, he sat on his bed and fingered the package. It felt normal, felt booky, nothing out of the ordinary.

Marty tore away the brown packaging to reveal a paperback book. He glanced at the title, and his blood ran cold.

_'Lucky Man: A Memoir_ by Michael J. Fox'

If the teen had been in the right state of mind to do so, he might have rushed to the window to see if he could catch a gilmpse of the delivery van.

If he had, he would have seen the van reach the end of the road and vanish in a colourful ripple of light, back to the universe from whence it came.

Some things are never meant to be explained.

It took Marty some time to recover from the shock of his Christmas present. He checked the back of the book and the first few pages, but it was clean, with no message whatsoever that might have given a clue as to who had sent it to him.

So Marty did the only thing he could.

He opened the book.

And he read.

* * *

If you were to look several years into the future, you might see a young man named Marty McFly graduating from high school. A few years later he would marry his girlfriend, Jennifer Parker, have two kids named Marty Jr. and Marlene, lead a career as a successful rock star and retire one day, rich and happy. 

Maybe that would happen. Maybe not.

For now, Martin Seamus McFly is just another teenager approaching his eighteenth year of life. He sits on his bed in his locked room in 9303 Lyon Estates, reading a book that he should never have come by. Soon his parents will call him to get out of there and join the rest of the family, and when the Christmas celebrations are over, he would go back to his room, and he would continue reading the memoir of an actor from another universe. Several days later, when he's done, he will store the book at the bottom of a locked drawer, next to a framed picture of him and his best friend standing by a huge clock with the words 'Partners in Time' written below the photograph next to a date from the nineteenth century. And he will go on with life as usual, only now with the knowledge that he and his story are famous.

Cut to New Zealand, where Frank Bannister munches on his dinner of free pizza by the dim glow of his kitchen lamp. His shepe ghooste wanders over to him, baaing softly, and Frank reaches out a clean hand to stroke its ectoplasm. Outside the kitchen and down the hallway stretches out a staircase leading to the labyrinthine upper floors, which not that long ago had been the background to a pizza chase scene. Frank stays alone. He likes it that way; just him and his dead pals.

Several realities away and several miles down, a dark-haired man sits at his computer, perusing the movie scripts that dictate the future of his life. Reading, planning, hoping. His name is Neo, and he doesn't intend to die just yet. He knows there has to be a way to give the story a different ending. Because there always is a choice.

_"Do you believe in fate, Neo?  
"No."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life."_

And that's why he keeps on reading.

Somewhere near Marty, in cosmic terms, another teenager rolls over in bed. He looks almost identical to Neo, just twenty years younger, in need of a haircut, and with what seems to be a perpetual look of amusement on his face. Ted sleeps now, in the silence of the night... dreaming perhaps of the other worlds he had visited, once upon a timewarp.

Liz lives.

**

* * *

THE END. REALLY.

* * *

**Okay, that's done. Um... yeah. So here are my last words before I leave: 

I'll really miss you guys. This story has been going on for almost two and a half years, and so much has happened since then... but I guess everything has to end somewhere. I'd like to thank all of you for reviewing and contributing e-mails and giving ideas and basically helping me to keep this story going; there were several points where I almost gave up on the whole fic - mostly around the twelfth chapter or so - but the reviews were great motivation for me. Thanks. I started this story intending it to be an at most five-chapter-long e-mail fic with no plot to speak of (with a decent number of four reviews per chapter), and that's what it most probably would have become if not for all of you. I definitely didn't think it would turn out this way at all. Never would have imagined it in forty-two million years.

I suppose life won't be the same for me after this. A fair amount of time each day was spent thinking up ways to continue this fic, and now it's all over... well, there's still the novelisation to complete - it just broke 70,000 words - but the story itself is more or less finished. If there's one fic that changed my life, it was this. I know I'll miss all the characters, for sure; I doubt I'd have ever become as rabid a Hitchhiker's fan as I am now if not for writing this story, and it also gave me a considerable amount of new favourite movies and actors (occasionally against my will; several classmates of mine two years ago would have told you that I couldn't stand Keanu Reeves. But time passes, fics get written, brains get washed...).

**Fellowship of the Band Geeks: **Yeah, it's ended. They're all home... I'll try to finish my other fics, if I have the time.  
**The Hobbit Lass:** Ditto. ;P Thanks for your review!  
**Anonymous-cat:** Yep, maybe he will... I don't know. It's up to Neo. Epilogue's done, it's all finished.  
**Eternal Density:** Nope, didn't envision it to be anything like this. Thanks for reviewing!  
**Tom Packshon:** Less emphasis on H2G2... got it. Star Wars theme at the end? Heh. ;P

**To everyone else who has been loyally reviewing:** My utmost thanks.

So... since that's probably the last time I'll be posting in this fic, I'll just answer all those questions about me that some reader's have been asking. ;)

**Name:** Still not telling. I do, however, have the same initials as Douglas Adams. (D.A.) A.S.Q. are the initials of my Chinese name.  
**Age:** At the start of this fic, I was about thirteen-and-a-half; as of now, I'll be sixteen in November, although according to most people I look thirteen. 'Tis the MJF curse... I suppose it's good that I look young, but it also gets kinda annoying when 14-year-olds start treating me like a little kid.  
**Gender:** :checks: Female. According to my parents, when I was born in the hospital one nurse yelled, 'It's a boy!' while the other nurse simultaneously yelled 'It's a girl!'. I'm guessing that kind of thing doesn't happen very often. Apparently my umbilical cord was between my legs and they had to get it away before they could confirm my sex.  
**Country:** Singapore, in an apartment located near enough to Bukit Timah Hill for me to stare at it out the window and wonder if there's anything strange going on in there. (Singapore is an ex-British colony located at the tip of the Malaysian peninsula. We hosted the 117th International Olympics Committee, whee.) **Height:** 5'5'' (167cm)  
**Weight: **42.5 kg  
**Which makes my BMI:** 15.2, and contrary to what the school nurses think, I DO EAT. A lot, too. I've just got a high metabolic rate.  
**Eye colour:** Brown  
**Hair:** Black, and currently about the same length as Marty's in BTTF2.  
**Race:** Chinese  
**Sexual orientation:** I'll think I'll just keep it at straight-asexual for the moment, unless any new developments crop up. A friend of mine doesn't think I'm asexual, but neither does she think I'm straight or gay or bi. I don't know where that puts me.  
**Suffers from:** Hay fever, childhood asthma, eczema, vasovagal syncopse (might have spelt it wrongly; can't read doctor's handwriting), cataplexy, possible Asperger's Syndrome (another online test gave me a score of 148/200 and said that I was 'most likely' an Aspie), mild obsessive-compulsive disorder and hypochondria.  
**Favourite computer games:** Age of Empires series (I've been playing it since I was eight, and last year I thwarted three boys in an AOE2 competition, entered the finals, and got squashed), Red Alert series with all its extended editions, The Sims, Wing Commander series, Civilisation 3, several Star Wars flight simulation games where you get to fly around and blow up stuff, though they're not as fun any more now that my joystick died some years ago, and of course Minesweeper. And Solitaire. Don't like Freecell or Hearts much.  
**Random other hobby:** Taking pens apart when they run out of ink and keeping their spare parts. I like taking things apart. I manage to put them back together about 42 percentof the time.  
**Favourite font:** Arial font-size 9.  
**Favourite flower:** Forget-me-not  
**Favourite childhood song:** Ten Green Bottles Hanging on the Wall (really)  
**Wardrobe consists of:** Mostly T-shirts.**  
Thing I Can Do Which Might Get Me a Guinness World Record in Future:** As of present, I know the birthdays of 61 celebrities by heart. It freaks people out. I'm aiming for a hundred.

That's it for now. One last request from me: I know there are quite a lot of you who have been following this fic but have not reviewed before. If you'd just send in a review to let me know you're there, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

For everyone else, if you want me to reply to any review for this chapter, please include your e-mail address so I can get back to you.

Shameless plug: While the novelisation gets written, I'm working on a BTTF fic called 'In Another's Shoes'. It takes place after this fic, though it's not really related. I uploaded the first chapter some time ago. At the same time, there's still my joint Hitchhiker's e-mail fic, _So Long and Thanks for All the Phish_ whose third chapter is currently in progress.

May the Force be with you. Party on, dudes. ;D

- Anakin McFly


	29. The Novelisation

It's here - the novelisation. It's finally done, all 107K words of it, after so long... I don't know how many of you original readers are reading this now. It's been ages.

Anyway, the link is www(.)freewebtown(.)com(slash)anakinmcfly(slash)rw(.)htm. That link takes you to the index page.

**Title:** Real World  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Science fantasy / humour / angst  
**Word count:** 107,000  
**Synopsis:** Doc invents a device that allows him and Marty to communicate across time periods. However, this begins to create rips in the space-time continuum, and Marty soon discovers the existence of a movie trilogy from another universe - the trilogy known as Back to the Future. Stuff happens, and Marty soon gets sucked into the real world, where he has to deal with being fictional.

Crossover with The Matrix, The Frighteners, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Star Wars.

To those of you who have just found this, my advice is to read the novelisation before They've Got Mail.

And since fanficnet doesn't allow chapters that are merely announcements, here follows a snippet from the first chapter:

**REAL WORLD - EXCERPT**

It wasn't a building that would normally have attracted much attention. An old, large, relatively run-down garage, it was nothing very remarkable to look at. In truth, it would have remained largely ignored, had it not been for the fact that it also happened to be the house-cum-laboratory of the town lunatic, Dr. Emmett Lathrop Brown. That in itself was reason enough for the majority of Hill Valley citizens to stay away from that garage, and stay away they did… fuelled in part by their fear of the unknown and the many rumours surrounding its owner.

Had they got to know him better, however, they would have perhaps learnt that Emmett had departed the late twentieth century more than a month ago and was currently living happily in the nineteenth with his wife and two kids. As it was, only two people had any idea that he had left.

And just as few knew of the existence of a 2003 computer inside the garage, one which ran on a Windows 2000 operating system and had a connection to the World Wide Web.

In 1985.

On that computer on the afternoon of December the twelfth, a seventeen-year-old teenager by the name of Martin Seamus McFly was typing away. Beside him on the table was strewn a mass of wires that showed some form of organisation only when one looked closely at them, and these were attached to a strange, fluxing Y-shaped contraption - a flux capacitor - that was in turn hooked up to both a modem-like device and the computer.

Behind Marty on the opposite end of the dimly lit garage was located the remains of a gigantic amplifier that had blown up somewhere in the vicinity of late October that year, and next to it was now a much smaller one that Marty had brought there to use in its stead.

Jennifer Jane Parker, Marty's girlfriend and fellow time traveller, sat beside him and stared at the screen in rapt fascination as he concluded his brief introduction to the Internet of 2004.

The brown-haired boy turned to her and smiled. "Cool huh?" he asked, although her reaction was already more than obvious. "And the whole thing's connected to Doc's computer, so when one day passes for me and in 2004, one day passes for him too. That way everything's kept in sync."

Jennifer nodded slowly, eyes still fixated on the screen. "Doc just gave you the computer?"

"Yeah. He said he got it cheap at a garage sale in 2009. But he didn't exactly give it to me… I mean, it's not like I can just take it home or anyth…"

The entire collection of clocks in the garage chose that precise moment to chime loudly, cutting Marty off in mid-sentence. The teen cringed slightly at the sound. Even after more than three years of dropping by at Doc's garage before and after school, he still hadn't got used to it.

"You've gotta go now, right?" he asked, when the noise had finally subsided to the usual quiet, relatively unobtrusive ticking.

Jennifer sighed regretfully, getting up. "Yeah."

Marty got off his own chair and walked towards the door to let her out.

"Do you think Doc's ever coming back?" Jennifer asked.

Marty hesitated. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe just for short visits or to drag me off to save the universe again, but nothing permanent…"

"You want him to come back, don't you?"

"Yeah," the other teen admitted quietly. "But I think he's happier where he is now. If he comes back here, there'll be all those people who keep avoiding him because they think he's crazy… and he'll have to explain his family. Maybe it's better if he just stays…" His words drifted off into the air.

"I guess I'd better be going now."

"Sure. See you tomorrow."

They paused, looking into each others' eyes, and then their lips met in a quick kiss. Marty emerged, grinning, and waved goodbye as Jennifer made her way down the driveway.

**END EXTRACT**


End file.
